Shadows
by L-chan
Summary: Will history repeat itself when sixteen-year-old Tomoyo Daidouji falls for her teacher, Touya Kinomoto? Discontinued.
1. The First Day

L-chan's notes: Is there an "official" term for Tomoyo and Touya stories? Tomouya? Well, that's what this is. I've been racking my little brain to come up with a story for these two, and this is the result, though now that I think about it, it seems a little obvious. Oh, well.

Disclaimer: Card Captor Sakura is the property of CLAMP, to whom I am eternally grateful for the creation of Touya and Syaoran.

Shadows

Chapter 1—The First Day

Tomoyo Daidouji perched on a stool in the Seijou High science lab and opened her notebook. The sensei hadn't arrived to begin class, so she thought she'd use the free time to start sketching a new dress design. The idea had come to her during morning recess, and she wanted to get it down on paper while it was still fresh in her mind.

"Ooh, how pretty!" Meiling Li gushed as she hopped onto the stool next to her friend. "I wish I had your artistic talent."

"I don't know if it's all that good." Tomoyo looked at her drawing a little more critically. It didn't come out the way she thought it would. She just couldn't get inspired lately. "Besides, you're good at so many other things, Meiling-chan."

The raven-haired girl nodded. "That's true." She sighed and leaned her elbows on the table. "I hate the first day of school. I'm already dreading all of the work that hasn't even been assigned yet."

"But isn't it exciting? New classes, new teachers, a new beginning." Tomoyo was probably the only student in the building who was happy to be back in school. It gave her something to look forward to. Her life seemed so empty lately, and even though Meiling had become such a good friend, it didn't make up for the one she had lost.

"New homework, new projects, new exams," Meiling countered. "And chemistry? It's like someone said, 'Hey, how can we torture Meiling this year? I know, let's combine math and science!'"

"I'll help you if you help me," Tomoyo replied softly, her violet eyes focused on the classroom door.

"What do you need help with?" Meiling followed Tomoyo's gaze and saw her cousin, Syaoran, coming in with Sakura Kinomoto. "Oh," Meiling breathed in understanding.

_I knew they would be together. I should be used to it by now. So why does it still hurt?_ Tomoyo wanted to look away, but she couldn't stop staring at the couple. To make things worse, Sakura raised her hand in a cheerful wave and sat down at the lab table in front of Tomoyo and Meiling.

"Tomoyo-chan! I'm so glad we're in the same classes again this year!" Sakura chirped, her emerald eyes sparkling.

_Why?_ Tomoyo wondered. _You don't have time for me anymore. If it wasn't for school, I wouldn't see you at all._ "Yes, isn't that great?" she answered unenthusiastically.

Syaoran sat down next to his girlfriend with a sigh of relief. "I thought we were going to be late. Where's the sensei?"

Sakura's smile wavered. "You're going to wish you didn't ask that."

The classroom door slid open, and a tall man with dark brown hair walked in. "Oh, God," Syaoran muttered. "Just kill me now."

"Good morning, everyone. I am Touya Kinomoto, and this is junior-level chemistry." He quickly surveyed his students, recognizing his younger sister and her friends, and frowning a bit when his brown eyes landed on a certain Chinese gaki. He pulled out the roll sheet. "When I call your name, please raise your hand."

"Mmm, maybe this class won't be so bad after all," Meiling whispered to Tomoyo. "He's definitely an improvement over the corpse we had for science last year."

"Daidouji."

Tomoyo raised her hand, and Touya glanced at her briefly before marking the sheet and moving on to the next name. _How long has it been since I've seen him?_ she wondered. _A year?_ The last time she'd been to Sakura's house, he had already moved out. _When did he get glasses? He looks just like his father._

"Kinomoto."

Sakura gave her brother a limp wave, embarrassed to be related to the sensei.

"Meiling Li."

Meiling's wave was much friendlier. "Yes, I think I'm going to like chemistry," she murmured to her tablemate.

Touya suppressed a glare as he read the next name. "Syaoran Li."

Sakura nudged the chestnut-haired boy next to her. He scowled and raised his hand flippantly, knowing perfectly well that Touya was aware of him.

Touya finished calling the roll and put the sheet aside. He reached into a blue folder and pulled out a stack of papers. "This is your syllabus for the term." He began passing the stapled pages to each row. "Listed are all reading assignments, lab experiments, and exams. However, you will not find quizzes on here. Those may be given at any time, so always come to class prepared."

Many of the students groaned at the prospect of pop quizzes, but Touya ignored them. "Now," he continued, "I hope you like the person sitting next to you, because he or she will be your lab partner." If he was upset that his little sister was seated next to her gaki of a boyfriend, it didn't show. "Your lab grades will depend on the work both of you do, with the same grade given to each partner, so teamwork is essential."

Tomoyo and Meiling looked at each other. "I guess you're stuck with me," Meiling whispered. "Sorry."

Tomoyo smiled at her friend. "We'll be fine." She toyed with the end of her lavender braid as she skimmed through the syllabus. The workload did seem daunting, but it always did at the beginning of a new term. _It's not like we have to do everything at once._ She turned her attention back to the front of the classroom.

"I think that takes care of all the formalities," Touya was saying. "So, let's get started. Open your textbooks to the first chapter." He picked up a piece of chalk and began making notes on the blackboard.

Her pencil scratched across her notebook as she neatly copied the information, but Tomoyo was only half listening to the lecture. She watched Touya as he paced back and forth while he talked. She was impressed with the way he handled himself in front of the class, and his rich voice was strong and authoritative.

_He's really good_, she thought. _This is going to be a great class._ _And I'll get to see him every day. I've missed him. _Her pencil stopped in mid-sentence as the meaning of those words sunk in. _Wait a minute. Where did _that _come from?_

She must have been staring at him, because he caught her eye and stopped to look at her for a moment before he continued. She blushed with embarrassment and focused her eyes on her notebook, determined to concentrate on the subject, not the speaker.

_Good grief, I'm acting like Meiling-chan_, she scolded herself, _getting all crushy over the good-looking young sensei._ She looked over at her new lab partner, who hadn't written a word of the notes, instead choosing to rest her chin on her hand and gaze dreamily at Touya.

"In the few minutes we have left," he said as he returned the chalk to the ledge, "I want you to become familiar with the lab procedures and safety rules. Please go over the sheet with your partner, and see me if you need any help."

"I certainly will," Meiling murmured as she turned to the last page of the syllabus.

"Meiling-chan, I hope you're going to take this class seriously. You can't spend all of your time drooling over Tou—Kinomoto-sensei." Tomoyo said quietly, speaking to herself as much as to her friend. "It's going to be a lot of work, and I'll be counting on you."

"Don't worry. In a couple of days I won't even notice how gorgeous he is when he starts making my life miserable with all this work," Meiling replied. "He'll just be another one of the enemy. But until then…." Her words drifted off, and an infatuated smile curved her lips.

Tomoyo sighed. Meiling's crushes came and went with the setting of the sun. But for Tomoyo, it wasn't going to be that easy.

-----

Touya sat in the faculty break room, eating his lunch with one hand and making notes with the other. The morning had gone pretty well, and he was just making some adjustments to the material for his afternoon classes.

_So far, so good_, he thought. He was grateful for all the advice his father had given him. Touya didn't come right out and admit that he was nervous about teaching, but he didn't have to. Fujitaka remembered how his first day had gone and had shared stories, both good and bad, with the humor that only the passing of time can bring. He'd reassured his son that he was ready. Touya appreciated his father's help and was relieved that none of his fears had been realized. _Yet_, he added wryly.

The hardest part was going to be treating Sakura and Syaoran just like any other students. He knew when he took the position that they would be in the eleventh grade this year and would end up in his class. He thought he could handle it, but seeing them sitting there together was a bit unsettling. It was going to take effort on all of their parts to make this work. He had to treat them with respect as his students, and they had to respect him as their sensei.

_Easier said than done. Why did I have to start this year? Why did I rush through my courses? I could have waited one more year. One more year of being flat broke. One more year without my own place. Oh, yeah, that's why._

It didn't seem so long ago that he was a high school junior, sitting in the same lab with Yukito, complaining about being back in school and how much work the sensei was assigning. But at the same time, it seemed like a lifetime ago. _How quickly things change_, he thought. _Why do things have to change at all?_

He took his glasses off and pinched the bridge of his nose. _Get over it already_, he reprimanded himself. _It's been three years_.

He pushed those thoughts out of his mind and flipped through his papers, leaving his glasses on the table. He wasn't used to them yet. His father had suggested reading glasses when Touya mentioned the eyestrain he was suffering while studying for long periods of time. _It only gets worse_, Fujitaka had told him with the voice of experience, _especially when you spend hours planning lectures and going over stacks of homework_. Other than that, the glasses were an affectation. Touya thought they made him look older and more serious, and that could only work to his advantage when dealing with a class full of teenagers.

He looked at his roll sheet from the third period. So many familiar names. Sakura's friends. Meiling Li, the gaki's feisty cousin. Chiharu Mihara, the captain of the cheerleading squad. Takashi Yamazaki, the local quiz champion. Tomoyo Daidouji....

_Tomoyo Daidouji. _

He hadn't meant to stare at Tomoyo. He was just amazed at how she'd grown up since the last time he saw her. _When was it, anyway? Sakura's fifteenth birthday party? That was over a year ago._

But what surprised him even more was how much she looked like his mother. Her hair was a couple of shades darker, and she had Sonomi's violet eyes, but there was something about her. Her quiet beauty, her delicate bone structure, or maybe it was the way she carried herself, so poised and graceful. _That's not quite right, is it_, he thought with a fond smile, remembering his mother's occasional clumsiness. But in photographs, Nadeshiko always looked perfect. That's how Tomoyo looked.

He'd noticed that her cheeks turned pink when he'd looked at her. _I'll have to apologize for embarrassing her. She must think she did something wrong. Actually, I think she was the only one listening to me. But I guess that's to be expected on the first day_.

-----

This is the result of writer's block on my MeiLi, so I don't know how I feel about it yet. But thanks for reading!


	2. Look Out

L-chan's notes: Thanks to everyone who reviewed the first chapter. It's good to know there's an audience for this pairing.

Disclaimer: See Chapter 1.

Shadows

Chapter 2—Look Out

"What do you think of this one?" Meiling asked as she held a daffodil-yellow dress in front of her.

Tomoyo shook her head. "That color really doesn't do anything for you. Do they have it in blue?"

Meiling returned the dress to the rack and continued rooting through the display, pushing the undesirable garments aside with one hand while she examined tags with the other. No one could shop like Meiling. "Here's a blue one, but it's not my size. What about this one?"

"You know, Meiling-chan, I'd be glad to make a dress for you." Tomoyo hadn't felt like sewing lately, but maybe a little manual labor was just what she needed to take her mind off things. She still sketched all the time, but she never got around to actually creating the dresses she designed. She didn't have anyone to dress anymore.

Meiling looked at the price tag for a red dress and made a face. "I couldn't ask you to do that. Besides, you should be making one for yourself."

"But I'm not even going to the dance."

Meiling stopped looking at clothes and turned to her friend. "You should. You've been so mopey lately. You could use a little fun."

_Yes, I have been mopey lately. I don't even really know why. But the last thing I want to do is have fun._ "I didn't think you were going," Tomoyo said, obviously turning the subject away from herself. "You've turned down every boy who's asked you."

Meiling got that sly smile on her face. "I've been waiting for Tanaka-kun to ask me. We're finally going out tonight, so I'm going to drop plenty of hints."

_The poor guy_. Tomoyo almost felt sorry for Meiling's latest crush. _He doesn't stand a chance._

"In fact," Meiling continued, checking her watch, "I need to get home and start getting ready. He's picking me up at five. We're going to see that new movie. You know, the one with what's-his-name about that thing and then some other stuff happens."

"You have no idea, do you?" Tomoyo laughed.

"No, but who cares? Have you _seen_ Tanaka-kun?" Meiling grinned, glad to see that Tomoyo had cheered up.

"Do you want me to help you get ready? I could do your hair for you."

"Actually…" Meiling looked a little uncomfortable. "We're doubling with Syaoran and Sakura-chan, so she's coming over early…" Her words trailed off as Tomoyo's face fell. "I'm sorry, Tomoyo-chan," she said softly.

Tomoyo pasted a bright smile on her face. "Don't worry about me. I still have homework to do, anyway. You'd better get going. You'll want to look absolutely gorgeous for Tanaka-kun."

Meiling put her hands on her hips and pouted. "You mean I'm not gorgeous already?" Now Tomoyo's smile was genuine. Meiling took her hand and gave it a friendly squeeze. "I'll call you, okay?"

Tomoyo nodded. "Have a good time." She waved as the ruby-eyed girl skipped off, her raven ponytail bouncing behind her.

Tomoyo sighed. _Alone again_, she thought as she left the store and walked down the street, pausing occasionally to look at the window displays. _We all used to be so close, the four of us. __In junior high we always hung out together_. Then last year Sakura and Syaoran started getting serious about each other, and things were never the same after that.

That's how Tomoyo and Meiling ended up spending so much time together. When Sakura and Syaoran paired off, it was like they'd each lost their best friend. _At least she lives with Li-kun, so she still sees him. I never see Sakura-chan anymore. And now, they're double dating, which leaves me out all together._

She really missed going over to Sakura's house after school. It was such a warm, happy place, so different from her big, empty house. Sakura's father was always so kind and welcoming, which lessened the pain of not even knowing her own father. And then there was the teasing way that Sakura and Touya would fight with each other, making Tomoyo long for a sibling of her own. _Of course, he doesn't live there anymore. So much has changed. Why do things have to change?_

She'd thought she was done crying over all that, but she couldn't stop the tears from forming in her eyes. _I'm just overemotional today. I guess I know what _that_ means. Maybe I should just go home and crawl into bed for the next four days._

It was a good excuse. She almost believed it. She kept her head down, trying not to cry, as she stepped off the curb.

"Look out!"

The next few seconds were a blur. Tomoyo felt a pair of strong arms go around her waist and snatch her out of the street just as a car honked and braked to a screeching halt. She fell backwards and landed on something hard. The wind was knocked out of her, and she tried to catch her breath, putting her hands over her pounding heart and gulping for air.

"Are you all right?"

It was then that she realized she was sitting on her rescuer. She turned her head and found herself looking down into the dark eyes of Touya Kinomoto. "Tou—Sensei," she breathed.

"Are you all right?" Touya asked again.

She managed to nod. _He has the most beautiful eyes_, she thought, _that rich coffee brown with little gold flecks. _She stared at him, wondering why she'd never noticed before, and wondering why she was noticing now.

"That's good." He leaned up a little and rubbed the back of his head. "Think you can get up?"

_Because you're still sitting on him.__ Stupid, stupid, stupid_, she scolded herself as she stood up shakily. But she wasn't sure if she was shaking because of the fall or for some other reason. She smoothed out her skirt with sweaty palms. "I'm sorry." She noticed that he grimaced as he stood up. "What about you? Are you hurt?"

"I don't think so. Besides, it's not every day that I get to save the life of a pretty girl." Her eyes widened at his words. _Now, what made me say that? It sounds like I'm hitting on her._ He tried to give her a reassuring smile, but the way she was looking at him made him afraid that it came across as a leer. _Maybe she's just in shock from what happened_. "Look at you. You're trembling." He closed his hand around her arm and led her to a bench. "Sit here. I'll get you some water."

He soon returned with two bottles and handed her one as he sat down on the bench next to her. "Thank you, sensei," Tomoyo said politely. She felt herself blushing as she took a small sip. _He's only being nice to me because of the accident,_ she told herself. _It doesn't mean anything._

"You're welcome, _Daidouji_," Touya replied, raising his bottle in a mocking toast before taking a long swig. "Why so formal? We're old friends, right?" _Well, not really,_ he thought.

"Sure, I guess." _Not really. _

_She still seems shaken up. Maybe if I sit with her for a minute, she'll relax. _"So, old friend," he said jokingly, trying to make her feel better, "if I were to ask you something, would you give me an honest answer?"

"Of course."

_Way to go, genius. Now you have to come up with something._ "What do you think of my class?"

She wasn't expecting that. She groaned. "You don't really want to know, do you?" she asked, smiling a little.

He laughed, and the sound made her feel warm all over. "That bad, huh? Sakura says I'm too tough, but she's just mad because I won't help her."

"By helping her, you mean giving her the answers?"

"Exactly. So, what do you think? Is it too difficult?" For some reason, he really did want to know what she thought.

"Well," Tomoyo began, "it's supposed to be difficult, isn't it?"

He wagged his finger at her. "You said you'd answer honestly. Stop evading the question," he teased.

She hoped she wouldn't give her feelings away. It would be too embarrassing. "It's challenging, but interesting. I think you're doing really well." _He's going to know_, she thought. _He asked the one person who hangs on his every word._

"Really?" He seemed relieved. "It's hard to tell, you know? Especially when all I hear are complaints from Sakura and that ga—" He bit his tongue. "—Li. Ow."

_What a strange thing to do._ But the expression on his face was too funny. She couldn't help it—a little giggle slipped out. "What was that for?"

Touya rolled his eyes. "I can't call him that anymore, but I still slip up sometimes. What's really irritating is that he's a smart kid, so I can't say anything bad about his work. I think the little punk just does it to show me up."

"You two will never get along, will you?"

"No, but that's okay." He gave her a knowing look. "You don't like him, either."

Tomoyo was taken aback, not so much because of his matter-of-fact tone, but by the way this statement seemed to make something click inside her, like the missing piece of a puzzle that had stumped her. "Of course I like him," she said slowly. "Li-kun is a good person, and he makes Sakura-chan happy." It was all true, but the words sounded hollow, even to her own ears.

"Maybe so, but you still don't like him. I can tell. You're like me." He stared off at something she couldn't see, like he was lost in his own thoughts. "We resent him. He's taking her away from us."

She thought about this, and she realized he was right. No matter how much she liked Syaoran, she would always resent him for coming between her and Sakura. It wasn't his fault, but that didn't change the way she felt. And deep inside, she knew that they both cared about her and weren't intentionally hurting her. That's just what happened when two people fell in love. Their lives became about each other, and everyone else was left out.

Touya drained the rest of his water and tossed the empty bottle into a nearby trash bin. He hadn't meant for the conversation to take such a melancholy turn. He was trying to make her feel better. _But then, I've always been lousy at making people feel better_. "Anyway, enough about that. How do you feel?" he asked, pulling her out of her thoughts.

She looked at him blankly. "Feel?" _What does he mean by that?_

"Do you feel any better?"

_He wants to know if he can go_. "A little," she said weakly. _Liar.__ You're perfectly fine._ She was ashamed of her behavior._ What am I doing? Why, after all these years, have I suddenly developed this silly crush on him? And shouldn't I be over it by now? _She took another sip of her water and looked down at her feet as she swung her dangling legs.

When she'd smiled earlier, she'd looked like the happy little girl he used to know. And, although he didn't know why he'd noticed, she looked downright beautiful when she smiled. But now, she seemed so sad, and lost, and withdrawn. His heart went out to her. "You know," he began, not entirely sure why he felt the need to comfort her, "if you need someone to talk to, you can always come to me. I know I'm just Sakura's mean old onii-chan, but, if you want, I'll be your mean old onii-chan, too." Not only was he lousy at making people feel better, but apparently he was also lousy at making jokes, if her lack of response was any indication.

Tomoyo twisted the cap onto her water bottle and turned it upside down, then right side up again as she considered his words. _Maybe that would be best,_ she thought, _because he'll never see me as anything more than another imouto-chan. _She met his brown eyes, which was a huge mistake. She felt that ridiculous fluttering in her heart again. _No_, she decided. _I don't want him to be my onii-chan. But what _do _I want from him?_

He would have given all the money in his pocket to know what she was thinking. Granted, it wasn't much, but still. She hadn't responded to his offer, other than to look at him with an expression he couldn't describe. He could see that there was a whole world going on behind her violet eyes, but she wasn't willing to confide in him. _Well, what did I expect? We're practically strangers._ But that didn't change the fact that something in him was drawn to her. It was almost like he wanted to protect her from whatever was haunting her.

Touya shook his head. _What the hell am I on about, anyway? I don't need any drama in my life right now._ The silence was starting to get to him. The longer it remained quiet, the more these thoughts kept popping up and confusing him. _Say something, anything. School. Talk about school._ "Parents' Night is coming up next week," he said incongruously, his voice breaking the silence like a hammer shattering glass. "Will your mother be coming? I haven't seen her in a while."

"Okaa-sama!" Anything else Tomoyo might have been thinking was immediately pushed aside as she imagined Sonomi sending the family bodyguards out to search the streets for her daughter's lifeless body. She stood up quickly. "I have to go. Thank you for—" _Saving me? Sitting with me? Talking to me?_ "—everything." She bowed politely before taking off, leaving him sitting there, looking after her, and still staring at the spot when she was no longer in sight.

"Such a strange girl," he said to himself. "But then, she's always been a little strange." He gave a little snort of laughter when he realized what he was doing. "And I'm sitting here talking to myself. So which of us is the strange one?"

-----

Gee, in case you couldn't tell, this is my twist on the whole Nadeshiko-falls-out-of-the-tree thing. Well, you have to get them together somehow, don't you?


	3. Pests

L-chan's notes: If the last chapter was to get into Tomoyo's head a little bit, then this one is mainly centered around Touya. After that, I'll try to get on with it. Thanks and big hugs to those of you who've read and reviewed, and to those who will!

Disclaimer: See Chapter 1.

Shadows

Chapter 3—Pests

"Finished already?" Touya asked as he approached Sakura and Syaoran's lab table. He'd noticed the two of them talking rather than working on the lab assignment, and he wasn't about to let them sit and flirt during his class.

"Yes, sir," Sakura answered, frowning in annoyance. She didn't appreciate being interrupted in the middle of an important conversation, but she should have known better than to carry on with her boyfriend in front of her brother.

"Let me see your worksheet."

Syaoran handed him the page with an exaggerated flourish. Touya adjusted his glasses and glanced over their work. Each exercise had been completed, the results written in Syaoran's precise pencil strokes. He nodded. "Good work," he admitted reluctantly. Syaoran sat back with a smug grin. _Gaki,_ Touya thought, clenching his teeth to keep from saying it out loud. _Gakigakigakigaki_. "Since you two are so far ahead, why don't you get started on the review for Friday's exam?"

That wiped the satisfied little smiles off their faces. He managed to suppress the triumphant expression that was lurking beneath his even features as he moved on to the next table. "How are we doing, ladies?"

Meiling set her pencil down and shoved the worksheet in his direction. "Is this right?"

He propped his elbows on the lab table. "What do _you_ think?" he countered, not even looking at the page.

Tomoyo stifled a giggle as she rinsed the test tubes they'd been using. Meiling hated when he did that. She wiped the inside of a beaker with a paper towel while Meiling tried to get more information out of him.

"If I tell you what I think, will you tell me if I'm right?"

"Maybe." He noticed Tomoyo watching them, and when she met his eyes, he smiled at her. "What do _you_ think, Daidouji?"

_Idiot_, she scolded herself as her heart flipped. She tried not to blush and focused her eyes on their paper. "Well, considering that I did some of the work, I'd have to say it's right."

He nodded. "So, Li, your partner has a great deal of confidence in your results. What about you?"

Meiling's nose wrinkled as she reviewed their work. They'd followed the instructions carefully, measuring each of the chemicals precisely. She'd written the formulas out neatly and checked her math twice. And then there was the fact that they hadn't blown anything up, so that had to be a good sign. "I think that it's right, too," she finally admitted.

"Okay, then." Touya picked up their worksheet and added it to the stack he'd collected from the other groups.

"Well? Is it right?" Meiling asked.

"You'll find out tomorrow," he replied. "For now, finish cleaning up." With that, he went to check on the next table.

Meiling harrumphed and crossed her arms. "Just once, he could help us out a little." She continued muttering as she began to put their supplies away. "And he never did tell me how to make a star out of matchsticks."

Tomoyo wasn't listening to her friend's grumbling. Her violet eyes followed Touya as he discussed the assignment with Chiharu and Takashi. A soft sigh escaped her lips as she watched him smile and distractedly rake a hand through his thick brown hair. _Why can't I stop thinking about him? _

"Why, Tomoyo-chan," she heard Meiling murmur. She turned around, but Meiling just grinned at her and started copying the exam notes from the blackboard, humming under her breath.

"What was that?"

"Oh, nothing." But Tomoyo could've sworn she heard Meiling sing something about sitting in a tree.

-----

"I'm sorry I'm going to miss Parents' Night," Fujitaka said after dinner as Sakura washed the dishes. "I have to finish my notes for my presentation tomorrow morning."

"We can have our meeting now, then," Touya replied. He always had dinner at home on Wednesday nights. He tossed a quick glance at Sakura, and he saw her ear twitch, even though she was pretending not to listen. "Well, I'm afraid your daughter isn't quite reaching her potential. Her work is sloppy, and she never comes to class prepared. I wouldn't be surprised if she had to repeat the term. We're all very disappointed in her."

"What?" His sister turned around and put her hands on her hips indignantly. "I'm trying really hard, and—" She stopped when she realized he was teasing her. "That's just mean," she huffed, and she continued to pout silently until the doorbell rang. "That's Syaoran-kun. I'll get it."

Touya waited until she was gone before telling his father what he really thought. "Actually, Sakura's doing well. I'm proud of her. But don't tell her I said that."

"She won't hear it from me."

Sakura came back into the kitchen, dragging Syaoran behind her. "Good evening, sir," the chestnut-haired boy greeted Fujitaka politely. Then his brown eyes sparked as they matched Touya's. "Sensei," he acknowledged, his voice tinged with a hint of animosity. Touya just nodded dismissively in reply, but his fists were clenched at his sides.

Sakura knew better than to let these two spend any more time in the same room. She took two cans of juice from the refrigerator. "We're going upstairs to study."

"Don't work too hard. There are plenty of snacks if you want to take a break later," her father responded. She nodded and once again grabbed her boyfriend's arm to lead him away.

Touya had watched this exchange in disbelief. What happened to his father's rules? "You mean you let that ga—" He was surprised that he hadn't bitten his tongue clean off by now. It was certainly perforated. "—Li go up to her room?"

"Of course. They're studying."

Touya snorted. "Yeah, right. I can't believe you let her have her boyfriend in her room."

"There are no double standards in this house," Fujitaka answered calmly.

"Meaning what?"

His father gave him a knowing look. "Meaning there were plenty of times when you and Tsukishiro-kun studied up in your room. The only difference is that Li-kun doesn't sleep over."

Touya frowned, both at the insinuation and the unwelcome memory that surfaced. "That's not fair. You know that we weren't—"

"And neither are they. I trust them. They're good kids." Fujitaka stirred his tea before continuing in a loud whisper. "Besides, I have a spy."

The younger man thought for a second before he remembered his sister's guardian, who had been curiously absent from dinner. "Kerberos?"

His father nodded. "Do you honestly think he lets anything go on up there?"

A new picture formed in his mind, and Touya had to laugh as he imagined Kerberos in his true form, shooting his fire breath at the gaki. They'd bonded over their mutual dislike of Syaoran, spending hours devising various plans, some of them painful, some of them humiliating, to eliminate him from Sakura's life. Unfortunately, none of them had worked so far.

"He asked about you the other day," Fujitaka said suddenly, interrupting Touya's happy vision of flame-roasted gaki skewered with peppers and mushrooms.

His dark brows knitted in confusion. "Kerberos?" he asked again.

"No. Tsukishiro-kun."

_Yuki_. "Did he really?" Touya asked disinterestedly. That's how he hoped it came out, anyway. He stood up from the table. "Well, give him my regards. I need to be getting back to school."

Of course, there were times when he'd had to see Yukito occasionally over the last three years. As Yue, he was still Sakura's other guardian, and the Kinomotos were the only family that Yukito had. Whenever they were forced together socially, their brief conversations were polite and superficial, as if they were strangers. Yuki had fed him that line about "someday we'll be good friends again," but Touya didn't believe it any more than when Kaho had said it. It just wasn't possible, and Touya had found it easier to just leave that part of his life behind rather than try to salvage something that was so much less than what it had once been.

He knew it wasn't any of his business, but Fujitaka had always wondered what had gone wrong between them. "Want to talk about it?" he asked with quiet concern.

"Not really." Touya didn't feel anything anymore. Not anger, not disappointment. It had taken him a long time to get over it, and in the end it had just left him numb inside. "That chapter is closed. Hell, the whole damn book is closed and gathering dust on a shelf. I'm fine." He didn't care if he sounded convincing or not. He put his jacket on and reached into his pocket for his keys. "Thanks for dinner, and don't let Li stay too long."

-----

Touya greeted the parents of his third period students as they entered the classroom. He'd always wondered what went on at these Parents' Nights, and now he knew. It was actually pretty dull. He'd always imagined the parents and teachers plotting against their children, scheming together to make their lives miserable. Instead, it was just a matter of exchanging a few pleasantries, discussing the class requirements, and gulping down cup after cup of really bad coffee in a desperate attempt to stay awake through all eight sessions. He was about to shut the door when a late arrival appeared, flanked on either side by ladies in black suits and sunglasses.

"I know," Sonomi Daidouji barked into her cell phone. "But what do you expect me to do? Fine. Just put it on my desk, and I'll look at it tomorrow." She violently punched the power button and handed the phone off to one of her escorts. "I swear, if he does this one more time…" she muttered, shaking her stylish auburn bob in disgust.

"Welcome, Sonomi-san," Touya said, ushering her inside. "It's nice to see you."

Her violet eyes blinked in recognition. "Touya-kun? What are you doing here? You're not old enough to have a child in high school."

"I take it she didn't tell you."

"Tell me what?" She looked around for Fujitaka but didn't see him among the parents. "Oh, I see. You're here for Sakura-chan."

He shook his head. "Please have a seat. We'll talk later." He walked around to the front of the room, and it got very quiet as everyone turned their attention to him. _If only it were that easy with their children_, he thought wryly. "Good evening, everyone, and thank you for coming," he began. "I'd like to take a few minutes to tell you about myself and the objectives of this class, and then I'll be glad to speak with you individually and answer any questions you may have."

This was his third time through his spiel, and each time he finished a little more quickly. Most of the parents left when he was through, probably sneaking out for a smoke or to call home before heading to the next class on the schedule. A few stayed behind, and he briefly talked with them about their child's performance and any areas that needed improvement.

He was surprised to see that Sonomi had stayed and was waiting patiently. She even waved for him to finish with the other parents first. Finally he pulled up a stool across from her. "Well, Kinomoto-sensei," she said, clearly impressed. "Following in your father's footsteps?"

"You could say that," he answered. "He's a great man. I hope I can be just half the man that he is."

"Yes, well…" Even after all these years, she still hated to admit that Fujitaka Kinomoto wasn't the worst villain the world had ever seen. She cleared her throat uncomfortably. "So, tell me about Tomoyo."

Touya wanted to ask her the same thing. _Tell me about Tomoyo. Tell me why there's sadness in her eyes. _Lately he'd found himself going out of his way to be nice to her. He'd say hello to her before class, give her a little wink when he passed her in the hallways, anything to bring a smile to her face. He wasn't always successful, but when she did smile back at him, it made him feel like he'd been given something special. _Tell me how I can help her. Tell me why I want to. _

He didn't know where these thoughts were coming from, so he pushed them out of his mind. Sonomi was still waiting for him to answer her, and he hoped he hadn't been sitting there like an idiot for too long. "She's one of my best students," he said quickly with the detachment he'd used with the other parents. "She's always prepared, and her work is excellent."

Sonomi nodded. Of course Tomoyo's work was excellent. Nothing less would be acceptable. "Fine. Now that we've gotten that out of the way, I wonder if I could ask you something on a more personal level."

He raised an eyebrow at this, but he could see that she was serious. _Personal?_ He had to be the least qualified person on the planet to help her with a personal matter. This was already the longest conversation they'd ever had, not counting their debate at the last Amamiya family gathering as to whether the coffee was secretly decaffeinated, and, if so, who would commit such an evil deed. But he had to admit, he was intrigued. "I suppose so," he said slowly.

"Will you look out for Tomoyo? I don't want any pests attaching themselves to her."

"Pests?"

"You know," Sonomi said as she leaned forward, her violet eyes narrowing to slits. "Boys." The word seemed to leave a bad taste in her mouth. She sat back in her chair again, her arms crossed in front of her. "I'm sure I can trust someone with your… proclivities."

"Excuse me?" _What the hell does_ that _mean?_

"Tomoyo is a very special girl," she said, continuing as if he hadn't spoken. "Naturally, little bugs are going to be buzzing around her. They'll be attracted to her beauty and intelligence, and they'll try to make her forget her responsibilities. Well, I won't have it. I won't have them distracting her, and I certainly won't have them hurting her."

_That's it,_ Touya thought. That's what he recognized in Tomoyo's eyes. _She's been hurt. Why didn't I see it? I should know better than anyone how that feels_. "I still don't understand what exactly you want me to do," he replied.

"I know what a good brother you are to Sakura-chan, even if she did get involved with that Li boy, who, don't get me wrong, seems like a nice enough kid, but don't they all, until one day you turn your back and…" She almost forgot what her point was. "Anyway, it would make me feel better knowing that someone was keeping an eye on her, looking out for her best interests."

Touya still wasn't sure what she wanted. "Am I supposed to spy on her? Interfere in her social life? Beat up any guy that looks at her?" He shook his head. "I don't think I can do that."

"No, no," Sonomi said. Then she sighed, the soft puff of air making her short bangs flutter slightly. "I don't know. You've been the older brother of a teenaged girl long enough to develop some protective instincts. Just use your own judgment. If you see Tomoyo getting off track, being bothered, or anything, I want you to help her. And," she added, pointing a finger at him as if she couldn't stress it enough, "I want you to tell me."

_It's not my place,_ he tried to tell himself, but at the same time, he wanted to do whatever he could for her. _If she needs me._ "All right," he finally agreed. "But it'll be my judgment, my terms. I won't get involved unless it's absolutely necessary." But he knew that he was already involved, whether he liked it or not.

She closed her eyes briefly and nodded. It would have to do. "Fine." Sonomi Daidouji was a woman used to getting her way.

And Touya Kinomoto was a man who had no idea what he'd just gotten himself into.

-----

I wasn't planning on Sonomi coming into the story yet, but I love irony.


	4. Anything Can Happen

L-chan's notes: I'm falling behind again, but I want to say I truly appreciate all of you for your patience and your comments. Thanks everyone!

Disclaimer: See Chapter 1.

Shadows

Chapter 4—Anything Can Happen

The decorating committee did an impressive job turning the gray school gymnasium into, well, a prettier gymnasium. They went all out for the May Day Dance, the first real social event of the school year. Bouquets of fresh cut flowers were placed throughout the room, filling the air with a heavenly scent. Colorful streamers and balloons in pale pinks, sunny yellows, leafy greens, and bright blues seemed to bring the outdoors inside, creating an atmosphere of springtime.

Meiling's arm was linked through Tomoyo's as they walked in. "See? Now aren't you glad you came?"

Tomoyo did admire the obvious hard work put in by Rika and the other members of the dance committee, but she still didn't know why she was there. _How did I let her talk me into this?_ she wondered as she looked at Meiling's excited expression. She checked her watch, twisting the loose band around her wrist. _Eight o'clock__. She said I could leave at nine if I wasn't having a good time. Eight-oh-one. Fifty-nine minutes to go._

Meiling's smile lost a little of its gleam. "Tomoyo-chan, you promised. Please try to have fun. Remember, anything can happen at a dance." And if Meiling had guessed right, something _would_ happen. She wanted to see Tomoyo happy again, and she could only think of one thing that might do the trick.

Tomoyo nodded as she looked around at her classmates. Some of them were dancing, others were talking or eating. A group of girls stood near the punch bowl, trading secret glances with a group of boys in the corner, each group pretending not to be interested in what the other was doing. She sighed, thinking about the long hour ahead of her, watching everyone else find someone special to be with.

Meiling sighed, too. At least she'd gotten Tomoyo to come. Now where was _he_? She cast her ruby eyes around the room, but her search was immediately interrupted by a tap on her shoulder.

"Good evening, Li-san, Daidouji-san," Hiro Tanaka greeted with a grand bow, his pale hair falling into his green eyes. "I hope I'm not late."

"Right on time, as usual," Meiling replied with a grin. "I'll be with you in just a minute." She watched her date as he went to get two cups of punch. "He's so cute," she murmured dreamily before turning her attention back to her friend. "Now, Tomoyo-chan—"

"I know, I know. I'll try."

That was the best she was going to get. "Fine. I'll see you later." She gave Tomoyo a quick hug and left to join Hiro before he could start talking about baseball with some of his teammates.

_Eight-oh-seven._ Tomoyo saw a row of unoccupied chairs along the wall and decided to stake out a spot before the dancers took a break. She sat down, smoothing out the skirt of her royal blue dress as she daintily crossed her ankles. It was an old dress, but one she'd made herself. When she finally gave in and agreed to come with Meiling, she hadn't had time to sew a new dress, so she just modified one from last year. She'd sliced off the long sleeves and turned them into shoulder caps, removed the sheer overskirt to simplify the design, and added a sash that tied in the back, cinching the skirt tight around her waist. With a matching hair ribbon and simple pearl jewelry, she looked absolutely elegant.

_Why did I go to so much trouble? I don't have anyone to look nice for. _

"Daidouji-san?" A quiet young man from the choir whose name escaped her suddenly appeared out of nowhere. "Would you like to dance?" he asked nervously, paying more attention to his shoes than to her.

"Thank you, but I'm not feeling too well at the moment." It was somewhat true. _Eight-twelve._

Across the gymnasium, Touya was doing his best to keep an eye on the students. He'd quickly learned that being a new teacher definitely had its downside. _You're automatically drafted for the jobs no one else wants._ He and three other new teachers were asked to chaperone the dance in a manner implying that refusing was not an option. _Good thing I don't have a life_.

He held a cup of punch bad enough to rival the Parents' Night coffee for the coveted Most Vile Beverage award, wondering how a school with a budget that allowed for state-of-the-art technology and a wide range of extra-curricular programs couldn't manage to provide decent drinks. He sipped at it anyway, the offending orange flavor staying on his unfortunate tongue for far too long, as he tried to seem as inconspicuous as possible. He could do his job better if he just blended into the background.

_At least the music is decent._ The band that the dance committee had found was actually very good. It was made up of a group of university students looking for some extra cash to help with their expenses. Their setup was simple, but their lack of flashy stage presence was more than made up for by their talent. The guitar player began strumming the chords for a ballad, and the female singer's throaty voice wrapped around the romantic lyrics.

_Time to make the rounds_, he guessed. He tossed his half-empty punch cup into a trash bin and began a quick tour of the gym, looking for… inappropriate behavior. That's what they told him to look for. Not that he knew what exactly that consisted of. _Could they be a little more vague?_ He never went to any of these dances when he was a student, so he didn't know what was acceptable and what wasn't. Everyone seemed to be having a good time, but not too good a time.

Touya spotted his precious little sister and her gaki, and while he would have liked to separate them, he couldn't come up with a good enough reason to justify the embarrassment it would cause all three of them. He simply raised an eyebrow at Syaoran as he walked past, just to say, "I'm watching you." Syaoran responded by holding Sakura closer and giving Touya a look that dared him to do anything about it. _One of these days_, he fumed silently, shoving his clenched hands into his pockets as he continued his path around the gym.

Along the opposite wall was a row of folding chairs, and that's where he spotted Tomoyo. _I didn't expect her to be here. But then, why shouldn't she be?_ It looked like he'd found the one person who wasn't having a good time. She was sitting alone, and he saw her sigh and glance at her watch, mouthing the time. He checked his own watch. _Eight-twenty-nine.__ Is she waiting for someone?_

A dark-haired boy walked up to her and said something, but she shook her head as she answered with a polite, if forced, smile. The young man walked away dejectedly, and the smile disappeared from Tomoyo's face. Once again, Touya felt an overwhelming urge to help her. _She looks so miserable. What happened to that happy little girl with the video camera?_

Maybe that was part of the problem. Maybe everyone only saw her that way and as nothing more. He'd been guilty of such labeling himself, and a victim of it, too.

_Stop trying to be everyone's onii-chan_, Yuki had said that cold December night.

But he couldn't help it. He needed to be needed. Sakura didn't need him anymore, and neither did Yukito. But maybe Tomoyo did.

He stopped near one of the snack tables and debated going over to her. _Sonomi-san asked me to watch out for her. That's all I would be doing. Just checking on her. Nothing wrong with that, right?_ He sighed and ran a hand through his brown hair, nodding in greeting to a couple of students who had approached to bravely try the punch. He didn't know why he was hesitating.

Tomoyo was beginning to wish she'd brought a book, but that would have gone against Meiling's order that she have fun. _It would have been more fun than sitting here alone_. She'd been watching Sakura and Syaoran, who had yet to come over and say hello to her, even though she was sure that Meiling had told them she was there. But even Meiling hadn't been back to see how she was doing. _Maybe I could just slip out_. She was considering it when she saw a shadow moving toward her out of the corner of her eye. _Not again_. She prepared her apologetic smile and looked up, but the smile on her lips was replaced by a surprised O shape as her eyes met Touya's.

"Good evening, Daidouji." He always said her name with a slight mocking tone. It had become something of a private joke between them.

"Good evening, sensei," she replied. She felt her treacherous heart beat a little faster. It wasn't right that a man should look so good. He was still dressed in the navy suit he'd been wearing during classes, a matching navy-and-green striped tie laying neatly against his crisp white shirt. His dark hair was a little disheveled, the long strands falling in his brown eyes. He looked younger, somehow. Something was different.

He noticed the empty chair next to her. "Do you mind if I sit here for a minute? I've been on my feet all day."

She shook her head, trying not to stare at him like some lovesick schoolgirl as he sat down, and then her brain finally locked on what was missing. "Where are your glasses?"

He held open his jacket, and she saw the wire-rimmed spectacles peeking out of his pocket. "I hate wearing them, but I need them for reading. Pretty geeky, huh?"

"They're not so bad. I think they make you look very—" _Nice. Intelligent. Handsome. Sexy. _"—distinguished."

Touya put his hand over his heart as if she'd wounded him. "Oh, God, that makes me feel old. Next you'll be telling me that my hair is turning gray."

She couldn't resist. Tomoyo's lips twitched ever so slightly as she squinted and tilted her head to consider him. "You know, now that you mention it…." Then she giggled at his panicked expression before he realized she was kidding.

"That's not funny," he reprimanded, wagging his finger at her. He was surprised by how good it felt to see her smile, to hear her laugh. The change from how she appeared just a couple of minutes ago was amazing. There was light in her eyes again, and she just looked so… so… "So, why is a pretty girl like you sitting here all alone?" he asked before he could let himself finish that thought.

She fought back the blush that threatened to spread over her cheeks. It was the second time he'd called her pretty, even if he was just saying it to be nice. "I'm not really one for dances," she replied, "but Meiling-chan said I had to come and hear the band." Meiling had kept pushing the issue until Tomoyo finally relented. For the first time, she was glad that her friend had been so persistent.

"Yeah, they're all right. Students from the university?"

She nodded. "I was hoping I could ask them about the music program there. I'd love to apply next year, if I can convince my mother to let me."

"She doesn't want you to go?" That was odd. When he'd talked to Sonomi at Parents' Night, she'd made it clear that she had great ambitions for Tomoyo's future. _Surely that includes university._

"Oh, she wants me to go to the university, but on the business track." They'd already had several arguments about it, even though Tomoyo had just barely started studying for the entrance exam. _It's never too early to start preparing,_ her mother was always reminding her. _The program is very demanding. Just because you've always done well in school doesn't mean you won't have to work hard._ How many times had she heard that? "She wants me to work with her, be just like her. It's all she's talked about since I started school." She looked down at her folded hands. _Why am I telling him all this?_

"But that's not what you want." He could tell by her tone. Touya forgot his responsibilities and got more comfortable in his chair, turning a little so he could face her as they talked. _The more I know about her, the better I'll be able to help her._ He didn't realize that there might be more to it than that. That, maybe, he just wanted to know her.

Tomoyo shook her head. "I want to teach music," she confided, meeting his kind eyes again. "I want to work with children and nurture in them the same love and appreciation for music that I have. Music has always been so important to me, and I just need to share that feeling with others. It's why I love singing so much. It's like… giving a part of myself. If that makes any sense," she added shyly. She felt silly troubling him with her ramblings, but he seemed genuinely interested. And she knew she could trust him with these things.

_Just like 'kaa-san_. She really was like Nadeshiko. His mother had always loved music. It was something she'd passed on to him. Maybe it just ran in the family. "I think I know what you mean," he said. "When I was eight, my mother taught me how to play the piano. It's always been a way for me to express what I'm feeling when nothing else seems enough, or when I just can't otherwise. If _that_ makes any sense," he repeated with a grin. He hadn't told anyone that before. But it didn't seem strange to open up to her like this. He knew she would understand.

And she did. "That's it exactly." She'd never been able to explain that to her mother. Sonomi had always encouraged her music as a hobby, but just as a hobby. Tomoyo didn't think she realized just how important it was to her. "I've always wished I had learned the piano. It's one of the few lessons my mother never signed me up for." She laughed a little. "It would probably come in handy if I were to teach elementary music, wouldn't it? Maybe someday I'll get around to it."

"I could teach you." The words were out before he knew it.

"Really?"

She looked so excited; there was no way he could take it back. He didn't even want to. It might be fun, and he could use the distraction. It would be better than sitting around his apartment alone, nursing a warm beer and watching the World Cup replays on television, feeling sorry for himself. "Well, I could try," he amended. "I tried teaching Sakura once, and it did not go well at all. I don't think we spoke to each other the rest of the weekend."

She laughed with him, picturing the two of them fighting and yelling, Touya throwing up his hands in frustration and Sakura stomping off. "Is it really all right? I don't want to impose. And I'd pay you, of course."

He dismissed her offer with a wave of his hand. "Don't even think about that. I want to do it. A favor for an old friend," he said, winking at her, and she responded with a shy smile. He thought he was simply teasing her, but anyone else would have called it flirting. He just liked seeing her smile. She was so lovely when she smiled. There was something beguiling about her. It was hard to believe that she was Sakura's age. Her beauty and maturity made her seem older than sixteen. And if she _were_ older, and not one of his students, he'd probably even want to… _Want to what? God, what the hell is wrong with me? Maybe I need to get out more, meet people my own age instead of hanging out with high schoolers._

"Something wrong?" she asked, noticing the strange expression that crossed his face. _He's not changing his mind, is he?_

Touya shook his head, hoping that whatever insanity had briefly possessed him was gone now. "Do you have a pen? Let me give you my address, and you can come over tomorrow afternoon, say around two or so. Is that okay?" He spoke quickly, scribbling down the information. He wasn't supposed to be sitting here. He was there to chaperone the students, and he almost needed a chaperone himself. "Hey, it looks like the band is taking a break now. You should go ask them about the university. I'll see you tomorrow."

Tomoyo watched him walk away with a little tinge of disappointment. She'd enjoyed talking to him, but she knew that he had other responsibilities, and she'd been taking up his time. She looked down at the piece of paper in her hand with a happy anticipation that she hadn't felt in months. _Tomorrow, I'll have him all to myself_.

-----

This still seems awkward while I contrive ways to get them together. I hope it will become more natural. As always, thanks for reading and reviewing.


	5. Lessons

L-chan's notes: Thanks for reading so far. I'm so glad people like this idea. Hugs all around!

Disclaimer: See Chapter 1.

Shadows

Chapter 5—Lessons

Tomoyo stood nervously in front of the apartment door, checking and double-checking the number. _204_. She knew she had the right one. _204_. She'd memorized Touya's address, but she kept glancing from the scrap of paper in her hand to the engraved plate next to the doorbell. _204_. She raised her hand, but her finger stopped just short of the little black button. _I'm early. He said __two o'clock_.

_So what are you going to do, Daidouji_, she chided herself, _stand here like a dummy for the next fifteen minutes? He said "two or so". This is "or so"_. She quickly pressed the buzzer and then jerked her finger back as if the button had shocked her. _Oh, God_. She made sure her pink blouse was properly tucked into her khaki skirt and that her long lavender tresses hadn't come loose from the french twist she'd spent so much time on.

_Who's the lucky guy?_ her mother's assistant had teased.

_I'm such a fool. Maybe he's out, and I can go back home and change…_

Too late. The door opened, and there he was, looking much more comfortable in a gray university sweatshirt and a pair of faded jeans. He was wearing his glasses, and a red pen was clenched between his teeth. "Hey. Come on in," Touya tried to say before taking the pen out of his mouth. "Sorry. Come in. I'm just finishing something."

She followed him inside, nervousness suddenly replaced by curiosity as she got her first look at his home. It was probably a typical young bachelor's apartment, although she didn't know what she was basing that assumption on. It was small and tidy but a little bare, just a couple of framed art prints on the standard white walls, a sofa and coffee table, television, two bookcases, and his desk and chair. She could see into the kitchen, which almost had enough space for the small dining table and two chairs, and just off of the living room was the hallway, which, she guessed, led to the bedroom and bathroom.

He watched her as she took everything in. "It's not much, but it's all I need."

"It's very nice," she said sincerely. He probably thought she was looking down on him, because she was used to her large house and a staff of servants, but really she was just wondering where the piano was. _Does that mean it's in his…?_ She tried not to blush as her eyes glanced toward the hallway.

Luckily, he didn't notice as he sat back down at his desk. "Make yourself at home. I've just got a couple more exams to correct, then I can put all this mess away."

Tomoyo should have sat down and folded her hands in her lap like a demure young lady, but instead she stood behind him and looked over his shoulder. "Have you graded mine yet?" she asked.

"Mmm," he mumbled, the pen back in his mouth as he flipped through the stack.

"Can I see?"

"You'll get it back tomorrow, just like everyone else," he replied in his sensei voice, marking red slashes across some unfortunate student's paper.

"Please? I won't tell." She didn't know what possessed her, but she reached around him and made as if to grab the pile of exams. "How did Meiling-chan do? She was really worried about—" Her arm brushed against his, jostling his hand and causing the pen to make a long streak across his notebook. She jumped back. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean… I was just…"

"Maybe I'll work on this later." Touya shoved the exams into a folder and stretched a thick rubber band around the file, setting his glasses on top. "Do you want some tea or something before we get started?"

"Only if it's no trouble," Tomoyo answered, now standing next to the bookcase on the other side of the room, where she'd be out of his way.

"No trouble. It's as easy to make for two as it is for one." And on that true yet somewhat depressing note, he went into his cramped kitchen, folded his arms on the countertop, and lowered his head with a heavy, silent sigh.

He'd just had to get away from her for a second. When she'd brushed against him, he'd flinched as if he'd never been near a woman before. _Girl,_ he corrected himself, _not woman. She's only sixteen. Sixteen._ Although with her hair up like that, she could easily pass for twenty. _Oh, good. Concentrate on _that He had a feeling that this was going to be a long afternoon.

He rifled through the cabinets noisily in an attempt to drown out his thoughts, pulling out the cups and saucers, looking for spoons. "Honey?"

Tomoyo almost dropped the book in her hand. "Excuse me?" she replied cautiously, wondering if she'd heard him right.

"Do you want honey?"

She felt incredibly stupid. "Just milk, please."

She slid the book back into its place on the shelf and picked up another. She was always fascinated by people's book collections. You could tell a lot about a person by what they read, or sometimes by what they didn't read, in which case the perfectly preserved books were just there for show. Touya's books were haphazardly arranged, some standing up straight, others stacked on top of each other, and most of them were well worn. He had an eclectic assortment of science text books, suspense novels, historical references, poetry, and philosophy.

All of this said two things. He liked facts, logic, answers, solutions. But he was also intrigued by ambiguity. Going through his books either confirmed what she already knew about him or enhanced her understanding of his personality. He was intelligent, thoughtful, and serious, but he could have fun, too. He had an appreciation for the beauty and mystery of life. And even the placement and condition of the books on the shelves told something about him. He liked things neat, but he wasn't obsessive about it. He wasn't concerned with appearances. He was… real.

When Touya brought the tray into the living room, he saw Tomoyo looking at one of his books. He squinted, trying to make out the title. Well, at least he thought he recognized the cover. "Are you into philosophy?" he asked.

She nodded. "I wrote a paper on this last year. The idea that dreams are the purest form of reality… well, it was a little over my head, but I still thought it was an amazing theory."

He'd first read it at nineteen, and it had been over his head, too. He was surprised that she'd understood it enough at fifteen to write a paper on it. "I've got another one of his, somewhere. I think it was on identity." He rummaged through the stacks until he came across the volume. "Have you read this?"

She took the dog-eared paperback from him and skimmed the paragraphs on the back cover. "I meant to, but I didn't know if it would be even harder to get through."

"I haven't read it in years, but I don't think it was as obtuse as the other one. You can borrow it, if you want." Something niggled at him about that book, but he wasn't sure what it was.

"Thank you." Tomoyo sat the book next to her bag before joining him on the sofa.

Touya poured the tea and added milk to her cup before handing it to her. "So, what was your paper about?" he asked with both genuine interest and a need to distract himself from the fact that she was sitting so close. He didn't know why she was affecting him like this. Maybe it was just because he'd never had a woman—_girl_—in his apartment before. It made the small space seem even smaller.

"We had to choose a theory and then argue for or against the validity of it, based on personal experience."

"I remember doing that. Which side did you take?"

"I foolishly tried to prove that he was right, that dreams are a reality above the physical world." Her friends had slogged through the assignment, glad when it was over, but she'd enjoyed the challenge, coming away with exciting new ideas but no one to discuss them with.

"Ah, but how can something created only in the mind be more real than things experienced through the senses?"

"But that's just it. In dreams, objects still have color, sound, and texture, only you sense them directly. You see…"

They continued debating over tea, and Touya realized how much he missed having someone to talk to like this. He and Yukito used to spend hours going back and forth on existentialism and moral relativism or whatever else had been covered in their class that day at the university. For a high school student, Tomoyo more than held her own, capably backing up her arguments when she could and graciously admitting defeat when she couldn't. He had to admit that he was impressed, and that he was actually having fun.

Tomoyo didn't know exactly when her attitude toward him had changed, but once they'd started talking, her shyness just vanished. She didn't see him as Sakura's brother, or her teacher, or even as someone she was harboring a mad crush on. He was still all of those things, of course, but maybe he was her friend, too, just as he'd said all along. He was someone she could talk to, someone she could trust.

"When you finish that book, we should do this again," Touya said as he cleared away the dishes.

"Sure, I'd like that." She offered to help him with the dishes, but there really wasn't room for both of them at the sink. She stood in the kitchen doorway until he finished.

He turned to her with a smile. "Now, I believe I promised you a piano lesson."

She'd almost forgotten. That was the whole reason she came over, wasn't it?

She followed him down the short hallway, and any degree of comfort she'd started feeling around him was slightly diminished by the realization that she was going to be alone with a man in his bedroom. She didn't want to blush, but she could feel the warmth beginning to spread over her cheeks. She knew the best way to get past it was to start talking again, to remember that they were friends and that there was nothing to be embarrassed about. "How long have you lived here?" she asked.

"About six months," he answered. "It shows, doesn't it?"

His room had a little more personality than the front of the apartment. There was a solid blue comforter on the double bed, a nightstand with his reading lamp and alarm clock, a stereo and more books on a bookcase, some framed photographs on the dresser, and an upright piano against the far wall. Doors led back to the hallway, the bathroom, and the closet. The walls were covered with a pale yellow paint, courtesy of the last tenant, and he'd tried to disguise the wan color by hanging some of his sketches.

"Do you like it? I'm sure it's much different than living at home." That had to get the award for Most Obvious Statement.

"Sometimes," he said, looking around the room. "But it can get a little lonely, especially at night."

"Do you get a lot of girls with that line?"

He didn't realize how that sounded until it was out. He groaned and covered his eyes. He wanted to kick himself, and hard. "Oh, God. That wasn't—" He peeked at her through his fingers, hoping he hadn't offended her, and he saw her trying not to giggle. Well, if she wanted to tease, he could play, too. "And, you know, if that doesn't work, there's always, 'Hey, want to come over for a _piano lesson_?'" His emphasis on the last two words implied a nefarious double meaning, and for just a split second her expression showed that she thought he was serious. Then he grinned, and she laughed.

"Well, that one worked," Tomoyo joked, sliding onto the piano bench. Back in elementary school, whenever she'd felt uncomfortable around Syaoran, she'd found that teasing him always helped. It gave her the advantage while he groped for a response. Now she knew it worked with Touya, too. She'd have to remember that. Only he was much quicker than Syaoran ever was.

He sat on the narrow bench next to her, and their knees bumped against each other. Everything seemed smaller with her here. He cleared his throat and looked down at the keyboard, trying to focus on the task at hand. His fingers idly roamed the keys in an old restless habit. "I don't have any beginners' books," he realized, the random striking of notes giving way to a familiar melody. "I should have thought of that. You do read music, right?"

She nodded, watching his hands effortlessly glide across the piano. He didn't even seem to notice what he was doing. _How does he make it look so easy?_

"Of course you do. That was a dumb question." He plunked out a couple of low notes to represent his addled thinking before lifting his hands. "I'll see if I can borrow some books from the music department for next time."

_Next time._ She hadn't thought of that. _Dummy. You can't learn everything in a single afternoon._ So, more lessons meant… more time with him. She closed her eyes and smiled to herself happily. She was already looking forward to it, if the rapid beating of her heart was any indication.

"Daidouji?"

Her eyes snapped open to find him looking at her curiously. If she was already with him, why was she wasting time daydreaming? "Sorry, sensei," she replied, keeping up her end of the joke. "I guess I spaced out for a second." She hoped the blush she felt creeping over her cheeks was also only in her imagination.

"Just don't let it happen in class," he teased. "Okay, I guess we should start with the basics." He flexed his fingers and poised them over the keys again. "Here is your middle C," he said, pressing the key and holding it as the note sounded in the room. "And here is C again. That's your octave." He slowly played the scale up and down. Then he turned to her with a sheepish smile. "Sorry if I'm being condescending. I don't mean to be."

She shook her head. "No, it's fine. You have to crawl before you can walk, right?"

"Something like that. Now, you do it." He took her hand and arranged her fingers over the keys, starting with the C. "See, like this."

His hand was so large, and so warm. He kept it over hers as he helped her find the notes, and now she was sure she could feel her cheeks turning pink. She tried not to think about it, but her fingers clumsily clunked along the keys as she played the scale. She cringed. "Well, that was bad."

He laughed. "You'll get better. You can sew, right? And type?" She nodded. "It's like that. Your fingers just have to learn the patterns, the motions, and soon it will become automatic." She didn't look convinced. "Trust me. Now, let me show you something else."

For the next half hour, Touya and Tomoyo sat together as he taught her the notes and she tried to get her fingers to obey his instructions. Neither let on how the close contact was affecting them every time he touched her hand or whenever she stepped on his foot to press the pedals. Next time he'd definitely have to stand and let her have the bench to herself. If her leg brushed against his one more time…

And then it did. "Okay, I think that's probably good for today. I can't really show you too much more without some music to go from."

She folded her hands in her lap. "Have your ears had enough punishment?"

"Well, I was trying not to say that, but, yeah."

This time she stepped on his foot on purpose, and she laughed when he made an exaggerated grimace. "So, let me hear how it's supposed to sound," she instructed as she stood up and stretched her arms over her head. "Will you play something for me?"

"What do you want to hear?"

"Anything."

She sat down on the edge of his bed, only because there was nowhere else to sit, but it still unsettled him to see her sitting there so casually. He turned his attention back to the piano and tried to think of something to play. It didn't really matter, because his fingers had already decided and were beginning to move over the keys.

She closed her eyes as she listened to the haunting melody. It was obviously a piece he loved, because he played it with the emotion it was meant to convey, the crescendos building slowly and then falling back again. It initially sounded somber, but there was something almost passionate about it as well. She couldn't describe it, but she could feel it, and it made her shiver. "That's really beautiful." She spoke in an awed whisper, as if she were afraid to disturb him.

"It's a piece my mother wrote," he said softly.

"Do you miss her?" She saw his shoulders tense, and she immediately wanted to take the words back. "I'm sorry. That was a really stupid question."

"Well, now we're even," Touya answered glibly. It wasn't so much the question about his mother that had bothered him, but thinking about it brought back the memory of the day he'd sacrificed his last link to her. _If I'd known then what I know now, would I have made the same choice? _He stopped playing and turned to face Tomoyo. "How much do you know about all that?"

"Just what Sakura-chan told me, that you used to be able to see her."

He nodded. It made sense that Sakura would tell Tomoyo about him. After all, she was there that day, and she'd seen him fall asleep in the most unusual places afterward. "I know she's there, even if I can't see her. She's still very close to me. When I start to miss her, I just remember all the things she gave me." He was constantly surrounded by reminders of his mother, from the songs she'd taught him to his cheerful little sister who acted just like her.

"My mother is always telling me about her. I wish I could have known her." It was true, even though Tomoyo sometimes felt as if she were living in Nadeshiko's shadow, trying to be something she wasn't to make Sonomi happy.

"She would have loved you," he said quietly.

She didn't know what to say to that. She met his brown eyes, but she couldn't read the expression she saw there. She just looked back at him, trying not to get lost in those coffee-colored depths.

Then he looked away. "So, when do you want to have your next lesson?" he asked, and a little too loudly.

She'd been caught staring again. She didn't mean to. _Will I ever get over this?_ "How about one day after school? Maybe Thursday?"

"Yeah, Thursday's good." He stood up and shoved his hands in the back pockets of his jeans. "So, I'll see you in class tomorrow."

_Don't let the door hit you on the way out, Daidouji_. "Okay." She walked back to the living room with him following behind. She slung her bag over her shoulder. "Thank you." Then she held up the book. "For this, too."

"No problem. See you tomorrow," he said again, holding the door open for her as if he were anxious for her to leave so he could get on with his life.

"See you tomorrow," she repeated, raising her hand in a little wave as she walked out.

Touya closed the door and leaned against it. He closed his eyes as he let out a long breath he didn't know he'd been holding. He'd never been so relieved to see someone go.

He'd once told Tomoyo that he'd be her onii-chan. Well, the thoughts running through his mind for the past hour had been anything but brotherly. Like how good she smelled, just a subtle floral fragrance, maybe lilac. Or that her glossy lips were the color of plum wine and looked as soft as rose petals. That her pale skin glowed like newly fallen snow. That her violet eyes were more beautiful than the ocean and twice as deep.

It was just wrong on so many levels. Tomoyo was only sixteen. She was Sakura's friend and Sonomi's daughter. She was his student. He wasn't supposed to think of her in any other way, no matter how lovely and intelligent and—

He muttered a curse under his breath and sank down on the sofa, throwing his arm over his eyes. He hadn't been this confused by his attraction to someone since he met Yukito. At least that had been about magic.

"Damn."

He finally remembered what had bothered him about that book.

-----

This was a long one, but I had a lot of things I wanted to get in. I'm trying to lay a foundation for their relationship, because I don't want it to just come out of nowhere.


	6. Maybe

L-chan's notes: Thanks so much to everyone who reviewed the last chapter. Oh, and this chapter is twice as long as what I usually write, so you may want to caff-up.

Disclaimer: See Chapter 1.

Shadows

Chapter 6—Maybe

After an interminable dinner with her mother, Tomoyo was finally able to escape to her room. She loved her mother, she really did, and dinner was usually the only chance they had to talk, but today was different. She'd been lost in a daydream ever since she left Touya's apartment, and she'd distractedly pushed her noodles around her plate until Sonomi said her name, apparently not for the first time.

"I'm sorry, Okaa-sama. What did you say?" she'd asked sheepishly.

"I wanted to know where you dashed off to this afternoon."

_I wouldn't exactly say that I dashed_. "I had a piano lesson."

Sonomi's violet eyes narrowed suspiciously. "Since when do you take piano lessons?"

"Since today. Kinomoto-sensei offered to teach me." Tomoyo noticed the almost imperceptible arch of her mother's perfectly shaped auburn brows, and she wondered if that implied skepticism or disapproval. "I meant to tell you—ask you—this morning, but you had already left for the office."

Sonomi didn't say anything as she refilled her coffee cup and stirred in a packet of low-calorie sweetener. She tapped the spoon against the cup before setting it on the china saucer. "Kinomoto-sensei," she repeated slowly. "Do you mean Touya-kun?" As far as she knew, Fujitaka wasn't musically inclined. If he was, then he would be disgustingly perfect. She didn't think she could deal with that.

Tomoyo nodded. "I was only over there for a couple of hours. You can call and check." She was focusing on this aspect rather than the lessons themselves, hoping that her mother would forget to forbid her from what she would surely consider a useless activity. If she could just continue to make a little bit of progress, adding piano lessons to her involvement in the choir, maybe someday she'd finally be able to convince Sonomi that music was more important to her than going to business school.

"That won't be necessary," Sonomi answered as she sipped at her coffee. She used to hate the stuff, but she'd gotten addicted during her last business trip to Los Angeles. It still tasted wretched, even with the sweetener, but she didn't drink it for the flavor. "I thought maybe you had a date. You know how I feel about that."

"Yes, Okaa-sama." Her mother's rules were perfectly clear on that matter.

Sonomi hadn't heard from Touya since he'd agreed to look out for Tomoyo, so she had no reason to believe that a boy had somehow entered the picture. And if there was anyone she trusted with her daughter, it was Nadeshiko's son. He understood that Tomoyo was not to be distracted from her responsibilities. Her future was too important. "So, you want to take piano lessons."

"Just a couple of times a week," Tomoyo explained in her most mature and steady voice, knowing that her mother was seldom swayed by displays of emotion when it came to negotiating, either in business or in personal matters. Tomoyo had learned long ago that it was best to be calm and pragmatic if she wanted to get her way. Even so, her pleading eyes conveyed just how much this meant to her.

"And these lessons won't interfere with your schoolwork." It was more of an order than a question.

"No, Okaa-sama."

"Then I suppose it's all right."

"Thank you." A small battle won. "May I be excused to study now?"

"Tomoyo," her mother stopped her as she stood up from the table, "you know I only want what's best for you, don't you?"

_She only wants what's best for me_, Tomoyo reflected now as she sat at her desk, going over her chemistry assignment. _But why can't she see that what I want is what's best? Maybe someday..._

She finished balancing the last equation and closed her textbook with a satisfied sigh. She'd completed her English and calculus homework earlier, and the history assignment was a pairs project, so she'd meet with Meiling after school tomorrow to work on that. She shoved all of her books into her backpack, tucking in a couple of extra pencils and making sure everything was accounted for.

After changing into her favorite yellow nightgown and plaiting her hair in a loose braid, she crawled into bed with Touya's book. She held it to her chest and closed her eyes, smiling as she remembered spending the afternoon with him. Her little crush should have gone away by now, but instead it seemed to be growing stronger. But she didn't care, as long as she could feel... _hanyaan_, as Sakura would call it. She'd always wondered what that meant. _It's warm and happy and just... wonderful_.

Tomoyo propped her pillows behind her so she could sit up to read. The chapters were brief but dense with theories on identity and purpose. _Not exactly light reading_, she thought wryly, trying to wrap her mind around the complex ideas presented. After the first two chapters, she was about to set the book aside for the night when she noticed some characters scribbled in the margin. Touya's handwriting. _He writes in his books?_ She hadn't noticed that when she'd gone through his shelves earlier.

She quickly thumbed through the book, seeing blue ink marking many of the pages where he'd made notes or underlined passages. She turned to a random page, and the word _Yuki_ jumped out at her. She flipped to another page, then another. _Yue, Yuki, Sakura, Yuki..._

She slammed the book shut and stared at the cover as her fingers gripped it tightly. _I shouldn't be reading this. Why would he lend it to me if he knew what was in it?_ But maybe he didn't remember. He'd said he hadn't read it in a long time. _How could he forget?_ It was like he'd used it as a journal, even using the blank pages between chapters to jot down disjointed thoughts.

Her fingers brushed over the bent corner of the book, and the _skitch-skitch_ sound of the curling pages tempted her to keep reading. She felt like she would be invading his privacy. But she was so curious about him. And he _did_ offer it to her. _If it gets to be too personal, I can always stop. Or tomorrow I can just go buy my own copy and give his back_.

Hoping her decision wouldn't cost her his friendship, she opened the book and continued reading.

-----

Touya shifted his books to his other arm as he tried to unlock his stubborn mailbox. Finally, the key wedged into the slot, and the metal door opened. He jumped back as an overpowering floral scent wafted out, immediately permeating the air in the building's entryway. As he suspected, a red envelope was stuck in among the other letters. _Akizuki_.

He scanned the rest of the mail as he trudged up the stairs to his door. _Bill, bill, junk, take-out menu_. It was always the same. If it weren't for Nakuru's monthly letters, he'd never receive anything interesting. And if it weren't for the bills, he probably wouldn't even bother to check his mail.

After dumping most of his books on his desk, he walked back to the bedroom, placing the music book he'd borrowed on the piano bench. Tomoyo was supposed to come over for her lesson after choir practice, but he wasn't exactly sure when that would be. He emptied his pockets and set his watch and glasses on the nightstand before changing out of his suit. He pulled on a pair of jeans and a brown v-neck sweater and ran a comb through his dark hair. _Time for a haircut_, he thought, pushing the errant strands out of his eyes. They fell right back into place.

When he went back into the living room, he stretched out on the sofa with the red envelope. He always looked forward to Nakuru's cheery letters, even though he'd never let her know that, with her news about Eriol and Kaho and detailed accounts of the pranks she loved playing on Spinel. She asked him when he would come visit them, saying that Yukito had just been and that they'd all had a very nice time together. She'd taken him to the park and the museums and his other favorite places in London. _Although,_ she wrote, _if possible, Yue is even less fun than Suppi. And does he_ ever _say anything? He just stands there with his arms crossed and those silver eyes boring right through you, like you're not even there. It's really annoying_.

As if she'd just realized what she was saying, the subject quickly jumped to the weather—rainy, of course—and her prized flower garden, of which she'd enclosed a photograph. She purposely kept things innocuous for the rest of the letter. Again she begged him to visit, and instructed him to hug Sakura and Kerberos for her. As usual, the letter ended with her asking him to marry her, accompanied by a scarlet lip print and little doodles of hearts.

Touya sighed as he shoved the pages back into the envelope. Nakuru always tried so hard to keep things light in her letters, and they would normally bring a smile to his face. He knew she wasn't serious about half the things she wrote, and her incessant proposals were just meant to exasperate him, which they did. But when she'd mentioned Yuki and Yue, he'd felt that emptiness again.

He'd gotten pretty good at ignoring it, and he'd learned to live with it. He'd willingly given that part of himself away. And then suddenly something would remind him, and the hole would make itself known with a dull, persistent ache. _Will it ever feel normal? Or will I always feel so... incomplete?_

He could have settled in for a long evening of melancholy introspection, but the buzzing of the doorbell interrupted his little pity party.

Tomoyo greeted him with a sweet smile as she held out a can of juice. "I got these downstairs. Want one?"

Just that simple gesture made him feel so much better. It was amazing what a little kindness could do for one's mood. "Thanks. Come on in, and we'll get started."

Tomoyo dropped her backpack on the sofa and shrugged out of her school blazer. Her nose wrinkled as she smelled the heavy scent of cheap perfume. _Did he have a date over?_ she wondered with a little flash of jealousy, pulling her navy tie free of its knot. Then she noticed the red envelope sitting on the coffee table. _A love letter. Of course. Someone that good-looking probably gets dozens of them_.

For about five seconds, Touya had been really happy to see her. Then she took off her jacket and tie, and those innocent attempts to get comfortable sent his mind in a direction it should never be allowed to go. He'd never realized that the Seijou uniform's skirts were so short. When he was in high school, he hadn't been that interested in looking at girls. Even now, surrounded by female students all day, he didn't really pay attention. But on Tomoyo, alone with him in his apartment, the uniform seemed like something out of a fetish magazine. The miniscule pleated skirt, the virginal white blouse, and those pristine white knee socks... _Pervert_, he berated himself, gulping down the cold juice, squeezing his eyes shut and unconsciously crushing the can. _It's Tomoyo, for God's sake_.

"I'm ready when you are."

"Sorry?" He opened his eyes again, and she was apparently waiting for something. _Probably her piano lesson, genius_. "Oh, right." Dragging his mind out of the gutter, he led her back to his bedroom, which naturally called for greater effort to accomplish the dragging.

"Are you okay?" He turned around, and she was looking at him with a worried expression in her violet eyes. "You seem out of it today."

He blinked, and things came back into proper focus. It was just like her to be concerned about him. She really was a caring, thoughtful girl. His mind was now mercifully clear. "It's just been a long week," he finally answered, giving her a tired smile. "And I _was_ starting to feel a little lonely. I'm glad you're here." He didn't mean to say that, but it was sincere. Something about her made him open up like that. It had been a long time since he'd felt comfortable enough with someone to share what he was feeling.

Tomoyo's heart fluttered at his words, whatever he meant by them. "Well, me, too," she answered, wondering if there was something more going on behind his brown eyes. "I've been practicing the scales you taught me, but it still just sounds like so much noise."

Touya laughed as he picked the book up off the piano bench. "Have a seat, and we'll work on that." She sat down next to him, and when their legs touched, he didn't move away, even though he knew he should. "If you thought I was being condescending last time, wait until you see the book I found," he told her with a grin as he opened the music book to the first page. "Keep in mind, this is for beginners, so they assume you know nothing." The page showed pictures identifying each note with a distinctive color. "They felt the need to give the notes little faces and personalities. See, the whole note is sleepy looking, and the eighth note seems rather excitable."

Tomoyo giggled as he pointed to the pictures. "I feel like I'm four years old. Can we skip to something a _little_ more advanced?"

"Now, now, you have to learn these things," he said, trying but failing to keep a straight face. "But remember, when you read grown-up music, the C's won't be red, and the D's won't be yellow."

"Aw, but they're so pretty!"

He chuckled as he turned to the next page, which showed a diagram of the keyboard with a finger chart. "Seriously, now, let's start here. I want you to know the right way to do this instead of picking up my bad habits."

After a few minutes of guiding her hands, he realized that it was too difficult, not to mention distracting, to keep reaching in front of her to position her fingers. He moved to stand behind her, which wasn't much better, because when he leaned forward, he could smell her hair. She'd left it down, held away from her face with a red headband, and he could almost feel it brushing softly against his cheek.

He closed his eyes and swore under his breath.

"Oh, no, what did I do wrong?" she asked anxiously.

"Nothing. You're doing fine." _Get a hold of yourself, Kinomoto_. "Ready to try an actual melody now?" He turned to the next page, which had large, colorful, smiling notes arranged on the staff.

She recognized the song as one she'd learned in elementary school, so at least she knew how it was supposed to sound. "I'll apologize for my playing in advance, in case you want to cut off your ears and end the torture." She wished he would sit with her, but it was probably better for him to stand behind her, because then he couldn't see her blush when he touched her. His arms reached around her, one hand pointing to the notes as the other helped her find the proper keys.

"That's not too bad, actually. Let's try it again."

He leaned close to her again, and it was hard for her to concentrate on what she was doing. He smelled good, like... _Like the park. Like trees and grass and sunshine and the wind._ She hit a wrong note and cringed. "Oops." _Focus, dummy._

"It's okay. Start from the beginning."

They went over the melody several more times, and he stood back, letting her play it on her own. Each time through, it became more fluid, and her confidence increased. "That almost sounded like music," Tomoyo exclaimed after making it to the end without a single mistake, even though she'd had to play it slowly.

"Almost," Touya agreed, and then he grunted when her elbow jabbed his stomach. "How about we call it a day? I'm just about sick to death of that song now." She turned around to give him a mischievous grin and started humming the tune. "Don't make me hurt you, Daidouji."

If she were braver or more experienced, she could have come up with a flirtatious rejoinder to that. Instead, she simply folded her hands in her lap and looked up at him. She didn't want to go. She'd looked forward to this all week, and they'd finished so quickly. "Thanks for letting me come today," she said softly. "It worked out well, because my mother left for Osaka this morning, and I didn't feel like going home and being by myself."

"I know how that is," he answered. Then a really, really stupid idea occurred to him, and whatever part of his brain was in charge of stupid ideas took control of his mouth. "Do you want to stay for dinner?"

"May I?"

He discovered that he loved that stupid part of his brain. He wanted to kiss it and buy it flowers. Her heart-shaped face just lit up at his invitation, and he knew he wanted her to stay a little longer. After all, he didn't want to be alone, either. "Sure. Oh, but wait. I haven't been to the market, so I don't know what I've got."

She followed him to the kitchen, and he opened the refrigerator, rolling his eyes as he inventoried the pitiful contents. "Well, there's a couple of beers, some leftover soup, two eggs, and..." He pulled out a plastic container, wrinkling his nose in disgust when he opened the lid. "Whatever this was, I think its best days are behind it." He pitched the whole box into the trash. "There's a burger place around the corner. I could go get us some take-out."

She nodded. "But you'll have to let me pay." She was already imposing on him enough as it was.

He crossed his arms in an X in front of him. "I won't hear of it. It's my house, so that's that."

"Understood," she replied with a jaunty salute, grinning when he smiled back at her.

Touya retrieved his wallet and keys from the nightstand in his room. "I'll be back soon. You can watch TV or something, if you want." And then he was gone.

Tomoyo heard the door click shut, and the silence in the apartment was oppressive. _This is weird,_ she thought. _I should have gone with him_. But she couldn't deny that a tremendous opportunity had landed in her lap. Part of her knew that she should sit down and start on her homework like a good girl, and the other part really wanted to snoop around. This internal battle was hard-fought, and in the end, homework suffered a crushing defeat.

His books and papers from school were sitting on his desk, but she knew better than to go through those. She'd already poked through his bookshelves, and there didn't seem to be much of interest in the kitchen. That red envelope on the coffee table beckoned to her, but that would be going too far. The only place she hadn't really explored was at the end of the hallway. _I really shouldn't._ Her feet didn't listen.

He had several family pictures on his dresser, most of them taken when he was young. One was a touching portrait with his father holding Sakura, who couldn't have been more than two, while nine-year-old Touya stood proudly next to his seated mother, her arm lovingly keeping him close to her. There was also a photograph of his parents on their wedding day, along with Sakura's most recent school picture, and almost hidden behind the other frames was a shot from their trip to Hong Kong several years ago.

Tomoyo picked up the wooden frame and examined the picture, taken on the ferry with the city behind them. Back then, Sakura had still been _hanyaan_ for Yukito and was standing between him and her best friend with a cheerful grin on her cute ten-year-old face. On Tomoyo's other side was Touya with his hands shoved in his pockets, wearing his usual expression of indulgent exasperation. She remembered that day, their last day before coming home, but she didn't remember this particular moment. She stared at her younger self, standing next to him, and wondered if she had this same picture somewhere. She didn't think she'd ever seen a picture of the two of them standing together before. But she'd never really focused on that.

After putting the frame back in its place, she sat down on Touya's bed, running her hand over the soft cotton comforter. He'd left his watch on the nightstand, and she tried it on, feeling its weight as it hung loosely on her wrist. Then she tried on his glasses and giggled at how blurry everything had become. She set them back down on top of the book he was reading and his watch next to it, just as he'd left them.

She stretched out and laid her head on his pillow, feeling the cool flannel of the white-and-green plaid pillowcase against her cheek. She wrapped her arm around it and turned her face into the pillow, inhaling his clean scent. She knew she was acting crazy, but she just wanted to feel close to him. Sighing sleepily, she closed her eyes. _I'll get up in a minute and go watch television, like he said._

The next thing Tomoyo knew, she heard the front door open. "I'm back," Touya called, and she sat up with a start, quickly swinging her legs over the side of the bed. She hadn't meant to doze off. She rubbed her eyes and ran to the bathroom to check her hair and wash her hands, hoping that he'd think that she'd only been in there and not in his room.

He was getting two plates out of the cabinet when she walked into the kitchen and sat down at the table. She had a guilty look on her face, but it was immediately replaced with a grateful smile when he set the take-out bag and sodas in front of her. "Thanks for inviting me to stay. It's really nice of you."

He just waved his hand dismissively and unwrapped his sandwich. "You don't like pickles?" he asked as he watched her pluck them off her hamburger.

"Not really," she replied. "You can have—" He was already grabbing them and adding them to his own burger.

"Do you want my tomato?" When she nodded, he peeled off the slice and set it on her plate. It was just like being at home, trading with Sakura, only she never let him have her pickles. But Yukito always did, even though he liked them, too.

They talked about school as they ate, and she tried to get him to tell her if they were having a chemistry quiz tomorrow, but he just shrugged. "It's a lab day, but that doesn't mean that there won't be a quiz as well."

"Fine, I'll read the stupid chapter," she grumbled, pretending to be annoyed. He just raised his dark eyebrows at her while he sipped his soda.

Then they talked about other things, music and art and anything else that came to mind. He told her about Nakuru's letter, and she was inwardly relieved to finally know where that perfumed envelope had come from. She replied by saying that she missed all the excitement of those days. A flicker of pain flashed in his eyes, and she knew he was remembering how he had been affected by those events.

She needed to tell him that she'd read his book. If they were truly friends, they couldn't have any secrets from each other. Well, except for the fact that she'd slept on his bed. He didn't need to know about that. He had to have realized what he'd given her, and that she'd seen it, but he hadn't brought it up.

Tomoyo took a last drink of her soda and cleared her throat softly. "I finished reading that book." In any other conversation, the comment would have seemed incongruous, but he immediately understood. "Do you want to talk about it?"

"Sure," Touya answered, trying to sound casual, but his eyes were focused on his plate. "What did you think of his idea that—"

"That's not what I meant."

"I know." He'd hoped she'd forget to read it, or that she'd just give it back, saying she wasn't really interested. He didn't know how to feel, knowing that she'd read his incoherent ramblings from that confusing time in his life. He looked up at her, and her violet eyes were filled with concern. _Maybe she would understand. Maybe if I just told someone, I might start feeling... I don't know... something_.

"I'm sorry," she said. "I shouldn't have read it."

"No, it's okay." Touya sighed deeply, wondering where to start. "I was going through a hard time back then. When Yuki needed me to save him, I didn't hesitate. But I had no idea what it would do to me. After I gave him my power, I didn't just feel tired. I felt... lost. Suddenly I had this emptiness inside me, a hole I couldn't seem to fill." He felt it now, and he closed his eyes tightly. _Why does it still hurt, after all this time?_

Tomoyo didn't even stop to think. She reached across the table and placed her hand over his, because it was the only thing she could do for him. His eyes opened, and his gaze went to their hands, her gesture of friendship. He turned his hand over to grasp hers, feeling the warmth and comfort she was offering.

"I needed something," he continued. It wasn't strange to bare his soul like this, because he wasn't really talking to her. He was talking to himself, saying things he hadn't thought about in a long time. "I needed an identity, a purpose. Whatever or whoever I was before was gone. So, I decided to throw myself into everything I did, determined to be the best. The best student, the best athlete, the best brother, the best boyfriend. The answer had to be in there somewhere. If I could just find it..."

He shook his head. "I tried too hard. Sakura said I was smothering her, but I thought she was just being a pesky little sister, so I didn't pay much attention. And then one day, when Yuki said the same thing..." His words trailed off again. That was something he did not want to talk about. "I've never been good at doing nothing, especially if I think someone needs me. I have to be able to do something, otherwise, I feel worthless. There's something I'm meant to do, I just know it. Something that will finally replace that missing part of me." He restlessly raked his hand through his hair and looked at her. "God, am I making any sense at all?"

She gave him a sympathetic smile. "Of course. I know I feel that way sometimes, too. Maybe it's normal. Maybe that's what life is for, to find that something that we're all meant to do and make our lives complete." She'd gotten more out of that book than she'd realized. That had been the author's point, though it had taken him two hundred pages and several abstract theories to say so, and she knew that he was right.

"Maybe." Touya put his hands over his eyes and rubbed them wearily, as if he were coming back from someplace deep inside himself. Then he ran his hands through his hair again and gave her a sheepish look. "I'm sorry. I don't know why I burdened you with all that."

"What are friends for?"

Her kindness and sincerity touched his heart, a place where no one had been allowed for a long time. Now he smiled, too. "Thanks. You're a good kid, Daidouji."

It was the worst thing he could have said, but he didn't know that. She tried to keep that smile on her face, knowing now how he really thought of her. "Thanks," she repeated. She finally tore her gaze from his, because she was afraid that he'd be able to read her feelings in her eyes. "Thanks for dinner, too. Can I help you clean up?"

He'd done something wrong. He saw it when she looked away. _What just happened?_ "No, that's okay," he answered slowly. "You should probably head home before it gets too dark."

"I guess so." Tomoyo went into the living room and slid her arms into her blazer. She rolled up her tie and stashed it in her backpack. "So, I'll see you at school tomorrow."

He was standing in the kitchen doorway, watching her. "Yeah. And let me know when you want your next lesson." He wished he knew what was wrong.

"Okay. Bye." The door opened and closed before he could say anything else.

Touya still stood there, staring at the door. _I should have asked her. All I did was talk about myself, when something is clearly bothering her. Maybe she'll tell me when she's ready._

He thought about her the rest of the evening, while he washed the dishes and prepared for his classes, while he watched television and got ready for bed. It was a jumble of thoughts, but it all came back to the fact that he was drawn to her. He knew it was wrong, and maybe she was just there at a time when he needed a friend.

But if he only saw her as a friend, then he wouldn't be lying in bed, thinking about her, imagining that he could still smell her perfume.

-----

I'm sorry this went on forever. There's just so much to cover!


	7. Don't Stand So Close To Me

L-chan's notes: It seems to be split on whether this is going too slowly or not, so now, in trying to satisfy everyone, I'm sure I'll end up satisfying no one. (I want to get to the mush just as much as everyone else.) Tons of thanks and hugs to all of you reading this.

Disclaimer: CCS was created by CLAMP.

Shadows

Chapter 7—Don't Stand So Close To Me

"Spill."

Tomoyo looked up from her sewing and saw Meiling's ruby eyes glinting with curiosity. She'd invited her vivacious friend to stay over Saturday night so that the house wouldn't feel so empty while Sonomi was still out of town. Meiling more than made up for her mother's absence, since she had the energy of three people. It probably didn't help that they had been eating nothing but cookies and cupcakes all evening while they watched videos and gossiped.

"What are you talking about?" Tomoyo asked, pulling the thread taut and snipping off the excess.

Meiling rolled those expressive eyes and licked the chocolate frosting off one of the remaining cupcakes. "Well, let's see. Since I've been here, we've talked about Syaoran and Sakura-chan, watched movies so we could drool over Noboru Hirase, and you've put up with my rhapsodizing over Tanaka-kun. It's your turn."

Buttons softly clacked against each other as Tomoyo rummaged through her sewing box. She found what she was looking for and rethreaded her needle. "You want me to rhapsodize over your boyfriend?" she teased.

"Very funny. And it's not like it's official or anything," Meiling replied, blushing a little. Since the dance three weeks ago, she and Hiro had gone out four more times for a grand total of six dates, and, amazingly, she hadn't even looked at another boy. Well, not seriously, anyway. "Hey, did you just change the subject on me?"

The other purple button was secured to the fabric, and Tomoyo made another snip with her scissors. "It's exhausting trying to keep up a conversation with you, do you know that? What was the subject?"

The raven-haired girl sighed and poured a tall glass of milk from the pitcher to wash down the gooey cupcake. "You've been working on that for an hour," she said, nodding toward the blue fabric in Tomoyo's hands. "I think it's pretty obvious."

Tomoyo examined her half-finished work. "It is, isn't it?" she groaned. "Oh, God, what am I, ten?" _I may as well be. "You're a good kid, Daidouji." Argh! I am such an idiot._

"Boy, have you got it bad." Tomoyo's violet eyes blinked back at her. "Come on, Tomoyo-chan, it's all over your face. Just tell me so I can stop pretending that I don't know."

"That you don't know what?" She was stalling.

With another profound sigh, Meiling got up from her comfortable place on the floor and went over to Tomoyo's collection of photo albums. She pulled one out of the stack and flipped through it. "Ring any bells?" she asked, holding up the book, her index finger tapping against Touya's picture. "Now, tell me everything, because I have had a lot of sugar tonight, and if you hold anything back, the consequences will be frightening."

Tomoyo took the album from Meiling and looked at the photograph. It was a good picture, one she'd taken at Sakura's birthday party last year. She carefully slid it out from under the protective plastic sleeve and made a mental note to find a frame for it. "You knew, huh?"

Meiling settled back against the oversized pillow and pulled her knees up to her chest. "I do sit next to you in his class, after all. You should see yourself. Your eyes follow him from the second he walks through the door, you write down every word he says, and when he dismisses class, your face falls like your goldfish just went belly-up. Well, if you had a goldfish, that is. And you study twice as hard for chemistry than any of our other classes because you don't want him to think you're stupid. And you're _not_ stupid, Tomoyo-chan." She finally stopped to take a breath.

"Wow, you really _have_ had a lot of sugar," Tomoyo said softly. Her violet eyes were still focused on the picture.

"Tomoyo-chan..." Meiling sounded irritated and concerned at the same time, in that way that only she could.

That was all it took for Tomoyo to start talking. She'd wanted to confide in Meiling before, but she'd felt so ridiculous, having a childish crush on him. Now it had grown into something more, and she couldn't keep it inside anymore without it hurting. "What am I going to do, Meiling-chan?" she asked sadly. "I really like him, but he just thinks of me as his kid sister's little friend."

"I don't think so." Meiling grabbed the last cream-filled cookie from the plate and twisted it apart, handing half to Tomoyo. She dunked it in her milk glass and bit off the soggy section. "He watches you."

The cookie stopped halfway to Tomoyo's mouth. "What do you mean?"

"Just what I said. Yesterday, during lab, he watched you. Don't tell me you didn't notice." Tomoyo shook her head, her eyes wide with disbelief. "I swear, you two have that whole don't-look-when-the-other's-looking thing down to an art," Meiling muttered before she continued. "When he came to our table, he answered every one of my questions thoroughly. He _never_ does that. And even though he was talking to me, he looked at you the whole time. And today, too, he couldn't keep his eyes off you. If his eyes had been his hands, you would have had to slap him." Thinking about that, she closed her eyes and grinned wickedly. "Mmm, or maybe not. Doesn't he have great hands? And you know what they say about men with big hands."

"They wear big gloves?"

"That too," Meiling joked with a sly wink.

The two girls dissolved into giggles, and for a minute, Tomoyo felt better. But the feeling didn't last long. She leaned her head against her friend's shoulder with a hopeless sigh. "It's all moot anyway, isn't it? Even if there was a one percent chance that he liked me, isn't there some kind of rule against students and teachers... socializing?"

"That's never stopped anyone we know, has it?" Meiling pointed out. "Just don't get caught. Besides, you won't always be a student."

She wanted so much to believe that Meiling was right, that Touya might be interested in her. _But if I get my hopes up, and we're wrong..._ "You know, we're assuming an awful lot here."

"Then we need to find out for sure. You said you're going over there tomorrow afternoon, right?"

Tomoyo nodded and picked up her sewing again. "So, I guess I should finish this, huh?"

"That might be too subtle, not to mention childish. You need to send him a clear signal."

"Like what?"

-----

"Can we take a break?" Tomoyo asked just a few minutes into their lesson.

"Sure, if you want," Touya answered. They hadn't been working for very long, but she did look a little tired. She'd probably been up late last night.

"Good." She stood up from the piano bench and went to sit on his bed. Only instead of simply sitting like she did before, she lay down on the blue comforter, stretching with the lazy, graceful movements of a cat, and he could have sworn he heard her purr. "Come sit with me." She patted the space next to her, giving him her most alluring smile.

It had the desired effect. He swallowed hard. "I don't think—"

"I won't bite." But she looked like maybe she would.

Against his better judgment, he sat down, perching at the very edge of the bed and staring straight ahead at the pale yellow wall. He felt the mattress shift, and then her arms were around his neck from behind, and her soft breath tickled his ear. He stiffened and tried to pull away. "What are you doing?" he asked incredulously, his voice cracking like a twelve-year-old's.

"Don't be afraid," she whispered.

"I'm not afraid," he choked out as her lips brushed against his ear.

"Then why won't you turn around?" She stopped just as quickly as she'd started, and the warm circle of her arms was gone. The mattress creaked again as she moved away slightly and sat back on her knees. "Don't you like me?" she asked pitifully.

Now he turned around and looked at her. Her head was bowed, and her veil of hair hid her eyes. "Of course I do."

In a flash, her arms were back around him. "I knew you did."

Before he knew what was happening, she kissed him. He was too shocked to do anything, even as her kisses became more ardent. She took his arms and put them around her waist, and that's where they stayed, because they wouldn't obey him and let go. He held her tightly as he slowly began returning her kisses. He couldn't help himself. He was getting tangled in the web she was spinning around him. "We can't do this," he said, even as he was kissing her.

Her hands were between them, unbuttoning his shirt. "Yes, we can." She pushed his shirt open and ran her fingers over his hot skin. "You know you want to." He was helpless as she lowered her head and kissed his chest. "Say it," she whispered. "Tell me you want me."

It didn't matter anymore if it was wrong. He pushed her down onto the bed. "I want you," he murmured, kissing her with urgency. She just laughed.

And then a loud buzzing noise came from somewhere.

Touya woke up, momentarily disoriented as the real world came back into focus. The novel he'd been reading had fallen to the floor and was lying next to the sofa. He never fell asleep in the middle of the day like this, but he hadn't been getting enough sleep at night. This was the third time he'd dreamt about Tomoyo, and each time it only got worse, if a dream like that could be called bad in the first place. In this case, it was very, very bad.

_What am I going to do?_ He had to stop thinking about her like this. Yesterday he'd caught himself staring at her in class, and he could only hope that no one had noticed. Especially her. He could accept that he was attracted to her, but whatever he was feeling went beyond mere physical attraction. _How the hell did this happen? God, it's like I'm obsessed. She's just a girl. A sweet, beautiful— _

The doorbell sounded again. "Just a second," he called. He picked up his book and tossed it on the coffee table. With a deep breath, he went to the door and turned the knob.

Tomoyo was surprised by his disheveled appearance. His blue shirt and khaki pants were wrinkled, and his brown hair was sticking up on one side. His glasses were resting low on his nose, slightly crooked. "Is this a bad time?" she asked. "We did say two, right?"

He ran a hand over his hair and tucked his glasses in his shirt pocket. "Yeah, we did. Sorry. Guess I fell asleep." He stood aside and gestured for her to come in.

He couldn't even remember what she looked like in his dream, but he knew it wasn't like this. She was wearing a simple green dress, and her hair hung in two lavender braids over her shoulders, the ends tied with cream-colored ribbons. She just looked, well, really adorable. He groaned silently. _I'm not going to be able to do this anymore. I can't be alone with her. But what the hell do I think is going to happen? _

"Sensei?" she said, pulling him out of his thoughts. She was shifting nervously from one foot to the other. "I really appreciate everything you've been doing for me. Since you won't let me pay you for the piano lessons, I've been trying to think of something else I could do for you. I remembered that you said you sometimes get lonely at night, so I thought..." Her words trailed off, and she looked a little embarrassed. "I thought you might like some company," she finished in a rush.

_Oh, my God. Is she saying... no, she can't be. Is she? Oh, God_. His heart started beating faster, and he opened his mouth, but nothing came out. _Just tell her no, and tell her you can't see her outside of class anymore_. While he was trying to put two words together, she held up a small gift bag. He took it without thinking, still wondering what he was going to say. When he pulled the item of the bag, he just stared at it for a moment, and then he burst out laughing.

Tomoyo didn't know how she expected Touya to react, but she didn't think he'd laugh. She looked at the blue teddy bear in his hands. It didn't look funny to her. She'd worked hard on it. But Meiling had advised against giving it to him. _Maybe she was right_, she thought. _This probably wasn't the best way to convince him that I'm not a kid anymore_.

Touya actually had to wipe away a tear. _I can't believe I thought..._ "I'm sorry," he said, hoping he hadn't hurt her feelings. "I just... never mind. Thanks. This is really sweet of you. It's a cute bear. Did you make it?" He had to keep talking so he wouldn't start laughing again. _I guess this is what lack of sleep does to a person_.

She nodded. "You know, when we were in elementary school, we used to say that a bear's birthday was the day you tied a ribbon around its neck and gave it a name." She didn't tell him what else they used to say about giving someone a handmade teddy bear. _That's just a children's story, anyway. _She pulled the ribbon from one of her braids and handed it to him. "It's a little silly, but you should give it a good name."

His fingers lingered against hers as he took the ribbon from her. He looked at her, then at the bear, touched that she'd done this for him. "I will," he said softly. "Thank you." _I can't stop seeing her. It's my problem, and I'll just have to deal with it. But she can't know how I feel. Hell, _I_ don't even know how I feel._

He tied the ribbon in a neat bow around the bear's neck. "How's that?"

"Very nice."

"I think so." He gave the bow a last tug and nodded in approval, then set the bear on the bookcase for the time being. "Would you like some tea?" He needed to wake up and get his brain working properly. "And I've got some cake, too, if you're hungry."

"That sounds good."

Tomoyo followed him into the small kitchen and sat down while he got everything ready. She didn't think she could flirt with him like Meiling had suggested without looking like a complete fool. But she couldn't think of any other way to find out how he felt about her. He was always friendly with her, but where was the line between being friendly and flirting? _Life was so much easier when I was ten_._ Or even when I was fifteen_.

"Something on your mind?"

She looked up as he set the tea and cake in front of her. "No, not really," she answered. "I just feel bad because you're always feeding me. Next time, I'll bring something." She picked up her fork and took a bite of the moist yellow cake. "Mmm, lemon?"

Touya nodded as he refilled his cup. He needed more caffeine. "It's the same recipe my father uses, but for some reason, mine never turns out quite as good as his." It seemed like the first cup he'd gulped down was starting to kick in, and his thoughts were finally returning to the realm of the appropriate.

"How is he? I can't remember the last time I saw him."

"Really? I thought you went over there all the time."

She poured a little milk into her teacup and stirred it slowly, her eyes down as if the swirl of white blending into the brown liquid was the most fascinating thing she'd ever seen. "Not anymore," she replied softly.

There was that look again. The one that said she'd been hurt. _Why didn't I put it together before?_ "What happened? Did you and Sakura have a fight or something?"

Tomoyo shook her head as she looked up at him. "No, she's just busy, that's all. She has her clubs and her cards and Li-kun, not necessarily in that order," she said with a wry half-smile. She told him how she and Sakura had grown apart recently, and she acknowledged her own fault in not being as good a friend as she could be. "I don't know why it's so hard. Things just changed slowly until we weren't close anymore. It's been a long time since we did anything together, just the two of us. I miss her."

Touya knew about that all too well himself, how two people who were once so close could suddenly become strangers, but he repressed those thoughts before they could fully form in his mind. "You should tell her," he said. "She probably doesn't even realize that things have changed. You know how she is. If you don't tell her how you feel, she won't know." _And then one day, it might be too late._

_Where have I heard _that_ before? _"That's just what I said to Li-kun to start all this in the first place."

"Ah, so you're the one. Now I know who to blame," he teased.

The little half-smile was joined by its other half. "Seemed like a good idea at the time," she joked with a sheepish shrug. Then her smile turned wistful again. "I'm happy for them. I try to be, anyway, and most of the time, I am. They're so perfect together, anyone can see that. But sometimes I feel, I don't know, maybe jealous, which is petty, or maybe..." She sighed. "I just don't know. God, when did life get so complicated?"

"Welcome to adulthood," he said sardonically. "Sucks, doesn't it?"

Her delicate eyebrows arched slightly. _Did he just call me an adult?_ "It's not so bad," she answered, and she gave him her most charming smile, looking straight into his eyes like Meiling had told her to do. Only he didn't seem to get it. _Well, it was worth a shot. I guess I can add flirting to the list of things I'm no good at._

"No, I don't guess so," he said as he cleared away their dishes. He left them in the sink to take care of later. "Ready to get started?"

"Lead the way."

They walked back to his bedroom for her lesson. A fragment of his dream came back to him, and he gave himself a mental shake to banish the image. "Have you been practicing?" he asked as they sat down on the piano bench.

"When I can," she replied. "I've been using the piano in the music room before choir rehearsal."

"Good. Oh, I finally found another book for us to use. That other one was pretty juvenile."

"I thought it was kind of cute. I'm going to miss the happy faces."

He laughed. "Me, too. Okay, show me what you know."

They worked for the next hour, going over things they'd worked on previously and then moving on to new skills she had to learn. He continued to sit by her, since he didn't need to guide her fingers as much anymore, but she still tried to touch him as much as possible, following Meiling's advice, brushing his arm or leg with hers innocently as she played. Sometimes he acted like he didn't notice, and sometimes she felt him flinch. She frowned to herself, wondering if she should just give up before she made a complete fool of herself. _We obviously made something out of nothing, getting caught up in our little schoolgirl fantasy_._ No more sugar binges for either of us._

He wished again that the piano bench was wider. He needed to be further away so that she couldn't touch him, not because he didn't like it, but, because, God, he did. _Does she even know what she's doing to me?_

"How was that?"

He didn't have a clue. He hadn't heard a note for the last several minutes. "Not bad," he improvised. "You're really doing well for someone who's only been learning for a couple of weeks. I'm impressed." He hoped that she _had_ done well, because otherwise she'd wonder if his ears worked properly. Well, it had to be somewhat true. Someone with her musical talent would probably pick this up fairly quickly.

"Thanks," Tomoyo said sweetly. She turned to him with that cute little smile of hers. "Now it's your turn. Play for me?"

Touya nodded, but she didn't get up and go sit on the bed like she did before. _Maybe she just wants to watch while I play. It's a good way to learn._

She loved the look of concentration that came over his handsome face as he got ready to play. It was very serious and determined, and she could see his mind working behind his dark eyes. She knew that whatever piece he chose would be just right, and it would sound beautiful. Hearing him play was like receiving a special gift, a gift just for her.

He tried to think of something that he could play easily from his end, without needing the upper octaves. The song that had been running through his mind for the past couple of days worked its way down to his fingers as they began moving over the keys. It was a mellow, jazzy rhythm, the chords low as he played the tune from memory.

She didn't recognize the song, but she felt like she should, like it was important. "What is that?"

"It's an American song I like," he answered. He'd listened to the disc last night, and the lyrics of this particular song had stayed with him, even though he'd heard it a dozen times. Before, he'd thought the words were nice enough in a vague sort of way, but now they meant something to him. They reminded him of her, and that was precisely why he shouldn't be playing it. And he definitely shouldn't be singing it, softly or otherwise, with its lyrics about a woman who had taken over his dreams, and about how he wanted to sleep just to see her and feel her touch.

The last note hung in the air before it faded, and he turned to her. She met his deep brown eyes, and their gazes locked for what seemed like an eternity. Neither of them moved, or spoke. Then he slowly, so slowly, leaned toward her, and her lips parted in a silent gasp.

He saw his reflection in her violet eyes before they drifted closed. She lifted her face, and those full lips were just inches from his own. He could almost taste them. Her floral perfume and the warmth of her body, so close to his, were overwhelming. Tempting. Waiting for him.

It took every ounce of strength he had to move away from her.

She heard him curse, and when she opened her eyes, he was standing with his back to her. "I think you should go now," he said quietly.

Her heart was beating like a hummingbird's wings. He'd almost kissed her, and she'd wanted him to, wanted it so badly that she couldn't believe it didn't happen. She had to take a deep breath before she could speak. "Is that what you want?" There was a slight waver in her voice.

_Hell, no_. "Yes."

She blew it. She'd practically begged him to kiss her, and she'd thought he wanted to, but she was wrong. He didn't even want her here. _I'm so stupid. Now I've ruined whatever chance I had._ "I'm sorry," she said softly as she started for the door. He still wouldn't look at her. "I didn't mean... I'm sorry." She hoped she wouldn't start crying until she was halfway down the block, or at least halfway down the stairs.

Even after Tomoyo was gone, Touya still stood there, his head down and his fists clenched at his sides. He'd come too close to crossing that line. He'd wanted to kiss her. Hell, he wanted to do more than just kiss her. He wanted to touch her, hold her. Would she have let him? Maybe. But there was also the possibility that she wouldn't, and the consequences could be devastating to their fragile friendship. _Oh, yeah, like things are so much better this way_.

He let out a loud, frustrated groan before going to lock the front door. If he'd been wearing shoes, he would have kicked the door, hard and repeatedly, until he felt better. Maybe he needed a cold shower, or a stiff drink, or to run around the block until his legs cried for mercy. Anything to stop feeling like this. Instead, he just slumped against the door wearily. "Why is this happening?"

From across the room, Tomoyo's bear looked at him as it sat on the bookshelf. He picked it up and studied it as if it held the answer to his problem. "So, what are we going to do?" The bear remained silent. _It was worth a try._ "Yeah, I don't know, either." He idly petted the bear's blue fur, which was made from a soft velvet. It had purple buttons for eyes, and the cream ribbon around its neck was a good complement to the other colors. Tomoyo had obviously spent a lot of time making it for him. The stitching was impeccable. It had to be more than a simple gift. It was a message. He just didn't know what the message was.

_You should give it a good name_, she'd said.

Touya regarded the bear carefully, and as he looked at those big purple button eyes, only one name came to mind.

"Tomoyo."


	8. Siren

L-chan's notes: Many thanks to everyone who has reviewed so far.

Disclaimer: CCS was created by CLAMP.

Shadows

Chapter 8—Siren

It was a long week for both of them.

Tomoyo and Touya avoided each other as much as they could, considering that they had to see each other at school every day. He didn't treat her any differently in class, still calling on her during lectures and answering her questions during the weekly lab assignment, but she could feel the wall that had gone up between them. When he passed her in the halls, he no longer smiled at her like before, but her heart beat faster anyway. She kept her head down, afraid to meet his eyes, afraid of what she might see there.

It was all his fault. He knew that, but he didn't know how to make it right again. She didn't come up to him after class to arrange for her next piano lesson, so every day he went home to his empty apartment, missing the warmth and life she brought to the small, lonely space. He missed their serious talks over tea and their jokes at the piano. Whenever he played, he could almost feel her sitting there next to him, could see her with her eyes closed as she fell under the music's spell. And every time he looked at his Tomoyo-bear, he pictured her in that green dress, smiling shyly as she held her hair ribbon out to him.

It was all her fault. She didn't know what she was thinking. He was a beautiful, intelligent, experienced older man. Why on earth would he be interested in some silly little high school girl? It was that song that had made him look at her, just for that moment, and she'd naively read too much into it. But that didn't stop her from trying to pick out the tune on the piano in the music room before she rehearsed her solo for the upcoming school festival. She tried to remember the English lyrics, but she only heard his voice, softly singing to her.

Meiling watched all of this with a concerned frown on her face. She hated to see her best friend hurting, and their favorite sensei seemed just as miserable. All week she saw them trying not to look at each other, but they were still so very obvious. Probably not obvious to anyone else, because they didn't know to look for it. But Meiling could tell that they were always aware of each other, and any time their eyes did lock, or they had to speak to each other, she could feel the air crackle. If she was one for bad puns, she'd even go so far as to say that there was definite chemistry between them. She knew she wasn't wrong about this. They were just too afraid to do anything about it.

If only there was something _she_ could do.

-----

"I hope the pictures turn out," Tomoyo said to Meiling as they worked behind the music club's takoyaki booth during Saturday's festival. "That was an amazing gymnastics exhibition you guys put on earlier."

"Of course. We're always amazing." Meiling replied with her typical boastfulness. "And I'm sure they'll turn out just fine, as usual. Make sure I get copies, okay?"

Tomoyo nodded. "Sakura-chan asked for some, too. I'm glad I remembered to bring my new camera."

"Who would've thought there'd ever come a day when you'd have to _remember_ to bring your camera?" Meiling teased.

"I've just had other things on my mind lately," Tomoyo answered softly. When she wasn't spending her time on choir rehearsal or homework, she was thinking about Touya. Well, even when she was doing other things, she was always thinking about him. She tried not to, but somehow everything reminded her of him, which only led to her dwelling on how foolishly she'd acted.

"I know." Meiling checked her watch and tapped her foot impatiently. "Where are Iwahara-san and Fukae-san? They were supposed to relieve us five minutes ago." Their fellow choir members Chika and Kiyomi were not known for their reliability. "We're going to miss it," she added under her breath.

"Miss what?" Tomoyo started to ask when two girls rushed up to the booth.

"We're here," Chika said, panting as if she'd run a couple of laps around the schoolyard before showing up. "I had to help Yamura-sensei set things up in the gym."

Kiyomi nodded, also gasping for breath. "And then she had to come find me. I kind of forgot." She put her hands together and bowed her head in apology. "We're sorry we're going to miss your song, Tomoyo-chan, but we have to stay here until the choir performances are over. Everyone else already had other commitments."

Once again, Tomoyo was about to speak, but Meiling cut her off. "Fine, fine. Just hurry and get settled in, because we need to go."

"Got it. Hey, have you seen the science club's booth?" Chika asked.

"I'd just been by there when you found me," Kiyomi replied. "Poor Kinomoto-sensei. Li-kun is really letting him have it." The two girls continued chatting as they disappeared behind the tent flap to replenish the supplies.

Tomoyo tossed a glance at Meiling. "What was that about? Do you know what's going on?"

Her raven-haired friend nodded as she untied her apron. "We're done here, so let's go watch."

"Watch what?"

"You'll see. Come on."

When they arrived at the science club's booth, quite a crowd had gathered to cheer Syaoran on. "Oh, my," Tomoyo breathed.

Meiling knew she shouldn't laugh, but she couldn't help it. "Apparently this was a senior's idea. He managed to convince their faculty advisor that building a dunk tank would help them understand the practical applications of physics." She giggled again. "I think it was just an excuse to take out their aggressions on some of the science teachers."

Tomoyo was wide-eyed as she studied the scene before her. There were several coins on the table in front of Syaoran, who cocked his arm as he prepared to throw the baseball, and Sakura stood next to him with an armful of plush toys. Touya was sitting on the tank's collapsible bench, wearing black swim shorts and a blue t-shirt that read "Property of Seijou High Science Department". He barely had time to push his dripping hair out of his eyes before the ball hit the target squarely, and he fell into the tank. Tomoyo gasped as the students around her roared again.

"Give someone else a chance, Li," a boy shouted, but Syaoran just pushed another coin forward as the booth attendant handed Sakura another stuffed rabbit.

Tomoyo walked over to her friends. "How long has he been doing this?"

Sakura turned around, her honey-colored ponytail swishing behind her. "Oh, Tomoyo-chan! Syaoran-kun hasn't let anyone else play since Onii-chan's turn in the tank started." She nodded toward the bundle of animals in her arms. "Here, take a rabbit, or two. I can't hold many more."

Tomoyo took a couple of the toys from her overburdened friend. "Has Li-kun missed?" Touya was bound to catch a cold if he was spending more time in the water than out of it.

"Only once. He got distracted when I accidentally dropped all his prizes." Sakura's emotions were mixed over whether she should feel sympathy for her brother or root for her boyfriend. She'd done a pretty good job of managing both. "Hey, Tomoyo-chan, are you going to be singing later?"

Tomoyo nodded, flinching but refusing to look toward the tank when she heard the splash. "Some of us are going to be performing our competition pieces, so I'm a little nervous."

"Here, Daidouji." Syaoran handed her another rabbit when he saw that Sakura had more than she could handle.

"Don't worry, Tomoyo-chan. Your singing is always so lovely. And we'll be there supporting you, right, Syaoran-kun?"

"What? Oh, right. Hey, what's going on?" Syaoran pounded his fists on the table. "I'm not done yet!"

"Sorry, Li," the boy running the booth said as the thoroughly drenched Touya climbed out of the tank. "But Sato-sensei is up next, if you want to keep playing."

"No, thanks." Syaoran shoved the remaining coins back in his pocket and moved aside so some of the other students could finally have a turn.

Tomoyo watched as Touya rubbed his damp hair with a towel. She turned to Meiling, who had been a silent but amused observer for the last several minutes. "Will you hold these for me?" she asked, giving Meiling the rabbits and her camera. "I'll be right back."

She went over to the next booth and bought a large cup of hot coffee. When she walked up to Touya, she thought she saw a flicker of surprise in his brown eyes. "I thought you could use this," she said, handing him the cup.

He _was_ surprised, because Tomoyo hadn't voluntarily spoken to him all week. "Thank you," he said, and he took a long gulp of the steaming liquid. He didn't care that it burned his tongue, because it immediately began warming his chilled bones. "You're a lifesaver." She was still so thoughtful, even after that disastrous afternoon. He didn't know how to be around her anymore, so he'd been avoiding her as well. It didn't take long for an uncomfortable silence to settle over them. "So, how are you?" he asked for lack of anything better to say.

She shrugged, wishing this wasn't so awkward. "I'm fine." But she wasn't. Not really. "How are you?"

_Miserable_. "Wet." He went to take another drink of the coffee, but he sneezed. "I swear, if I get pneumonia, I'm going to flunk that gaki."

"You should probably go change into some dry clothes." She always knew just how to state the obvious in situations like this. _Why can't we talk to each other like we used to?_

"Yeah, I've got some inside." He couldn't stand this. _I don't know how to explain what I did, but I have to try_. "Listen, I—"

"Daidouji-san?" Tomoyo managed to keep a very unladylike curse from escaping her lips as she turned around. She didn't hear the even worse one that Touya was unable to suppress. "Yamura-sensei wants to see you in the gym."

_Now I'll never know what he was going to say_. "Thanks, Arato-kun," she said to the sophomore boy, who cowered under her unusually icy stare. He had no idea that he'd just interrupted a potentially important conversation. She faced Touya again with apologetic eyes. "I guess I'll see you later." _I hope_.

"Okay, sure." He watched her go, staring so intently after her that he didn't notice the ruby-eyed girl who had approached him.

"Sensei?" He blinked and wondered how Meiling had just appeared out of nowhere. "We're going to go hear Tomoyo-chan sing. Do you want to come with us?"

She'd mentioned something about that last Sunday, the last time he'd really talked to her. Several choir members were going to be performing as a practice for the upcoming solo competition. She'd been spending extra rehearsal time after school to get the song just right, but she was still a little worried that she wasn't ready to sing it in public. Well, at least she had been last week.

"It would mean a lot to her," Meiling added when Touya didn't say anything.

He didn't think to ask how she knew that. He just knew that he wanted to be there, to show Tomoyo that whatever else may be going on with them, he still cared about her and supported her. His responsibilities for the day were over, and it was only when he sneezed again that he realized he was still in his wet t-shirt and shorts. "I need to change," he finally said. It wasn't really an answer, but Meiling nodded anyway.

"We'll save you a seat." She gave him a knowing smile and what may have been a wink before running to catch up with Sakura and Syaoran on their way to the gym.

Touya finished his coffee as he went inside. He'd left his suit hanging in the faculty break room, and he locked himself in the lavatory to peel off his damp clothes and make himself presentable again. There wasn't much that could be done with his wet hair, so he quickly ran a comb through it and hoped it would behave as it dried. He downed a quick refill of coffee from the always-on pot before heading toward the gym.

The aisle seat next to his sister was empty, and he slid into the chair just as one of the performers was leaving the stage. He cracked a small smile at Sakura's surprised "Hoe?"

"Thanks for holding my seat, kaijuu."

"I am not a kaijuu," she hissed, stomping on his foot. It hurt, but he wouldn't give her the satisfaction of knowing that.

Syaoran leaned around Sakura to scowl at Touya before turning to glare at the girl on his other side. "You mean we were saving that seat for _him_?"

Meiling just shrugged in that nonchalant way of hers. "It's the least we could do after you tried to drown him." Her cousin muttered something inappropriate but didn't protest further.

Backstage, Tomoyo waited nervously, going through some last-minute breathing exercises as she prepared to go on. She heard the audience applaud politely, and then suddenly Yamura-sensei was introducing her. _That was fast_. She took one last deep breath and stepped onto the stage.

There was no musical introduction to her piece, so it was up to her to begin the song when she was ready, which would serve as the pianist's cue. She approached the microphone with the same butterflies that always came out of hibernation right before a performance. Butterflies were good—the excitement gave her that extra something necessary to do her best. When the butterflies stopped coming, then it would be time to worry.

She scanned the room quickly, looking for her friends. Their support was just as important as the butterflies. She saw Meiling, who still had her camera and decided to make good use of it; Syaoran, who gave her a thumbs up; Sakura, who smiled and waved; and Touya, whose expression she couldn't read. But at least he was there. _He remembered_.

She kept her eyes focused on his, using him as her lifeline, as she clasped her hands over her heart and began to sing.

A song about loneliness, about wandering, about needing something. A song about learning, about hope, about finding someone. Her voice started out low, like an intimate whisper, but soared when the song built to the last chorus, putting her own meaning into the song, making it about more than the words someone had written. She believed it, and it was hers. It was hers, and she shared it with everyone so that they could believe it, too.

As far as Touya was concerned, there was no one else in the room at that moment. He was completely captivated by Tomoyo's song, and the rest of the world seemed to disappear. Her voice had matured since the last time he'd heard her sing. It wasn't a little girl's voice anymore. It was a woman's voice—full, rich, and emotional. Passionate. Just like the glow in her violet eyes as she looked at him from the stage. Even when the last note faded, her gaze remained locked with his, and nothing could have made him look away.

"Such a beautiful voice," a woman behind him whispered.

"Like an angel," her friend replied.

_No, _Touya thought, his dark eyes still fixed on Tomoyo as she bowed modestly in appreciation for the audience's applause. _Not like an angel. Like a siren._ She could lead a man to his downfall, and he would go willingly.

Syaoran whistled loudly, and Sakura and Meiling clapped enthusiastically as Tomoyo left the stage. "Wasn't that pretty?" Sakura asked her boyfriend. He nodded, and she turned to the chair on her other side. "Hey, Onii-chan—"

But Touya was gone.

-----

"I need to talk to you."

Tomoyo had remained backstage to watch the other performances, making it easy for Touya to find her. Not that she'd expected him to come looking for her. She was actually surprised that he did. He didn't say anything else, so she just nodded and followed him into the hallway.

The first floor of the school was busy, as students and teachers moved in and out of classrooms. Preparations for the big bonfire and closing festivities were underway, and the hallway bustled with activity. No one gave them a second look as they went upstairs to the science wing, which was deserted by comparison.

The jangling of Touya's keys echoed slightly in the empty hallway as he unlocked the door to the chemistry lab. They stepped into the dark room, but he left the lights off, letting the waning sunlight coming through the windows serve as sufficient illumination instead.

He was the one who wanted to talk, so Tomoyo remained silent, waiting for him to say something. Maybe he should have prepared some sort of speech as they were walking upstairs, but instead he blurted out the first thing that came to mind. "What the hell was that?"

She just looked at him for a second. "I don't know what you mean," she said, confusion in her violet eyes.

"The way you were looking at me just then. What was that?"

He was angry. She only managed to make him angry lately, all because she didn't know how to deal with her feelings for him. "I guess I was just caught up in the emotion of the song," she answered slowly. "I didn't mean anything by it."

"You didn't mean anything by it," he repeated. He laughed as he turned away from her, but it was a harsh sound. He stared out the window, down at the frivolous activities happening in the schoolyard. "No, you never do, do you? You look at me like that, and you don't even know what it does to me. And when you oh-so-innocently touch me, you have no idea that it drives me crazy, because you don't mean anything by it." This was coming out all wrong. He was blaming her for the way she made him feel.

So, he _did_ notice her pathetic attempts to get his attention after all. She didn't know it had bothered him so much. "I'm sorry, sensei," she whispered.

"And stop calling me that," he ordered, still with his back to her. "My name is Touya."

"I know that."

"Well, good." He made a notch in the air with his index finger, marking a point on an invisible scoreboard. "That's one thing."

Tomoyo didn't get upset easily, but he was being unfair. And she had to fight back if she didn't want to start crying in front of him. "What is wrong with you?"

Now he faced her, his brown eyes narrowed. "What's wrong is that you've been pushing me, whether you mean to or not, and if you don't stop, then I'm going to... going to..."

"Going to what?" she challenged with a haughty toss of her long hair. She called his bluff, if only to hide her fear of what he might do.

With three quick strides, he was standing right in front of her. "This."

He kissed her.

From the moment his lips touched hers, he felt his anger drain away. His frustration, his confusion were just distant memories. All he could think about was how her lips were softer than rose petals and sweeter than plum wine, just as he knew they would be.

She'd never been kissed before. And she didn't even know how, not really. All she could do was let him kiss her and try to make sense of these amazing feelings that were making her warm all over.

His arms found their way around her waist, and he held her and kissed her like he'd wanted to for so long. But had it only been a month since she first came to his apartment, only a week since he'd almost given in to the temptation to show her how he felt? He still didn't know exactly what it was that he felt, but he knew it was something he had to explore. He couldn't fight it, and he didn't want to. He gently tugged at her lips with his, wishing she would respond somehow and let him know that she felt it, too.

Her arms stayed at her sides. She wanted so desperately to touch him, but she was afraid that if she did, she'd wake up from this dream. She was surprised that she hadn't woken up already—she usually did at this point. But he was still holding her and kissing her, and it never felt this good before, because in her dreams all she could do was imagine what it would be like. She didn't even realize that she was crying until she tasted the saltiness on her lips.

He raised his head and saw the silent tears sliding down her cheeks. "Oh, God," he whispered. "I'm sorry." He tried to wipe away her tears with his thumbs, but they just kept falling. "Oh, God. Don't cry." He tucked a stray lock of lavender hair behind her ear. "Don't cry, Tomoyo."

She couldn't remember him ever using her name before, and she loved the way he said it. She was trembling as she tentatively reached up and placed her hands on his shoulders. He didn't disappear. It wasn't a dream. Her arms wound around his neck, and she lifted her face, knowing that this time, she wouldn't be rejected. "Then don't stop," she answered shakily. "Touya." She didn't mean to be so familiar, but reverting to formalities now would sound ridiculous.

He didn't realize just how much he'd wanted her to call him by his name until he heard it. "God, Tomoyo."

He went to kiss her again, and she met his warm, firm lips with hers. She let him show her how to kiss him. When he nibbled at her lips, she nibbled at his. When he opened his mouth, she did the same. And when his tongue softly rubbed against hers, she held onto him tightly as instinct took over.

It had to be wrong. It felt too damn good. But then, why did holding her in his arms feel so right? He still wasn't ready to call this anything, but it didn't matter now. All that mattered was that whatever it was, she felt it, too.

They were pulled out of time, and nothing existed but them and this moment. As long as they didn't stop, they'd never have to worry about what was happening between them. There would be no consequences, no problems, no decisions.

But it couldn't last forever. The kiss finally ended, and they stood there in the dark classroom, still holding each other, because as soon as they let go, they were going to have to go out and face the world again.

"I meant it," she whispered against his shoulder. "I meant it every time."

"So did I." He rested his cheek against her silky hair and closed his eyes, breathing in that perfume that had haunted him in his dreams. He could hear the evening activities starting up outside, and he knew they had to go, or else they might be missed. They still needed to talk, but that would have to wait. "Will you come over tomorrow?"

She pulled back and looked up into his coffee-brown eyes. He really did have beautiful eyes. "Is that what you want?"

Her violet eyes shimmered with leftover tears and just a hint of laughter. He saw her lips twitching a bit, and he had to smile back at her.

"Yes."


	9. Hypothetically Speaking

L-chan's notes: So, yay, we finally had a big moment at the end of the last chapter, and a big moment for the story, too. We've gone over 100 reviews now, which to me is just incredible, and I want to give you all big thanks, hugs, and delicious pudding snacks. Oh, and a new chapter, too!

Disclaimer: See Chapter 1.

Shadows

Chapter 9—Hypothetically Speaking

"Hey, 'nii-chan!"

"Plushie!" Touya raised his hand to receive Kero's yellow paw in a quick high-five. He was the only one who could get away with calling the proud sun guardian by such an undignified name. "How's it going, man?"

Kero crossed his little plush arms and shook his head sadly. "I finally finished 'Mega Mauler' last night, and now I don't know what I'm going to do." He sniffed through his funny little stuffed animal's nose. "My life no longer has meaning."

Touya clucked sympathetically before holding up the brown shopping bag in his hand. "Maybe this will make you feel better."

The guardian beast, false form, peeked inside the bag and let out a whoop of joy. "It's 'Mega Mauler II!' You're the best, 'nii-chan!" He spun around dizzily, and his tail wagged even more frenetically than when he was presented with a bounty of Fujitaka's homemade sweets.

_If only everyone were so easily pleased_, Touya thought as he chuckled at Kero's excitement. "Why don't you go up to Sakura's room and check it out?"

The new video game was forgotten momentarily as Kero's curiosity was piqued. He knew a bribe when he saw one. His big yellow ears twitched, a sign that he was on the alert. "Trying to get rid of me? What's going on?"

"Nothing. I just need to talk to 'tou-san. Is he home?" _He should be on a Sunday afternoon_. And if Sakura was out with the gaki, then this would be the best time for Touya to get his father's advice on a very tricky matter.

Kero nodded. "In his study." He hovered in the air next to Touya and leaned in close, a very serious look on his round face. Well, as serious as a stuffed animal could look, anyway. "What is it?" he whispered conspiratorially. "Come on, 'nii-chan, you can tell me."

"Did you see what else was in the bag?" Touya pulled the game box out to reveal the treats tucked at the bottom of the sack.

The tail went crazy again, and the ball of fluff at the end of it just looked like a long white blur streaking through the air. "Pudding!" Touya barely had time to put the game back in the bag before Kero grabbed the sack in his paws and took off, zigzagging toward the stairs. "Well, it's been good to see ya. Don't be a stranger, okay?"

Touya chuckled again as he continued down the hall to his father's study. He knocked on the door and poked his head inside. "Hard at work?" he asked. He went to peer over the older man's shoulder and shook his head in dismay when he saw what was on the computer screen. "Put the red eight on the black nine."

Unfortunately, Fujitaka hadn't been able to exit out of his solitaire game quickly enough. "So, you caught me. I was just taking a break."

"Uh-huh."

"Honestly. If I had to read one more term paper on the Mesopotamian valley, I was going to crack."

"This is a fine example you're setting for me," Touya chastised, crossing his arms and feigning a look of disappointment. "And you call yourself an educator."

"Oh, barely three months on the job, and you know it all," his father joked back. "Come back in twenty-five years, and then we can talk." He stretched as he stood up from his desk. "Well, the stupid game keeps beating me, so I hope you've come to provide a more worthy distraction."

"You have no idea," Touya muttered as he followed his father into the kitchen. He opened the refrigerator and pulled out a beer. "Want one?"

"Why not?" They sat down at the table and drank in silence for a few moments. "So, what's wrong?"

His father always was the most perceptive person he knew. "Nothing's wrong. Why should anything be wrong?" An auburn brow arched skeptically at this. Touya sighed and idly swirled the amber liquid in his bottle. "It's not so much that anything's wrong. I've just found myself in a complicated situation, and you are in the unique position of being qualified to give me a little guidance."

Fujitaka's brown eyes blinked behind his glasses before he nodded slowly. "All right. I'm sufficiently intrigued. What is it?" Then he made the mistake of taking a drink as Touya answered.

"How do you date one of your students?"

By some miracle, he managed to swallow without choking, but his eyes did well up as the liquid struggled to go down the correct pipe. "You don't."

"Hypothetically speaking, then."

"Hypothetically speaking, you don't."

_Well, what did I expect him to say?_ "No, I don't guess so," Touya agreed, raking his hand through his brown hair. "I just thought… well, you and 'kaa-san…." He didn't know what he was trying to say. "I mean, you did it, so... it's not impossible, right?"

Touya's sense of humor could be very dry at times, but there was nothing in his tone or his demeanor to suggest that he was joking. "You're serious."

"As a heart attack."

Suddenly beer didn't seem strong enough for this conversation. Fujitaka looked at the framed photograph displayed on the table and silently asked his wife to help him say the right thing. "You know how your mother and I met," he began.

Touya looked at the picture, too, as he nodded. "Bird... tree... angel. I believe I've heard the story once or twice."

"Don't be smart," his father reprimanded, as if Touya were ten instead of twenty-three. "But, yes, that's the short version." He closed his eyes as he remembered that day, which surely couldn't have been that long ago, because it was still so vivid in his mind. "She's always been an angel, whether on earth or in heaven, and I've loved her from the moment she literally fell into my life. That's why, as soon as I was able to summon the courage, I asked her to marry me."

As interesting and touching as that was, it wasn't an answer. Touya's brown eyes glanced back and forth between his mother's picture and his father, trying to assimilate the story with his problem. "So, what you're saying is...?"

"We never dated."

"I see." Touya sighed again. That didn't help him. He wasn't sure if he was in love with Tomoyo, but he definitely knew he wasn't ready to get married, to her or anyone else. "Then what am I supposed to do?" he asked despondently. "I can't just forget about her."

"And if I said you had to?" Not that he had any right to say that, and he knew it. At the time, nothing anyone said could have made him forget about Nadeshiko, even if she was his student, and, therefore, ostensibly beyond his reach.

The younger man shook his head, strands of dark hair falling in his eyes. "I can't," he whispered. Maybe if he hadn't kissed her, or held her.... _No. I'd still have to find a way to be with her_.

"You could lose your job."

"I know."

Fujitaka remembered everything he'd put Nadeshiko through so that they could be together, but she'd never regretted any of it. She didn't believe in regrets. She believed in happiness, and they were happy, no matter how much she'd had to sacrifice for that happiness. If his son was willing to risk everything he'd spent the past few years working so hard for, then this girl must be very special. "She means that much to you?"

Touya pushed his hair out of his eyes as he contemplated the question. The fact that he was even considering this spoke volumes about his feelings for Tomoyo. "I think she could," he answered quietly. "That's what I need to find out."

Every time Touya lost someone that he loved, he'd crawled a little deeper inside himself. When Nadeshiko died, when Kaho moved to England, when Yukito... well, when whatever happened there happened. Everyone he loved always left, and soon there could come a day when Touya would finally shut himself off from any chance of loving someone and being loved in return. If he'd found someone whom he was willing to open his heart to, someone who could make him happy, then wasn't that the most important thing, more important than propriety or a job? He couldn't just let that pass him by, no matter what the cost.

So there was only one piece of advice Fujitaka could offer his son. "Then be careful."

-----

There was a strange thumping sound at his door, and if Touya hadn't been expecting company, he probably wouldn't have answered. His neighbor's dog had a tendency to scratch at everyone's doors, looking for table scraps, and lately it had gotten out of hand, once the neighbor realized it was cheaper to let his pet beg for leftovers than to go out and actually buy dog food. But this was too loud to be a dog.

When Touya opened the door, Tomoyo's big violet eyes peered at him over a large grocery sack. Her arms were wrapped around the overloaded bag, supporting its weight. "I couldn't reach the bell," she apologized with a little smile.

He took the bag from her, and she shook her arms, trying to get some of the feeling back. "Hungry?" he teased, poking through the sack. There was enough food to feed four people.

"I thought I'd make you dinner," she answered, closing the door behind her as he carried the groceries into the kitchen. She stepped out of her shoes and checked to make sure she hadn't scuffed the toe when she'd kicked the door. "You know, to pay you back for everything."

He stopped putting the food in the refrigerator and turned around to face her. "I never asked you to do that."

"I know. It's just something I want to do." And she'd used the groceries as a distraction, because she didn't know what to say after what happened yesterday. She fought back the blush brought on from simply remembering it. "I thought it might be fun," she added with a little shrug. _Like a date_.

He thought of something else that might be fun, but he didn't want to come on too strong and scare her. "You're sweet. Thanks." Then she smiled at him again, and he had to stop himself from pulling her into his arms and tasting that smile. There were still some things that they needed to sort out first. He busied himself with the contents of the bag.

Tomoyo remained in the doorway as Touya finished putting everything away. _Why does he always have to look so good? _she wondered, not that she wasn't enjoying the view. He was wearing a forest green sweater with his favorite faded jeans, and his brown hair was in its usual disobedient state. He looked, in a word, perfect. "So, do I get a lesson today?" _I may as well pretend that's why I'm here_.

"If you want," he answered. He folded up the empty shopping bag and stashed it in the cupboard. "But I think we should talk."

They were going to have to talk about it, weren't they? "Okay."

"Okay." He didn't move. "Do you want something to drink?"

"Sure, thanks."

Touya took two cans of iced tea from the fridge, and he was about to hand her one, but he stopped. She looked so pretty standing there in her red flowered blouse and denim skirt. Her long hair was loose, spilling down her back like a lavender waterfall. He wasn't going to be able to talk to her until he got this distraction out of the way. _Just one little kiss first_.

Tomoyo watched as he set the cans on the counter. Then he moved close to her, and she looked up at him, holding her breath and standing very still. She'd seen that look in his dark eyes twice before—once when he'd almost kissed her, and then when he did. When he slowly lowered his head, she went up on her toes, meeting him halfway.

He kissed her gently at first, not desperately like yesterday, taking time to learn the shape of her lips, and she responded in turn. His fingers slid through the silk of her hair before he folded her in his arms, and hers were trapped between them with her hands splayed over his chest. God, she felt good. She was soft, and warm, and his heart raced as she moved her hands to his shoulders and opened her mouth to him.

She decided that she liked kissing, but only with him. There was no way anyone else could do it like he did. And he was holding her, which only made it better. He was so tall and strong, and she felt so safe with him. Her senses were overwhelmed by him—the feel of his broad shoulders beneath her hands, the taste of his lips and his tongue, his clean scent of soap and sunshine, and the husky sound of his voice when he murmured her name.

For one little kiss, it was incredibly arousing, and he reluctantly broke away from her. _What was that about not coming on too strong?_ "Sorry," he said, giving her a sideways glance, and one corner of his mouth lifted in a sheepish smile. "I just really wanted to do that."

"I'm glad," she replied softly.

Touya knew he couldn't stall much longer. They took their drinks and went to the sofa, sitting close together but not actually touching. He'd been distracted enough as it was. _Where do I start?_ He felt like a nervous ten-year-old trying to talk to the cutest girl in school. Which, as far as he was concerned, Tomoyo was. But this was ridiculous. Why should talking about their relationship be harder than, well, being in it, whatever it was? He looked down at the empty can in his hands before raising his eyes to hers. "I can't date you," he finally said.

"Oh." She was confused. _Is he saying he can't, or he doesn't want to? If he doesn't want to, then what is all this about?_

"We can't... be seen together. Outside of school, that is. It wouldn't look right, you know? And besides, there are rules." Was he even close to explaining this right? He felt like he was just rambling. "So, we have to figure out how this is going to work."

"Oh," she said again.

"Because I want to see you."

Now she understood, and her heart quickened as a slow smile curved her lips. "I want that, too."

He didn't seem to realize that she'd spoken. His brown eyes were fixed on something behind her, but he wasn't really seeing anything as he thought out loud. "I know it's not fair for me to say that, since I can't take you out. But since you're already coming here for your piano lessons, at least we have a legitimate reason to see each other outside of class. I guess we could just do something together here. Maybe we could get pizza and watch videos sometimes. But that might get old after a while. And meanwhile, all of your friends will be going out and having fun, and you'll be missing out. You'll probably want someone who can take you to parties and concerts, but you'll be stuck here with me. I can't really ask you to do that, can I? So, maybe this wouldn't work out after all." He was still rambling. And he didn't know why he was trying to discourage her. _I just don't want her to regret choosing me over a more exciting social life. I wasn't interested in those things when I was her age, but that doesn't mean she won't be._

She shook her head emphatically. "I don't care if we can't go out. I just want to be with you."

He finally heard her. "Really?" He brought his gaze back to hers again. "So, I'm not crazy, right? There _is_ something here."

"No, you're not crazy."

"Because this past week, I hated not being able to talk to you. I'd gotten used to you being around."

She tilted her head and gave him a hurt look. "Is that all it is? You'd gotten used to me?"

"Well, yeah. I'd gotten used to your bad jokes and your even worse piano playing," he replied with an almost-straight face. _And your laugh. And your perfume._

"And I'd gotten used to your awful tea," she retorted. _And your smile. And your warmth._

Touya winced and put a hand over his heart. "Ooh, that hurt."

"Serves you right. If my piano playing is bad, then whose fault is that?" Tomoyo teased.

"Ouch. On second thought, maybe it was better when we weren't talking." This resulted in the stomping of his foot, but he laughed, which made her giggle, too. "Yeah, I definitely missed this," he said softly, once again serious.

"Me, too." Tomoyo was more than glad to put the past week behind them. Now they could move forward, even if that meant their dates could only consist of staying in with pizza and videos. But there had to be someplace else they could go.... "I have an idea," she said suddenly. She got that wicked sparkle in her violet eyes, and he knew her mind was plotting something. "Maybe we can go out after all. I'll have to get Meiling-chan to help us, but I think it might work."

Touya shook his head. "We can't tell anyone. We have to be... discreet." That was the word his father had used. Discreet.

"It's okay. She already knows."

"She does?" Now that he thought about it, it made sense. He remembered the look Meiling gave him at the festival yesterday, and the way she knew that he needed to hear Tomoyo sing. As long as Meiling could be trusted not to tell, which he thought she could be, it might be a good idea to have one person know, someone who could look out for them in public situations.

Tomoyo nodded. "One night, under the truth-inducing influence of an insane amount of sugar, I told her that... I like you."

He knew she did, of course. It was obvious by her actions. And, hell, it was the whole reason they were having this conversation in the first place. But what they'd been feeling had until now gone unsaid. He didn't know that actually hearing her say it out loud would affect him like it did. Once again, he was that unsure ten-year-old, whose heart now swelled upon learning that the cute girl he'd been mooning over liked him, too. _Who would have ever thought that I'd feel this way about little Tomoyo?_ He couldn't stop the huge grin that spread over his face. "You like me, huh?" he teased.

She felt a little embarrassed, for no good reason, and she knew her emotions were clearly spelled out by the heated blush in her cheeks. If she could just come back with a good joke.... But she couldn't. Her mind was only focused on one thing. She knew that she didn't just like him; she was probably falling in love with him. She didn't say anything, but simply looked at him, her feelings shining in her eyes. She watched as his teasing grin disappeared, and he returned her intense gaze for a brief moment before slowly leaning toward her.

"I like you, too," he whispered as his lips found hers.

It would be several long minutes before she remembered her promise to make him dinner.

-----

This is sort of a transitional chapter, so I'm not crazy about it, but there were issues that needed to be brought up. We'll be getting into some fluff for a while now, so look forward to it! As always, thanks for reading, gang!


	10. Not Dating

L-chan's notes: I still can't believe how this story has caught on. Thanks so much, everybody, for giving my favorite non-canon couple a chance. I really appreciate all the great reviews.

Disclaimer: See Chapter 1.

Shadows

Chapter 10—Not Dating

"Are we still on for tonight?"

"Yes. We're all meeting at seven-thirty, and it starts at eight, so...."

"So, sometime between seven-thirty and eight."

"Not too early, though. Not too late, either."

"And you don't think it will seem suspicious?"

"No. Why, do you think it seems suspicious?"

"I don't know. Maybe. Maybe we shouldn't do this."

"But I've been looking forward to it all week."

"I know. So have I. But it might be too risky."

"You can't back out now. It's all planned."

"God, you'd think we were involved in some top-secret plot to take over the world. It's just a movie."

"Exactly. It's just a movie."

"You're right. I'm sorry. I want to go. Really."

"So, we're going?"

"Yes, we're going."

"Because we don't have to."

"I want to."

"Good. Oh, no, can you hold on a second?"

"What's wrong?"

"My mother's home. I have to go."

"Tomoyo?"

"Hmm?"

"Never mind. I'll see you later, okay?"

"Touya?"

"What?"

"Nothing. See you later."

Tomoyo stared at the receiver for a moment before hanging up the phone. _I wonder what he was going to say_. Before she could think too much about it, her mother knocked again, and she went to answer her bedroom door. "Sorry, Okaa-sama. I was on the phone."

Sonomi nodded. "I came to tell you that dinner is ready."

Tomoyo followed her mother downstairs to the dining room and sat down at her place at one end of the table. The housekeeper set their plates in front of them, and Tomoyo tried not to eat too quickly, since dinner was being served later than usual. "How was your day, Okaa-sama?" she asked, just barely remembering to chew before she swallowed. She'd never been this excited about going to see a movie before. She didn't even know what movie it was. But that didn't really matter.

Sonomi also attacked her plate, but it seemed as if she were picturing someone's face as she made sharp slices with her knife. "Don't remind me. I just found out that I may have to go back to Los Angeles. Incompetent fools," she muttered.

"When?" Tomoyo was used to her mother's frequent trips, but she knew how much Sonomi hated traveling, especially overseas.

"Next month. I was hoping to take some time off finally and spend part of your summer break with you."

The past was littered with such broken promises. "It's okay. There's always winter vacation."

After effectively mutilating her chicken, Sonomi set her knife down and looked across the table at her daughter. "It's not okay," she said. "That's why I think you should come with me."

"To Los Angeles?"

"We could be stereotypical tourists, wandering around with our over-accessorized cameras and taking pictures of everything. Wouldn't that be fun? We could even go to Disneyland and Hollywood. You said you wanted to see the American movie studios."

That was when she was eleven, when making videos was her favorite pastime. She'd grown up a lot since then. But that was beside the point. She simply did not want to go. Not now. "But remember the last time I went with you on one of your business trips? You were in meetings all day long. Any place I wanted to go, I had to go alone. I saw you even less than I normally do." This was her first argument. If it didn't work, she had others.

"It'll be different this time. We could turn this into a nice vacation."

_I've heard that before_. Tomoyo mentally went to the next point on her list. "I was going to do some studying this summer. The entrance exams are getting closer every day. You're always telling me how difficult the exams are and that I don't study enough." _Okay, so that's a weak excuse_. She was making it sound like she was planning on studying the entire time, but maybe her mother would be impressed by that.

It appeared to be working. Sonomi lightly tapped her spoon against the rim of her coffee cup as she thought. "You're right. But, you know, you could bring some books along."

She didn't want to hurt her mother's feelings. Any other time, she would have loved to go on a trip like this. But not now, not while she and Touya were trying to figure out how to be together. She didn't want to be away from him for a whole month. _Maybe the truth would be best. Or as close to the truth as I can get, anyway_. "Okaa-sama," she began quietly, "it sounds wonderful, really. But I'd just rather stay home this summer and be with my friends."

Sonomi's disappointment didn't show, but Tomoyo knew it was there. "I understand," she said calmly, using her unemotional business tone. "Maybe next time."

Her mother had sounded so excited about her idea. They really didn't get the chance to spend much time together lately. "Can we do something tomorrow?" Tomoyo asked. "We can go to lunch and go shopping and get our hair done and everything. A real girls' day out. Can we?"

Sonomi's violet eyes sparkled once again. The two were so alike in that way. "I'll clear my schedule, and we'll spend the whole afternoon together. How would that be?"

"That'd be perfect." Tomoyo stood up from the table, leaving her dinner only half-finished. "May I be excused now? I'm meeting Meiling-chan and the others at the park soon. The Tomoeda Classic Film Series starts tonight, and we want to get a good spot."

"I know. We're one of the sponsors. Is Sakura-chan going?"

"Yes, and Li-kun and Tanaka-kun, too." It made her sound like a fifth wheel, but if things worked out the way they'd planned, she wouldn't be. And it was all true, so she wasn't technically lying to her mother or breaking her no-dating rule.

"You'll be home by eleven?"

"Yes, Okaa-sama."

"Have a good time."

-----

"What time is it?"

Meiling checked her watch and gave Tomoyo an indulgent grin. "It's seven-forty-one. Quit being so anxious."

"I can't help it." The two girls were sitting on the large picnic blanket Meiling had brought, saving their spot on the grass while the others went to get sodas and snacks. "We're going to get caught."

"No, you aren't." Meiling's ruby eyes darted quickly to the right before meeting Tomoyo's again. "Shhh, they're coming back now."

_We're never going to pull this off_, Tomoyo thought as Syaoran handed her one of the cups. She smiled politely in thanks, but her heart was pounding. She'd finally convinced Touya that their plan would work, but now she was having serious doubts of her own. _He's right. It's going to look suspicious. Why did I think this was a good idea?_

She sat quietly while everyone else talked about the calculus test they'd suffered through earlier, and she tried not to be too obvious as she looked around the park. The sun had gone down, and the lights that had been set up didn't provide enough illumination to see well. The crowd for the eight o'clock movie continued to grow, but she was just looking for one person. _Please get here soon_.

"Didn't you think so, Tomoyo-chan?"

She looked at Sakura and hoped that the test was still the topic of conversation. "Yes, it was really tough."

"I'm sure you did fine," Syaoran said as he put an arm around the honey-haired girl next to him. "After all, you studied with me, and you had that stuff down cold last night."

"I hope you're right," Sakura replied, leaning against him. "Because I can't remember a thing now."

"Can we please talk about anything but school?" Hiro asked jokingly. "It's bad enough that we have to go there every day. I don't even want to think about school until Monday."

Tomoyo and Meiling exchanged glances at this, but no one noticed. Then Meiling's eyes shifted to the right again and widened briefly. She gave Tomoyo an otherwise imperceptible nod and started to raise her arm to get someone's attention, but Sakura beat her to it.

"Onii-chan?"

"Well, good evening, everyone," Touya said casually as he stopped near the group. "Nice night for a movie, isn't it?" He sounded just like any other teacher running into some of his students outside of school, or even like any older brother meeting his sister and her friends. Why shouldn't he be at a public event like this? It was perfectly legitimate and coincidental, or so it was supposed to seem.

Tomoyo could barely hear the others reply over the frenzied beating of her heart. She didn't dare look at Touya. _They're going to know. Why did we think we could get away with this?_

"Are you here alone, sensei?" Meiling asked, doing her best to hide her amusement. She knew her friend was panicking.

"Looks that way," he answered with a slight grin.

Now Tomoyo shot him a look, but he ignored it. Was he laughing at her? He didn't think this would work, but now that he was going along with it, he was giving the best acting performance she'd ever seen. And she knew he couldn't act his way out of a wet paper bag. She had the videotapes to prove it.

"So, anyway, don't let us keep you," Syaoran was saying, protectively inching closer to Sakura. Or maybe he was looking for her to protect him.

"Why don't you sit with us, sensei?" The glares Meiling received from her cousin and his girlfriend could have burned a hole right through her.

"Thanks. That is, if no one minds." He saw that Sakura was about to protest. "Oh, don't worry, kaijuu. I'm not going to spoil your date. I'll sit way down here by Daidouji, okay? You won't even know I'm here."

"Yeah, right. And I am not a kaijuu," she muttered.

Touya settled himself on the edge of the blanket next to Tomoyo. He kept an appropriate distance between them as he shrugged out of his jacket. "It's a little warm tonight," he said, placing the jacket in the space between them, and when she turned to him with a confused expression, he just smiled innocently.

He'd made it in the nick of time. The event's organizer approached the microphone to thank everyone for coming and to rattle off the names of the film series' sponsors before the movie started. It was probably all very interesting, but Touya didn't hear a word. All of his senses were acutely attuned to the girl sitting beside him. _We got away with it. I don't believe it_.

But as nice as it was to be out together for a change, he still wished they had stayed in. At least at his place, they could curl up comfortably on the sofa while they watched television. Here they had to maintain a level of indifference, even as he could feel her warmth next to him and smell her floral perfume. Other couples would have their arms around each other and snuggle close in the dark as the movie flickered on the makeshift screen, but they had to pretend that they didn't care. It was almost as bad as being alone.

Tomoyo was unsuccessfully trying to concentrate on the movie when she felt something brush against her arm. She jumped a little before realizing that it was Touya's jacket. Why was it moving? She turned to look at him, but his eyes were focused on the screen. Then she felt the jacket move with a little more determination as his hand groped for something, finally closing around her arm. He pulled it under the jacket with his and linked their fingers. She did her best not to give anything away by looking at him, but she couldn't hide the smile that played at her lips as he held her hand out of everyone's sight.

If someone had asked them later what the movie was about, they wouldn't have been able to answer. She was only aware of his thumb slowly brushing back and forth across her knuckles, and he was otherwise occupied with the somewhat inappropriate scenes being created within his mind.

If they could just get away for a few minutes of privacy.... "Let's go get some ice cream," Touya whispered to her, squeezing her hand.

Tomoyo got the message. She nodded and leaned toward Meiling. "We're going to get some ice cream. Do you want any?"

Meiling looked at her friend, and then at Touya, who had forgotten to let go of Tomoyo's hand as he stood up. Those knowing ruby eyes fixed on their linked fingers, and he dropped it immediately. _So much for being discreet_. "Ice cream," Meiling repeated skeptically, a sly grin on her pretty face. "As much as I'd love a little... _ice cream_... I don't think he should be the one to give it to me, do you?"

Tomoyo knew Meiling was implying something, and when she figured it out, her cheeks burned. "Meiling-chan, that's not what—"

"Sure it isn't," Meiling whispered. "But you'd better be back soon. And get some... _ice cream_... for everybody, or your cover will be blown."

They had almost made it to the ice cream cart when Touya pulled her aside. "Come here for a second."

"What are you doing?" Tomoyo whispered loudly. "Someone will see."

"No, they won't. It's too dark. Besides, they're all watching the movie." Now that he'd gotten involved in this little secret scheme of hers, it might be fun to see what else they could get away with. There was something exciting about doing things you weren't supposed to. And the tree they'd ducked behind was large enough to hide them from anyone who might pass by. "Kiss me."

"What? You're crazy."

"I know." _I must be_. He pulled her closer. "Just a quick kiss. Please? I'll buy you some ice cream."

He was teasing her, and she couldn't resist that cute little-boy smile he gave her. She stood up on her toes to give him a light peck on the cheek, but he wouldn't be satisfied with that. His arms wound around her back as he pressed his lips to hers, firmly and insistently, until she gave in. "It better be darn good ice cream," she whispered, opening her mouth to kiss him properly.

He enjoyed it way more than he should in such a public setting, and he reluctantly stopped it before it went too much further. He leaned back against the tree and held her to close him, twining his fingers through her lavender ponytail. "I'm glad I listened to you. I needed a night out like this."

"Want to try it again next week?" She tried not to get too comfortable, because they only had a couple of minutes before they had to go back. But it felt so good just to be in his arms.

"We'll see. We haven't quite made it through tonight yet." He was still twirling her hair around his fingers. "Leave your hair down tomorrow. I like it down better."

_He actually thinks about things like that?_ She felt a warm glow spread through her, but it was quickly dampened when another thought occurred to her. "I can't come over tomorrow. I'm spending the day with my mother."

"Sunday, then?"

"Sunday," she agreed. "For our next lesson. And I'll try to stay for dinner, too, if you want me to."

"Of course I want you to." Touya wished she hadn't brought up her mother. He hated lying to everyone. Especially Sonomi, especially after she'd trusted him to look after Tomoyo for her. _I'll_ _bet this wasn't what she meant_, he thought wryly. But they really didn't have much choice. _We'll have to tell her eventually, when the time is right. For now, we have to be careful_. "We should go back now," he said, finally letting go of her. He didn't want to think about all that right now. "We're missing the movie."

"Okay. But you promised me some ice cream, and I told Meiling-chan we'd get some for everybody."

"Then I hope you've got some money, because I am not paying for that ga—Li." He hadn't slipped in a while, and his tongue had almost healed.

"What if I asked nicely?" she teased. She went up on her toes to kiss him again. "Please?" she whispered, softly nibbling at his lips. "Please?"

"That's not fair, Tomoyo."

"Please?"

"You can't just—oh, God. Fine. But for future reference, this won't—I said fine. You can stop—" _Oh, well. It wasn't that good a movie, anyway_.

-----

More transitional stuff. I'm sorry about my plans to get Sonomi out of the picture for a while. That's a cop-out, isn't it?


	11. Forever, For Now

L-chan's notes: I'm not quite sure what to call this chapter—either angsty fluff or fluffy angst. I still don't know how it ended up going where it did. But anyway, thanks bunches to all of you for reading this far.

Disclaimer: See Chapter 1.

Shadows

Chapter 11—Forever, For Now

"What the hell?"

Touya glanced up from his lecture notes to see Tomoyo scowling at her textbook. He wondered if he'd only imagined her sweet voice speaking such coarse words. "I'm sorry... did you just swear?" he asked with a tinge of amusement.

"I guess I did. Maybe I've been spending too much time with you." Tomoyo turned her chemistry book around and showed him the perplexing page. "I'm just not getting this. Will you help me?"

"We covered that in class today. Where are your notes?"

"In my bag." She made no move to get up from the sofa. "Are we having a quiz on this? Because if we aren't, I'm not going to bother."

"You know I can't tell you that. It wouldn't be fair."

"Well, then what's the point of dating the teacher?" she grumbled, shutting her book with a frustrated sigh.

He tried not to laugh as he set his papers on the coffee table. "Come over here, and I'll show you." She crossed her arms petulantly and remained on her side of the sofa. "Oh, come on, Tomoyo. You're not seriously mad."

No, she wasn't, but she was determined to keep her pout up as long as she could. He wasn't buying it, if the subtle arch of his dark eyebrows was any indication. It wouldn't be any fun to give in, though. There had to be a way to make _him_ crack first. "If I kiss you, will you tell me if we're having a quiz tomorrow?" she asked with only the slightest trace of teasing in her voice.

The space between them on the sofa immediately disappeared as Touya took her chin in his hand and tilted her head back. "Let's find out." She opened her mouth, probably to say that she was just teasing him, but her words were lost as he kissed her hard.

Tomoyo was so shocked by the suddenness of his kiss that she couldn't move. He was getting back at her for her little joke, and doing a darn good job of it, too. But slowly, his lips softened, and she found herself eagerly responding to those gentler caresses. His fingers brushed over her cheek before sliding into her hair, and she knew that she had lost this round. Heat spread over her skin as the kiss went on, and she was more than a little disappointed when he finally pulled away.

He studied her for a moment as if he were seriously considering something, and then he grinned at her. "Nope. I'm still not going to tell you."

She would have laughed if it weren't for the crazy beating of her heart. So far, their study-date had been more "study" than "date," and it was time for that to change. Maybe he didn't mean to start anything, but she'd tasted the headiness of pent-up passion in his kiss, and she wanted more.

She was just staring at him. He hadn't meant to kiss her like that, which was why he slowed down when he felt her stiffen. He knew it was too much, but he tended to forget how limited her experience was. He tended to forget a lot of things when he was with her. _What is she thinking? We were just kidding around, right? Should I—_

He lost his train of thought when she leaned forward and kissed him, gripping his shoulders as she pressed her lips against his urgently. Telling himself that it was just a simple kiss, he wrapped his arms around her and let her get even with him by taking whatever she wanted.

It was rather spontaneous of her to kiss him like that. She almost never kissed him first, instead waiting for him, but now she'd begun to have more confidence and courage, which was evident as she slid her fingers through his thick hair and kissed him with her innocent ardor.

_Just a kiss.__ A simple kiss._ But somewhere deep inside, he knew it was more complicated than that. He didn't want to acknowledge that over the past couple of weeks, his feelings had been slowly getting beyond his control. Every time he kissed her, he wanted to kiss her again. Every time he held her, it was harder to let go. He'd never felt such an overwhelming need to touch someone constantly before. It was as if he was trying to reassure himself that she was there, that she was real. And not only that. He simply liked touching her. A lot.

When he was with her, he didn't want to think about anything else. They'd been having so much fun together lately, and he'd been trying just to live in the moment, but he'd never been very good at that. The initial excitement and newness of it all had been overtaken by the reality of what he was doing by getting any more involved with her. Sometimes things would creep into his mind, telling him that this couldn't last, but then she would laugh or tease him, and everything would seem all right again. But it was worse when he was alone, because then his fears and doubts could plague him without distraction. They started swarming in his mind now, and he forcefully pushed them aside. He held her tighter as he turned their kiss into something more, a desperate need to forget his doubts. But he couldn't. He couldn't forget. So he tried harder.

It had never been like this before. The kisses they'd shared had always been lovely and sweet, but this was different. It just went deeper and deeper, like he was trying to convince himself of something, searching her mouth for the answer. She could feel her heart pounding like it was about to burst, and the exhilaration flowed through her veins. If there was more than this, she didn't know if she'd be able to handle it, but she wanted to find out.

And then she felt his hands slide around from behind her back and come to rest on her shoulders. No, they were on her neck, then on the collar of her school blouse. She always took off her constricting tie after school, so nothing was in his way as his fingers deftly unfastened the top button. And then the next one. He held open that small V of virginal white cotton and put his lips to her neck, to the hollow of her throat, and she instinctively tilted her head back for him.

The dampness created by his mouth made her perfume stronger, somehow, and he focused all of his concentration on the soft floral scent. Just that. That, and the silky texture of her pale skin.

She felt hot, so hot, all over, and she whimpered like a newborn kitten as his fingers moved down to the next button.

But that small sound cut through his haze like a knife. He practically leapt off the sofa and strode a few quick paces around the room. He swore under his breath, twice, raking a hand through his hair as he turned away from her.

Her cheeks were flushed as she rebuttoned her blouse, but not out of embarrassment. She'd loved the feel of his mouth against her skin, and she knew she should have been ashamed of her behavior, but she was only sorry that he'd stopped. "What's wrong?" she asked, and she hardly recognized the breathy sound of her own voice.

He groaned silently, frustrated with himself more than anything else, but he still didn't look at her. _What the hell was I doing? As if things aren't complicated enough already._ "I'm sorry. I didn't mean for that to happen."

That wasn't what was bothering him. Well, maybe it was, but it wasn't the main thing. She saw it in his eyes before he turned away. "I'm not talking about that. What's wrong, Touya?"

He pulled out his desk chair and sat down, crossing his legs uncomfortably. He ran a hand over his eyes and shook his head. "I don't know if I can do this," he answered quietly.

"Do what, exactly?" But she had a feeling she knew what he meant. It wasn't about kissing her. It was about everything that was happening between them.

How was he supposed to explain? It had seemed like everything was fine, but lately he'd just become more confused. He'd tried ignoring these doubts, but after what just happened, he had to face them. "I can't be in another doomed relationship." His words were even quieter this time, and she had to strain to hear them. "We're not supposed to be together. It's not right. We need to stop this now, before I hurt you." And before he did something really stupid, like falling in love with her.

But it _was_ right. She could feel it. "Why are you saying this now? I thought we were going to try. And it was working."

"I thought we could make it work. I wanted to." He met her gaze now, because she deserved that much. "But it's like a pattern with me. I get involved with people I shouldn't, and it never works. I should know that by now."

He was wrong, and if she could understand why he was thinking this way, then she'd be able to make him see it. "Do you want to tell me about it?" she asked softly.

He didn't want to, but he knew he had to. He shoved a hand through his hair again and prepared to tell her a vague, abbreviated version of the past, because it was the only way she was going to understand why he couldn't do this again. "At least Kaho had an incredible opportunity in front of her, even if she had to go halfway around the world for it. What was I supposed to say to that? But, with Yuki, well... that was just a bad idea from the beginning, wasn't it?"

She listened to him talk, and maybe she should have felt jealousy, hearing about the people he once cared about. But she didn't. She had to be philosophical about it. Those experiences were what made him who he was. And if he was concerned or confused about what was going on between them, or more accurately, where it was headed, then it had to mean that his feelings for her had changed, maybe even grown stronger. He surely wouldn't bring this up unless it was important to _their_ relationship.

He'd done so much for her, and she wondered if he even knew that. Just a few short months ago, when school started, she'd been troubled by the changes in her life, the way her friends had drifted away from her, and the way her mother was trying to plan her future. She'd felt so alone. And, somehow, seeing him again after so many months had given her something to look forward to. She didn't know how they'd ended up talking at first, but it had been a huge help to her when she needed someone. It wasn't that her problems had magically disappeared, but more like she felt that someone was on her side. She was so grateful for his friendship during that time, and now she was genuinely happy again. And her immature feelings for him slowly became something more.

She knew that there was an amazing physical attraction between them, and sometimes it scared her a little, thinking about where that could lead. But she loved it when he kissed her or touched her, even if it was something as simple as putting his arm around her when they watched videos, because it was an extension of how he felt about her. And the way they could talk or joke or play simple piano duets together, all of it just made her fall a little more. She felt connected to him, a feeling she'd never had with anyone else, and she wasn't willing to let that go yet. _Besides, if it wasn't right, then we wouldn't be here. For now, it's the right place for both of us to be_.

That was it. That's what she had to make him understand. "But, even considering all of that, you still were supposed to be with them, weren't you?" she said when he was finished.

"What do you mean?"

"I mean, you don't believe in coincidences." He'd written it in that book several times, and once even double-underlined it for emphasis. Had he forgotten?

"No, I don't," he affirmed slowly. "So?"

"So, if there are no coincidences, then, for whatever reason, you were supposed to be with them at that time. And now, for whatever reason, you're supposed to be with me."

"But both times before, it ended badly. I don't want to go through that again, and I don't want to put you through that, either."

Tomoyo found the flaw in his argument and jumped on it. "How do you know? How do you know that it will happen again?"

That was the thing. He didn't know. He just had a feeling. But that was because of the past. When he focused on the present, everything was fine. It was when he thought about the past that his fears surfaced. He needed to learn how to leave the past behind.

Could she help him do that? Was that why they were together?

_There are no coincidences_.

She walked over to his chair and knelt down beside him, resting her head against his thigh. "I'm not ready to give up yet. We're together for a reason. Can't we just take this one day at a time and see what happens?"

Touya didn't answer, but his hand was absently stroking her hair. He wanted to believe her. He just didn't know if he was brave enough. He didn't know if his heart would be able to take it again.

"I want you to be happy," she whispered. "That's all that matters. But, if being with me doesn't make you happy, then—"

"It does," he interrupted her quietly. "I swear."

"Then I think it's worth it."

She was right, wasn't she? Maybe it was meant to be, and maybe it wasn't. But just because you knew that you were eventually going to die, did you go jump off a cliff and get it over with? No. You lived and enjoyed every day you were given until your time came. That's what he had to do now. Even if it had to end one day, he was going to make the most of the time he had with her. He would be happy for now and worry about the future later. There was nothing he could do about it, anyway.

And one day, he would discover why fate had brought them together.

And maybe he would even learn to stop coming up with such dreadful analogies.

"Come here," he said softly. When she stood up, he pulled her down onto his lap and wrapped his arms around her, resting his cheek against her hair. "How did you get to be so wise? Are you really only sixteen?"

"I'll be seventeen in a few weeks," she informed him with all the seriousness of a six-year-old declaring that she was actually six-and-a-half. She hated reminding him of the disparity in their ages.

"Oh, well, that explains it." He let the soft fragrance of her perfume calm him, and he let her twine her fingers through his. "Please don't pay any attention to me. I don't know what I'm talking about half the time."

"It's always good to hear a teacher say that." She heard him chuckle, and it warmed her heart. She knew he didn't like to talk about these things, but it was better than keeping them all bottled up inside. She could feel the tension leave his body as he held her. "So, we're okay?"

"Yeah, we're okay."

"Good." She settled against him, and they sat together in a comfortable silence. But she couldn't help worrying that he would start dwelling on those things again if it stayed quiet for too long. "You know what?" she said suddenly. "I think you need to have a little fun. Come with me." She took his hand and led him back to his bedroom.

But before he could protest the inappropriateness of what she was suggesting, not that he was completely against it—in theory, that is—she let him go and moved on to open his closet. "What are your plans for Saturday?" she asked, studying the closet's contents with a careful eye, even though she didn't yet know what she was looking for.

He had no idea what she was getting at, but he'd play along, for now. "I have a lot of work to do. Since the term ends next week, I have to finish getting the exam ready and start on my paperwork to turn in to the administration office. You have no idea how much paperwork teachers do. It's insane."

"Can you do all that on Sunday?"

"I suppose I could. But I thought we'd spend Sunday afternoon together, as usual."

She shook her head as she stood on her tiptoes to see what was on the closet shelf. Apparently she was looking for something specific, although he didn't know what. "I can't. I have another study-date."

His dark eyes narrowed. "With who?"

She giggled at the unrestrained jealousy in his voice. She turned around slowly and made an exaggerated show of looking around for unwanted eavesdroppers. Then she cupped her hand against her mouth and loudly whispered, "With your sister."

He rolled his eyes, but he couldn't hold back a smile. "You think you're so funny, don't you?"

"I try." Tomoyo continued her search, making a sound of triumph as she grabbed something from the back of the shelf. "Do you have any sunglasses?"

"Somewhere, I guess."

"Good. Wear them Saturday, with this."

Touya involuntarily reached out to catch the item she tossed his way. "A baseball cap," he said skeptically. He cocked an amused eyebrow at her. "Should I wear anything else?"

"I'll leave that up to you." She went to him and slid her arms around his waist. "How would you like to spend Saturday afternoon in the city?"

"In the city."

"Yes."

"With you?"

"No, with your other girlfriend."

_Girlfriend_. That wasn't a word they had used before, and he decided he rather liked the sound of it. "We can't. What if someone from school sees us together?"

"Ah, but you see, that's where the hats and sunglasses come in."

"Hats and sunglasses. This is your plan?"

Actually, it wasn't so much a plan as it was an impulsive attempt to take his mind off the serious discussion they'd had. But now that she'd come up with it, she thought it was a pretty good idea. If they were going to try to take their relationship one day at a time and just enjoy being together, then a little fun was definitely in order. And she knew they wouldn't be able to keep up the pretense of coincidentally bumping into each other for very long, especially now that the park's movie series had ended. So, yes, this was her plan. "Why? What's wrong with it?"

"Nothing, if we were five and everyone else was blind."

"You're so paranoid. No one will even notice us. Do you know how many people are in the city on any given day?"

"Ten?" he joked.

"At least. So, what do you say?" She looked up at him, and he seemed to be thinking it over. "We can pretend that we're famous actors, poorly disguised in our hats and sunglasses, hoping that our adoring public will leave us in peace."

He chuckled as he pressed a kiss to her forehead. He knew he couldn't refuse her anything. And it did sound like fun. "Okay."

"Really?"

"But if no one asks for our autographs, I will be incredibly disappointed."

-----

As planned, they both arrived at the train station at eleven o'clock Saturday morning. Just to be on the safe side, they made sure that no one they knew was onboard before greeting each other. When he complained about how ridiculous he felt, she asked him where his sense of adventure was, giving him a teasing look over the rims of her sunglasses. So he showed her where it was, kissing her right in front of a dozen strangers as the train rolled on toward the city.

They had no agenda other than to enjoy the day, and they held hands as they walked down the street, looking in shop windows and pointing out interesting things to each other. They browsed through the music store, where he bought her one of his favorite albums, and through the book store, where she insisted on getting him a copy of a novel that she'd loved.

After a leisurely lunch, they bought ice cream bars and strolled through the park while they ate them, making up funny stories about the people who passed by, especially the anxious and confused tourists, who all seemed to be in such a hurry to see everything. One family stopped them so the father could politely, if brokenly, ask if they would take a picture for them. This, of course, gave her an idea as she whipped her own camera out of her bag and repeated his request with her most charming smile. They took their caps and glasses off long enough for the man to help them memorialize their lovely afternoon on film.

There were so many activities to choose from, from the zoo to the shrines to the museums, but they all seemed rather unimportant next to the fact that they simply wanted to spend time together. They found a comfortable spot near the pond and watched young couples attempt to maneuver rowboats across the water, sometimes with amusingly disastrous results. That was all it took for them to change their minds about doing the same. It was more fun to watch, anyway.

They spent their last couple of hours wandering through the art museum, deciding which paintings they would want to buy and which ones should be destroyed forever. They listened in on part of a tour and learned about an artist they'd never heard of, who was now one of their favorites simply based on his eccentric lifestyle. They went into the gift shop and bought colorful postcards featuring the images of their favorite works, which they figured was as close as they'd ever get to owning the priceless masterpieces.

Before heading back to the train station, they sought out a private corner where they could say good night to each other, just in case there were people around when they got back home. He gently tugged her sunglasses off so he could look into her eyes, and so she pulled his off, too. They embraced for several long minutes, drawing out this last bit of time together.

It was early enough in the evening that the train car on the return trip was nearly empty, and their hands were linked as they silently stood by the windows, watching the city fade into the distance. They let go and moved apart as the train pulled into the station, and they exited the car and went their separate ways without another word.

But even as he turned around to watch her go, he didn't yet realize that he was indeed in the process of doing something really stupid.

-----

Thanks, as always, for reading, and for sticking with me through these tricky middle chapters.


	12. Slipping

L-chan's notes: I'm sorry for the delay in updating. I've been suffering from a lack of inspiration lately. But, anyway... I hope you enjoy the new chapter.

Disclaimer: See Chapter 1.

Shadows

Chapter 12—Slipping

It was quiet except for the sound of pencils scratching against paper as Tomoyo and Sakura worked on their English translation assignment. They'd been silently thumbing through their dictionaries and frowning at their notebooks for the past hour, only speaking when they needed to exchange texts or found themselves stuck on a particular phrase. They were paired up for the end-of-term project, so when they each finished translating their passages from Japanese to English, they would trade papers and compare their work.

Tomoyo finished and set her notebook down, a little unsure of some of her choices but overall satisfied with her work. She looked over at Sakura, who was sitting at her desk with her head down and her eyes closed, either taking a temporary break or admitting defeat. Since her textbook was closed, she must have finished, too. "This is nice, isn't it?"

One of Sakura's green eyes opened to regard her friend. "Yeah, homework is the greatest," she mumbled.

Tomoyo giggled at Sakura's sarcastic tone, so out of character for the eternally cheerful girl. "No, I mean... it's just been a long time since we did this."

Sakura stifled a yawn as she stretched in her chair. "Homework?"

That was just one part of it. But there was so much more to it than that. And it was hard to explain. _Maybe she really doesn't know._ "We just never do anything together anymore."

"Sure we do. Didn't we all go to Tanaka-kun's baseball game last week?"

_She doesn't get it._ "Sakura-chan...."

Sakura distractedly ran a hand through her honey-colored hair, a restless gesture she shared with her brother, Tomoyo noticed. Then she pushed her chair back and crouched down on the floor next to the other girl. "I know," she said quietly. "I'm sorry." One corner of her mouth lifted in a sad little half-smile, again just as Tomoyo had seen Touya's do. She'd never realized that the two were so alike. "I was trying to pretend everything was the same as it's always been."

_She _does _know. She's felt it, too_. "But it isn't," Tomoyo added softly. "We're not ten years old anymore."

"How can that be?" Sakura asked with a weary laugh. "You know, I sometimes _feel_ like we're still ten. I don't want to grow up." She leaned back against her bed and sighed. "No, that's not it. I just don't want things to change."

"I know." It really did seem like only yesterday when they'd all been in elementary school together, wishing they were older. Now that they were, they almost wanted to go back. _Almost_. "I've really missed you," Tomoyo said quietly. "How did we let this happen?"

"I don't know," Sakura answered, shrugging helplessly. "But we can't let it happen anymore. You've always been my dearest friend, Tomoyo-chan, and even if it doesn't seem like it sometimes, I still need you."

"Me, too." They'd needed to have this talk for a long time, and they took turns blaming themselves for letting other things, less important things, come between them.

"Maybe... maybe next weekend, you could stay over," Sakura suddenly suggested, and as the words came out, her tone shifted from the quiet musing of simply saying an idea out loud to the cheerfulness of being excited about it. "We never get a chance to talk anymore, and I think we have a lot to talk about."

Tomoyo nodded, a grateful smile coming to her lips. She hadn't made such an overture herself, thinking that Sakura would be too busy with Syaoran to accept. She hadn't wanted to risk the rejection, even though it wouldn't mean anything personal. They just had different interests these days, but that shouldn't change their friendship. "I'd really like that," she replied. "It'll be fun."

"And besides," Sakura continued, her smile matching Tomoyo's, "I know that Otou-san and Kero-chan have missed seeing you around here, too. Just look at the warm welcome they gave you when you arrived."

"Well, part of that may be due to the strawberry cake I brought with me."

"Well, yeah," Sakura agreed, her smile now turning into a teasing grin. "I mean, what other reason could they have?"

Tomoyo pretended to look hurt, but then she started giggling, which caused Sakura to break into laughter, too. _This is how it used to be. Just because we've changed doesn't mean we can't be friends anymore. We just have to work harder at it and make time for each other. If we can do that, we'll be just fine_.

When their laughter faded, the girls looked at each other for a brief moment before embracing in a warm hug. It said everything that they hadn't been able to find the words for over the past few months, and also those things that they didn't need to say.

"Am I interrupting anything?" The two girls broke apart and saw Meiling standing in Sakura's bedroom doorway with a curious grin on her face. "I thought this was a study group, not a love fest."

Sakura raised an inquiring eyebrow at Tomoyo, who nodded her assent. In a flash, they both jumped up and pulled Meiling into a three-way hug, sandwiching her between them.

Meiling indulged them for a minute before disentangling herself. "Hey, I love you guys and everything, but this would be more fun with a couple of boys." She rolled her ruby eyes in amusement at their shocked expressions. "Oh, please. You were both thinking the same thing," she teased. She let her heavy backpack slide off her shoulder, and she tossed it on the floor with an exaggerated sigh. "So, who's up for a little history?"

After working on the English assignment, Tomoyo and Sakura were more than ready to switch gears and focus on something else for a while. They all settled down on the floor again to prepare for Wednesday's history exam. Together they had decided to keep this a girls-only study session, because boyfriends tended to be distracting. Besides, Sakura had mentioned in an aside to Meiling that it had to make Tomoyo uncomfortable when they always flaunted their boyfriends in front of her. Meiling had just smiled mysteriously and told Sakura not to worry about that.

"Now, before I can even start looking at the review sheet, I need to know what reward awaits me for making it through the term," Meiling joked. "Any ideas?"

"The summer street festival starts next weekend," Sakura supplied offhandedly as she flipped through her notes. "We could all go to that together on Sunday."

"That's what I like to hear. And maybe you could even invite your brother to come with us," Meiling added slyly, ignoring Tomoyo's subtle head-shake. They'd been pushing their luck lately, and as much as Tomoyo may have liked the idea, she wasn't sure it was practical.

Sakura glanced up from her notebook, her green eyes narrowed suspiciously. "Why?"

Meiling replied with a casual shrug. "Seems like a nice thing to do."

"You know, Meiling-chan," Sakura began, "it seems like you're always wanting him to hang out with us. Do you have a crush on him or something?"

Poor Tomoyo suffered a sudden coughing fit, but Meiling didn't pay any attention. "Well, who doesn't?" the raven-haired girl answered with a mischievous sparkle in her eyes. "I don't expect you to see it, but he's absolutely gorgeous, a near-perfect specimen of the male gender. Lots of girls at school think so."

"Really?" Sakura made a face as if the thought of her friends crushing on her mean old onii-chan was somewhere between ridiculous and nauseating. No, she definitely could not understand the appeal. "Do you think so, too, Tomoyo-chan?" she asked unsuspectingly.

_Oh, God, yes_, Tomoyo thought, somewhat incensed that other girls might be daydreaming about _her_ boyfriend. She felt a sudden wave of possessiveness and idly imagined hanging a sign around his neck that read _Hands Off_. "He's okay, I guess, if you like that type." She somehow managed to keep her tone flat and her expression neutral. As her feelings for him had become stronger, she'd had more difficulty hiding them from others whenever his name came up. She wished she could tell Sakura the truth, but Touya was right. _For now, we still have to be discreet. Maybe someday soon I can tell her, but not just yet._

"Tall, dark, and handsome? What's not to like?" Meiling gushed, trying so hard not to laugh at Tomoyo's dismissive answer.

Sakura shuddered, desperately wishing for a change of subject. It was a little creepy to think of her brother as... well, as a _guy_. "If you say so."

"Well, anyway, it was just a suggestion." Meiling caught Tomoyo's eye and added, "Since I saw him downstairs and all." She grinned when the other girl's violet eyes widened slightly.

_What's he doing here?_ Tomoyo wondered irrationally, as if he weren't allowed to visit his own family. _He said he had too much work to do today_. "I'm going to get some water," she said suddenly. "Anyone else want anything?" Her flimsy excuse to go downstairs might have been more believable if she had stayed in the room long to enough to find out if either of the other girls did, in fact, want anything. But in the back of her mind she knew that Meiling would cover for her.

She calmly walked down the stairs with her typical poise, but her heart was racing a mile a minute. Even though she'd spent yesterday afternoon with him, even though they'd talked on the phone afterward, she was amazed at how much she'd still missed him in the meantime. It was like her day wasn't complete unless she'd been with him, or heard his voice, or felt his gentle touch. _Meiling-chan was right. I_ do _have it bad_, she thought as her heart kept speeding right along. She'd fallen hard, all right. But she loved feeling this way, and she wouldn't trade it for anything.

When she reached the kitchen, she found Touya and Fujitaka sitting at the table, talking over a couple of slices of her strawberry cake. She tried to hold back the huge smile that threatened to spread across her lovely face as she made her way to the refrigerator. "I don't mean to interrupt," she said politely, hoping the excited shakiness in her voice wasn't too obvious. "I just wanted to get some water."

Touya tried to act like he was surprised to see her but also maintain a casual air of indifference. That was a difficult combination to pull off, but it was the only way he could keep his true feelings hidden. Unfortunately, he failed on both counts, because he knew she would be here, and because he was happy to get to see her. It was why he'd dropped by the house under the pretext of wanting to borrow a book from his father. "Nice to see you, Daidouji," he said, and he couldn't quite keep that mocking inflection out of his voice. He couldn't keep the warmth out of it, either. That was another difficult combination to pull off, but this time he succeeded.

"Nice to see you, too, sensei," Tomoyo replied, not looking at him as she pulled a water bottle out of the refrigerator. She felt herself starting to smile anyway. As difficult as it was to keep their secret, sometimes it could be fun, too. Almost like a game.

"How's the studying going?" Fujitaka asked as he sipped his tea, oblivious to the lingering glance that now passed between the two young people.

"It's going well," Tomoyo answered, absently fiddling with the bottle's cap. "But I think it's going to be a long afternoon."

"Well, when you girls finish your work, you're welcome to stay for dinner."

"Thank you. That's really nice." Tomoyo raised inquisitive eyebrows in Touya's direction, silently asking if he'd be staying, too, but he shook his head.

He noticed the slight change in her expression, registering her disappointment, and he flashed her a quick grin, so quick that anyone else would have missed it. Then he arched his eyebrows back at her, wordlessly asking if she had anything to tell him. He knew she didn't just come downstairs for water. She'd had a more important reason.

"If it's all right," Tomoyo said now, recognizing her chance, "Sakura-chan has invited me to stay over next weekend so that we can go to the street fair together on Sunday." She directed the first part of this sentence to Fujitaka, but her violet eyes subtly shifted back over to Touya during the last part. She hoped he'd caught her meaning.

He did.

"Of course it's all right," Fujitaka answered, and he got the strange feeling that he was missing something. It was like this entire conversation was in code. "That is, if you girls do well on your exams this week," he warned gently with the voice of parental authority.

Tomoyo laughed. "Then I guess I should get back to studying." She excused herself and turned to head back upstairs, humming a merry tune under her breath.

Touya's brown eyes involuntarily followed Tomoyo as she left the kitchen and remained focused on the doorway after she was gone. _I wonder what time she'll be getting home. I still have so much work to do, but maybe I'll get a chance to call her later. I should get going, so I can—_

"Oh, my God," Fujitaka breathed in sudden realization.

Touya mentally cursed himself for being so obvious and brought guilty eyes back to his incredulous father. "What?" he asked innocently, knowing perfectly well what the older man had noticed.

"It's Tomoyo-san?" Fujitaka asked, his voice still pitched to a disbelieving whisper. "She's the student you're seeing?"

There was no point in denying it now. Touya nodded slowly.

"You've got to be kidding." This whole thing still had to be an elaborate joke. It _had_ to be. But Touya just sat there stoically. "If you're kidding, it isn't very funny."

"No, it isn't."

The older man saw that his son was completely serious. He tried to digest this information, but it only added a whole new degree of difficulty to Touya's problem. "Well, you can forget what I said about losing your job, because I don't think you'll have to worry about that."

"Oh?" Touya should have intuited his father's reasoning, because it was something he'd known at the back of his mind all the while. But he still asked, "Why not?"

"Because Sonomi-san will kill you."

_Will she? Yeah, probably_. He remembered for the thousandth time what Sonomi had said to him, how adamant she was that Tomoyo be kept away from pests. And he'd turned out to be the largest pest of all. "At least I've got a month to get my affairs in order," he joked.

"What do you mean?"

"She's overseas until the end of August," Touya explained. "So I've got until then to figure out what I'm going to tell her."

Now Fujitaka didn't know what to think. Did his son really have some sort of death wish, or was this his dry humor covering up his anxiety about the situation? "You're going to tell her?"

"I have to, don't I?" They could keep it from everyone else—they _had_ to—but he just didn't feel right keeping it from Sonomi. She'd trusted him.

"Yes, I suppose you do," his father agreed. "I know I've already asked you this, but you really need to consider it again before you go confessing to her mother. Is she worth it?"

Touya didn't have to consider it. There was no doubt in his mind. "She is."

Fujitaka nodded, impressed with his son's conviction. "Then can I have your stereo?"

Touya laughed. "Yeah, sure." He pushed his empty cake plate away and folded his arms on the table. "It won't be that bad, will it? I mean, you're still here. You survived dealing with Sonomi-san."

"Just barely," his father answered with a wry smile. "So, here's hoping lightning strikes twice." That analogy didn't sound quite right. "Or... not. You know what I mean. And maybe this time it won't take her twenty years to come around." It was supposed to be a joke, but he remembered how strained the relationship between Nadeshiko and her favorite cousin became after he married her, and how Nadeshiko had died before peace could be made between the families. But he knew that she wouldn't want him dwelling on the past like that, and he tried to focus on happier things as his brown eyes drifted toward the displayed photograph on the table. It was of his beloved bride in her modeling days, barely seventeen and glowing from within as she bestowed her angelic smile upon the camera. "You know, Tomoyo-san looks so much like your mother did at that age," he mused fondly.

Touya studied the familiar picture. "I used to think so, too, but I don't see it anymore." He only saw Tomoyo as the beautiful young woman she was now, not as the little girl she used to be, and not as a shadow of anyone else.

"Maybe you're right."

Touya wanted to talk more about this, because it was a relief to finally confide in someone, but he really did have to get home and finish his exam preparation. As he got up to leave, promising to come to dinner on Wednesday night, he asked, "Can you do me a favor?"

"Of course."

Touya paused just briefly as one corner of his mouth lifted in a sly smile. "Make Sakura invite me to the fair on Sunday."

-----

The group of teenagers had only just arrived at the street festival when Touya joined them. Sakura reluctantly admitted to Syaoran that she'd invited him, although she wasn't sure why both Meiling and her father had been so insistent. Her father did imply that the two siblings didn't spend much time together since Touya had moved out, and Sakura had bitten her tongue to keep from complaining that she had to see him at school every day, and she didn't want to have to see him every day of her summer break, too. Deep down, she loved him, but he was easier to take in small doses.

After a quick discussion, which called for some good-humored mediation from Hiro when Meiling and Sakura argued over who was hungrier, they all decided it would be best to find something to eat, and soon.

Touya and Tomoyo fell back behind the others, and he let her walk just a half-pace in front of him, keeping the distance comfortable yet appropriate. But then she suddenly stopped and turned around, and he almost tripped over his own feet as he tried to keep from knocking her down.

She didn't know how many moments alone they'd get today, so she was going to take advantage of all of them. She tossed a quick glance over her shoulder to make sure no one was watching. Then she brought her eyes back to his and gave him a secret little smile. "I'm glad you came," she said softly.

"Me, too," he answered, matching her hushed tone. "You look beautiful." He was used to seeing her in skirts or dresses, but today she was wearing simple khaki shorts and a plain white t-shirt, her lavender hair twisted in a loose braid down her back. She could be wearing a plastic garbage bag, and she'd still look lovely.

She smiled again and whispered, "So do you." He managed to make a casual blue button-down shirt and jeans look incredibly sexy. His eternally disheveled hair and warm brown eyes weren't so bad, either.

They shared one last private look, speaking without words, and then they fell right back into place behind the others, their brief pause unnoticed as Sakura and Meiling continued their friendly arguing, now over what they should have for lunch.

It was a wonderful afternoon, perfect in terms of the mild weather and the bright sunshine, and the group of six wound its way around the booths, trying the games and sampling treats, watching the musical performances of the elementary school students, and stopping to chat when they ran into anyone they knew. Many Seijou students had had the same idea and were celebrating their first real day of the summer break by coming to the festival.

It was after saying goodbye to Chiharu and Takashi when Sakura realized that two people were missing from their group. "Where did Onii-chan and Tomoyo-chan go?" she wondered. "They were over there just a second ago."

"I think they wanted some... ice cream," Meiling answered, her ruby eyes sparkling with knowledge. "They should be back in a minute." Well, she wasn't sure exactly where they'd wandered off to, but they'd gotten amazingly adept at finding ways to unobtrusively separate themselves from the group. Although, she had to wonder how they'd managed in this crowd, and in broad daylight. And, how unobtrusive were they really, if even Sakura had noticed them missing? They were slipping a bit.

"Well, at least Onii-chan's been leaving us alone," Sakura said, squeezing Syaoran's hand. "He's barely said anything to you all day. I'll have to thank Tomoyo-chan for being nice to him. I feel bad for her, though, getting stuck with him all the time." It didn't really seem fair that Tomoyo was always the odd one out when the friends went anywhere, and so when Touya came along, she probably felt that she had to be polite and make him feel welcome and included. They were the odd ones out together, if that made any sense. "Maybe," Sakura mused, the wheels turning in her mind almost visible through the windows of her green eyes, "maybe we should help Tomoyo-chan find a boyfriend. And, maybe," she continued, talking to herself more than to Syaoran, "maybe a girlfriend for Onii-chan, too. You know, I'm not sure if he'd still—"

"I don't think that's a good idea," Syaoran mentioned now, and she blinked at him as if she'd just realized that she'd in fact been saying all of that aloud.

She knew she shouldn't meddle, but she was just concerned about them. "I just want them to be happy, like us," she said, giving him a tender smile.

But that wasn't what Syaoran meant.

Syaoran didn't make a habit of noticing what Touya did unless he was right in his face about something—usually along the lines of getting the hell away from his little sister—but he did think it was odd that Touya had been so open to spending his free time with a bunch of teenagers like this. Not just open—_willing_. And as for Tomoyo being nice to him, well, Tomoyo was always nice to everyone. But with Touya, it was different. The difference was subtle, but it was still there.

He tried to put his finger on it, but the only explanation he'd come up with was so absurd that he kept it to himself. He'd noticed the two of them talking together, sharing jokes, and generally acting friendly toward one another. There wasn't necessarily anything strange about that, on the surface. But then other times, he'd notice a look pass between them, and it would last a beat longer than it should. And it did seem like the two of them would often disappear without telling anyone, but they usually—conveniently—came back with sodas or ice cream. It was possible that he was simply imagining all of this, so he didn't share his observations with Sakura. He'd look like a complete idiot for even speculating about such a thing.

But still, he thought he knew flirting when he saw it.

There was definitely something going on.

Sakura was tugging at his arm, pointing excitedly toward a candy stand, and Syaoran pushed those ridiculous thoughts out of his mind. It wasn't any of his business, anyway.

-----

I know this seemed like more filler, but in terms of the overall plot, this is an important chapter. Thanks again for reading and reviewing, everyone! hugs


	13. Changes

L-chan's notes: Wow, a new chapter so soon? Enjoy it. And know how much I appreciate all of you for sticking with this.

Disclaimer: See Chapter 1.

Shadows

Chapter 13—Changes

It was a few days later when Tomoyo suddenly asked, "When's the last time you had a haircut?"

Touya glanced at her briefly before turning his attention back to the game on television. "I don't know. It's been a while, I guess."

"Mmm hmm," she murmured as her fingers slid through his thick hair. "It's gotten really long back here. It's almost starting to curl over your collar now." Her hand moved around to brush the dark locks out of his eyes. "And it's really bad here. How can you even see?"

"I manage." It _had_ gotten longer than he liked to keep it, but he'd either been too busy or too lazy to go do anything about it. Besides, he loved the way she'd run her hands through it, which she was still doing as she sat close to scrutinize each overgrown strand.

"I could cut it for you, if you want."

Touya didn't even get a chance to answer. Before he knew what was happening, she'd sat him in a kitchen chair and draped a bathroom towel around his neck. She had a comb in one hand and scissors in the other, which she must have also found in the bathroom, and she crouched down a bit, tilting her head to one side as she tried to figure out where best to begin. "Have you done this before?" he asked, only half-kidding.

Tomoyo carelessly made the scissors snip the air near his ear. "No, but how hard can it be?" She laughed at the flash of panic she saw in his brown eyes. "Actually, I've only ever cut girls' hair before. So, this should be easier, shouldn't it?" After dipping the comb in a glass of water, she pulled it through his hair with a few quick strokes. "Now, hold still."

It wasn't that he didn't trust her, but he still flinched a little at that first snip. Maybe it wouldn't be so bad. _Snip, snip_. He could replace another painful memory with a better one. It had been a long time since someone close to him had cut his hair. Was it supposed to feel so sensuous, as she raked her slender fingers through the long strands, and as her warm breath tickled his ear when she leaned close? _Snip, snip._ Little brown wisps dotted the white bath towel as she worked, quickly alternating between combing and cutting. _Snip, snip, snip._ "Aren't you going too fast?" he asked, the kidding being less than half this time. He wanted to enjoy this, sure, but mostly he didn't want to have to wear a cap for the next month while a bad haircut grew out.

"Hold still!" _Snip, snip._ She finished up in the back and moved around to the front again. "Hmm. Well, I guess if you squint a little, it looks okay."

"What?"

She giggled, and she could tell by his exasperated expression that he didn't appreciate her joke. "You're such a baby. I'm almost done." She trimmed the errant strands in front so he could see properly, and then she put her hands on her hips as she examined the finished product. "Pretty good, I think," she said with a satisfied nod. "Go take a look."

Touya went back to the bedroom with Tomoyo following closely behind. His hand absently reached up, and he could tell that while his hair was still fairly thick, it was much shorter. When he looked in the mirror, he had to admit that she'd done a good job. "But wait a second. It's still long in the front." It still fell in his eyes, though it wasn't quite as bad as before.

"Well, I like it like that," she replied. "It's sexy."

He grinned at her before turning back to the mirror. "You think so?"

"Yeah, but don't go by me," she covered quickly, blushing a little. "After all, I think your glasses make you look sexy, too." _Why did I say that?_ And how many more shades of pink could she possibly turn? But it was true. Everything about him was sexy—his dark eyes, his rich voice, his large hands.... She felt the heat in her cheeks begin to spread over her entire body.

"Really?" She looked so embarrassed. It was cute. "Okay, hold on." Touya picked up his reading glasses from the nightstand, sliding them on before he faced her again. "There. Now, I'll bet you're having all kinds of trouble keeping your hands off me."

Tomoyo covered her flushed face with her hands and shook her head, but she was laughing, too. "Oh, shut up." When she finally looked up, he'd put his glasses away, and he was smiling warmly at her. That crooked smile could do all sorts of things to her besotted heart, and right now it was making it turn somersaults. "You've got a little bit of hair on your shirt," she said softly, reaching out with a trembling hand to brush away some of the stray wisps. "Maybe you should take it off."

"Ah, so now I see. This was all some elaborate scheme to get me out of my clothes, wasn't it?" he teased.

Her cheeks found previously unknown shades of red when she realized what she'd said. "I didn't mean... oh, God." It was funny, it really was, but she couldn't seem to summon any laughter this time. There was too much else going on inside her. She felt the heat within her gather into a pulsating ball, and her somersaulting heart had progressed to more complex acrobatics. She didn't know how to handle it all, so she tried to change the subject, sort of. "I've been thinking of cutting my hair, too," she said, and a little too loudly. She turned toward the mirror and held her long tresses up so that the ends barely grazed her shoulders. "Like this. What do you think?"

"Don't you dare," he said, suddenly coming up behind her. She hadn't known he was so close. He pulled her hands away, and her lavender hair spilled down her back again. "I like it long."

"You do?" The words came out as a shaky whisper. Her attempt to get back in her comfort zone had failed. She was sure that he could hear her heart pounding. He was still holding her hands, and she knew her palms were damp, but she didn't want him to let go.

"Oh, yeah," he whispered back, turning her around to face him. "It's very..." He brushed a feathery kiss against her forehead. "...very..." His lips landed briefly on the tip of her nose. "...sexy." The last word was little more than a breath as his mouth covered hers.

Her arms went around his neck, and as their kiss deepened, she felt him move forward into her space, forcing her to back up. She took one slow step backward, and then another, and he continued his subtle pushing until she bumped into the edge of his bed. His hands gently guided her downward, and she held on to him as her feet lost contact with the floor.

He refused to think about what he was doing as they stretched out together on the blue comforter, their mouths greedily tasting each other. He leaned over her and wedged his knee between her legs, telling himself that all he wanted was to be closer to her. If he wanted to make out with his girlfriend, well, that certainly wasn't a crime. They'd done it several times before. He just couldn't let it go any further than that. But it was going to be hard to remember where the line would need to be drawn, especially when she pulled him even closer and teased him with that soft tongue of hers.

Her hands slid down over his shoulders, and her fingers brushed over some stray wisps of his brown hair. "Touya... you still... hair... your shirt," she managed to whisper in the brief milliseconds when their lips weren't touching. He grumbled something about a nuisance before quickly yanking the shirt over his head and tossing it to the floor. She didn't know if that was what she meant for him to do, but once she felt his warm skin beneath her hands, she couldn't remember ever wanting anything else. She hadn't touched him like this before, and her fingers were eager to explore every hard plane as he resumed kissing her, making her dizzy in the most wonderful way. It was a good thing she was lying down.

He barely held back a groan from the pleasure of feeling her touch turn from tentative to confident as she slowly ran her hands up and down his bare back. That line just kept getting pushed farther and farther back, and he was finding it difficult to care. He mentally snuffed out the big flashing lights that told him that danger was ahead. He wasn't an inexperienced teenager anymore; he could stay in control. He'd know when it was time to stop. For now, it all just felt too good, and having her soft little body in his arms was all he wanted.

She was going by feeling, because that was all she could do. Anything that felt good, anything that felt right, she wanted. Each time they kissed was more exciting, more electrifying, than the last. Even now, when his lips were simply caressing hers, there was an underlying urgency to it that made her heart go crazy. His fingers tenderly brushed over her cheek, and she sighed into his mouth. Then it felt like he was slowing down, and when he lifted his head, she was afraid he was going to stop. She tightened her arms around him, and her eyes pleaded with him to continue.

He was definitely in dangerous territory now, especially since she wasn't shying away. Why wasn't she stopping him? It wasn't a question he considered for long. His hand was still on her cheek, and then it slowly moved down to her neck, all while his brown eyes remained fixed on hers. His fingers hovered over the top button of her pink blouse, and her violet eyes shone with absolute trust as she looked back at him. He almost wished she'd push him away, but, in this particular instance, almost wasn't very much.

Their breath mingled sweetly as he slowly unbuttoned her blouse, and when he reached the bottom, he tugged the blouse free of her skirt. He kissed her again, rolling onto his side and pulling her with him. His hand slid beneath the thin cotton to stroke her back as his lips moved against her neck. She gasped when his hand pressed her closer to him, because she could feel the heat of his skin against her own. Their combined heat set off sparks someplace deep inside of her, and that fire needed to be stoked. She instinctively fit her body to his and wrapped a leg around him as their mouths met again.

His hand was now roaming up and down the back of her thigh, a little higher each time, pushing her skirt out of his way. She kept her leg draped over his, and the higher his hand moved, the higher her leg hitched around him. He had a handful of her skirt clenched in his fist as he kissed her harder, and he let go of the fabric to slide his hand under the skirt, cupping her little round bottom. The fact that she wore cotton panties vaguely registered in his brain, but he couldn't think about that. If he did, he would go mad. He reluctantly extricated his hand from beneath her skirt and placed it on her back again.

She could feel lingering traces of heat from every place he'd touched her, like she'd been marked somehow. Her head was spinning from all of these new sensations. Their kiss continued as he trailed his fingers down her back, and she echoed his movement, loving the feel of his hard muscles beneath her hands. It didn't matter that it was all too much. She still wanted more.

As much as he loved feeling the warm, silky skin of her back, his hand once again grew restless. He rolled her onto her back again as his hand moved between their bodies, and his index finger hooked around the front clasp of her lacy pink bra. He knew that with one quick flick, the fabric would separate for him. And if he did that, _then_ how much further would he go?

He slowly slid his finger away from the clasp and rested his hand safely on her waist instead. He dragged his lips away from hers and moved them near her ear. "We have to stop now," he whispered.

She could feel him trying to pull away from her, and she held him tightly. Her leg remained firmly wrapped around his, and the hand on his back slid beneath the waistband of his jeans. She heard his breath expel shakily at the touch. "I don't want to stop," she answered, trembling from a heady combination of trepidation and need. She'd never felt these things so strongly before, and there had to be a way to ease this exquisite aching inside of her.

He closed his eyes and pressed his face to her neck, breathing in her sweet scent. "God, Tomoyo, don't say that," he murmured. "Don't do this to me." He gave her leg one last squeeze before letting go of her and rolling onto his back. His eyes were still closed, and he tried in vain to calm the pounding of his body.

Her cheeks were still flushed as she sat up and ran her hands over her hair, not knowing what else to do. When things started getting too physical between them, he always pulled away from her, and she wondered if she was doing something wrong. "Don't you want me?" she asked.

He turned his head to look at her. Her now-wrinkled blouse was still hanging open, and her lips were swollen from the ferocity of his kisses. He groaned silently and looked away again. "Are we still keeping track of stupid questions? Because I think you deserve bonus points for that one."

"Then what's the problem?"

Touya actually laughed at that. It was a frustrated croak of a laugh, but it was either laugh or go quietly insane. "You have no idea," he answered, sitting up next to her now. He shook his head, chuckling to himself in a sardonic kind of way. "God, you're so young."

Tomoyo felt the sting of his insult. The difference in their ages wasn't something that could be ignored, but he'd never thrown it in her face like that before. It made her feel like a stupid child. "No, I'm not," she replied indignantly, but inwardly she cringed. That was exactly how a child would have responded.

"You are. You have no idea," he said again. He shoved his hands through his hair and let out a long sigh. "You don't know what it would mean, how everything would change. You just don't know."

He kept saying that. "I know about sex," she informed him haughtily, but she knew she still sounded like a petulant little girl, whining because the candy she wanted had been taken from her. Of course she knew all about sex. The mechanics of it, anyway. The what and the where and the why. But she was only just beginning to understand how it felt, both physically and emotionally, and she wanted him to be the one to show her how beautiful it could be.

God, were they seriously having this conversation? "You do," Touya replied skeptically. He gave her a sideways glance, which was a mistake, because her disheveled appearance wasn't helping him stick to his resolve. "You know all about it, and you're ready. Ready for the pain and the consequences and the fact that you will never be the same again." He had to think about things like this, for her sake. And for his, too. He'd never been with a virgin before, and he wasn't sure if _he_ was ready for that responsibility and its consequences. On the other hand, he sure as hell didn't want anyone else touching her. It made his stomach twist into knots and the bile rise in his throat just thinking about someone else.... He couldn't even think it.

Tomoyo flinched at his condescending tone, but she hated to acknowledge that, in a way, he had a point. _Okay, so maybe I don't know everything. How can I?_ She wouldn't say that out loud, of course, so instead she turned the tables on him, he who was apparently so wise in these matters. "So, how old were _you_?"

"Sorry?" He pretended not to understand, but he knew exactly what she was asking. And she was too smart to let his feigned confusion distract her from the very valid point she was about to have in her favor.

"You say I'm too young. How old were _you_ the first time?"

He really did not want to tell her, because it would throw his argument completely out the window. But he wouldn't lie to her, either. She deserved the truth, and he looked her straight in the eye when he answered her, because she deserved that, too. "Fourteen," he admitted sheepishly.

"Fourteen," she repeated with breathy astonishment. She didn't know what she'd expected him to answer, yet it made perfect sense, if she would have taken the time to think about it. Then she would have realized that, maybe, he knew what he was talking about. Instead, she just resented that he presumed to know what was best without even considering her feelings. "And you say _I'm_ too young?"

"But that was different."

"Why?"

_Don't say it_, he warned himself._ Don't say it!_ "Because I'm a guy." _Idiot_.

She just stared at him, her mouth open. She was completely gobsmacked. Did he really adhere to such an archaic double standard? Did he have that little respect for her? "I can't believe you said that to me. I can't believe you would...." She couldn't even finish her sentence. She stood up and refastened her blouse, getting a couple of the buttons in the wrong holes in her haste, but she didn't care. She had to get out of there.

"Tomoyo, don't...." His own words trailed off as he got up to follow her, stopping only as an afterthought to grab his shirt and pull it back on. He muttered a couple of choice curse words under his breath as he entered the living room. "Tomoyo."

She was standing there, by the door, with her head down. How was it that just a few minutes ago they'd been so close, and now she felt like they were right back where they started three months ago? No, they were even further back than that. "I'm not some stupid little girl," she said. She felt tears form in her eyes, and she hated herself for letting that sign of weakness show. She _was_ a stupid little girl.

"I know you're not."

"Then stop treating me like one!"

"I'm not! I—" Touya started to walk toward her, but her whole posture was defensive and closed off. Her arms were crossed over her stomach, and although her chin was now raised, she wasn't looking at him. "Tomoyo, I don't want to hurt you." Her only response was some sort of disbelieving huff, and it cut him deep to know that he _had_ hurt her. "But you just don't know."

"Then tell me!"

He hated himself at that moment, because as she stood there, trying not to cry, a small part of him wanted to push her up against the wall, toss up her skirt, and just show her. He didn't know how to make her understand, and he was screwing everything up. "This isn't something I can take lightly. I'm not like that. Sex isn't casual. It's a deep emotional commitment, and one I want us both to be ready for. It will change who you are, and I can't explain how, because it's something you just have to go through to fully understand. And this isn't the right time for us. Don't you see, that if we made—" He couldn't say it without picturing it, so, for the sake of his sanity, it was better that he didn't. "And if you regretted it, if I hurt you... God, I wouldn't be able to take it. I love you too much."

Tomoyo had wanted to tune out his lecture, but those last words shocked her right out of her sulk. She stood very still as the words echoed in her mind, not even daring to breathe for fear that she'd only imagined them. The only sound in the room was that of their hearts restarting at a faster beat, because they'd both stopped when those words were spoken. When she finally looked at him, it was clear that he'd shocked himself. "What did you say?"

He raked his hand through his short hair, wondering where those words had come from. But he knew. They came from his heart, and they'd been there, fighting their way out for who knows how long, refusing to be denied any longer. Because they were the honest-to-God truth. "I said that I'm in love with you."

Now she was crying, and it wasn't pretty, silent-tears-sliding-down-her-cheeks crying. She sobbed, and her body shook from the intensity of her manifested emotions. But she didn't cover her face or turn from him again. Everything that she was feeling showed plainly in her eyes. It was as if she'd been stripped naked, shivering and vulnerable, so that he could see her very soul.

Touya wanted to believe what he saw there, but before he could even form the words to say anything to her, not that he had the slightest idea what to say, Tomoyo ran to him. She threw her arms around him and buried her face against his shoulder. "I love you, too," she whispered as he cradled her trembling form against him. "I love you so much."

There were a hundred different ways he could have reacted upon hearing those words. All of them involved him being elated that she felt the same way he did. But there weren't fireworks going off or any other clichéd expressions of excited happiness. There was no relieved laughter or other cathartic release, like her crying. Instead, he felt... at peace. It was something he hadn't experienced in a long time. There was a quietness, a sense that everything was right, that things had clicked into the places where they belonged. She'd said that they were supposed to be together, and now he knew without a doubt that she'd been right.

He wouldn't fool himself by thinking that things were perfect. Their situation was still complicated, to say the least. But whatever happened, they would face it together.

He tenderly stroked her hair as her sobs quieted into sniffles, and then into a few shaky deep breaths. She nestled closer to him, feeling safe and protected. They stood that way, not speaking, and let the moment surround them. She took in every detail, from the subtle scent of his cologne to the steady sound of his heartbeat, from the way his lips brushed against her hair to the soft texture of his shirt against her cheek, so that she could preserve this memory like the precious treasure it was. If she'd asked, she would have found that he was doing the same, memorizing the way she fit in his arms, the incredible warmth that emanated from her, the exact shade of her pink blouse, and... the rumbling sound her stomach made.

He chuckled when she burrowed even closer to him out of embarrassment. "Hungry?" he asked softly.

Tomoyo giggled self-consciously and looked up at him, wiping her reddened eyes. "Apparently."

Touya laughed again and gave her a quick kiss. "If you want to stay, I'll get us a pizza." She nodded, and after one more _hanyaan_-worthy kiss, he reluctantly let go of her to go find the phone.

She stood there smiling to herself as she listened to his voice coming from the other room. Already she felt like a different person, like her life had been significantly changed. And it was wonderful. She was in love, and he loved her back.

She couldn't wait to tell Meiling.

-----

Well, we'd all been waiting for it. I hope you now understand that the importance of any "filler" was to build up their relationship. And I hope it was worth the wait, so drop me a review and let me know what you think. Thanks, gang!


	14. Uninvited

L-chan's notes: I apologize in advance for this one. As always, thanks to everyone for reading and reviewing.

Disclaimer: See Chapter 1.

Shadows

Chapter 14—Uninvited

The harsh ringing of the phone startled Tomoyo out of a deep sleep, and she groaned as she realized that the thing was not going to shut up until she answered it. A quick glance at the yellow light on the phone's base told her that it was her private line, so at least none of the staff would be bothered by the lunatic on the other end. She grabbed the handset and punched the button. "What?" she grumbled into the mouthpiece. Apparently her good manners hadn't awoken with the rest of her.

There was a rumbling chuckle in her ear, and she felt a shiver run up her spine. "Sorry. Did I wake you?" Touya asked softly.

Her eyes blinked a few times, adjusting to the darkness as she rolled over to read the dim glow of her digital clock. "No, I'm always up at three-thirty-seven in the morning. It's the best time to do a little gardening."

He laughed again, and she felt herself smiling. _There are worse ways to be woken up, that's for sure_, she thought. "Good, because I want you to go outside," he replied. "And take a blanket with you."

"Why?"

"I want to show you something."

"Where are you?"

She heard him sigh with exaggerated exasperation. "I'm at home, so you don't have to worry about that. Just go, okay?"

Tomoyo cradled the cordless phone against her shoulder as she went to the closet to find a quilt. "Are you going to tell me what this is about?"

"Are you getting a blanket?"

"Yes."

"Then I'll tell you in a minute. Go outside and find a flat place to lie down, as far away from the lights of the house as you can get."

She slid her feet into her slippers and quietly left her room. "This is very strange, you know," she whispered into the phone as she padded down the stairs.

"I know. But it will be worth it."

When she made it outside, she spread the quilt over the grass and lay down on top of it. "Okay. Now what?"

"Look up."

_Well, of course_. A gentle breeze passed through her thin nightgown, and she pulled one side of the blanket over her to block the chill. "I wish I had some coffee," she mumbled. _Both for the warmth, and to wake me up_. Touya made a sort of choking sound, and she realized he was trying not to laugh at her. She was about to apologize for complaining when she saw a light streak across the black night sky. "Oh, my God," she whispered.

"Did you see it?"

"Yeah. What—?" And then there was another one. "Oh, wow."

"It's a meteor shower," he explained. "It happens every year at this time."

"I remember hearing about that, but I've never seen one before."

"There'll be one in October, too, but this is usually the best. And it's a clear night, which always helps."

"How many will there be?"

"It's hard to tell. Maybe a hundred. Maybe more."

"Wow," she said again.

They watched the sky together in an awed silence, and their patience was rewarded as more meteors trailed across the black canvas above them. She'd once seen a shooting star, but this was like a private show that the heavens were putting on just for the two of them. Some of the meteors were very faint and seemed to burn out quickly. Others were large and bright, with long, shining tails, falling to earth for so long that it looked like they might land in someone's backyard. Sometimes there were several at once, and sometimes there was a span of several minutes before they saw another. _How many others are sitting outside, watching? And how many are missing it?_ She tried to make a wish on each one, but she quickly ran out of wishes. She already had everything she wanted.

"It's amazing, isn't it?" he said softly.

"It's beautiful," she answered, matching his hushed tone. "Thanks for waking me up."

"You're welcome." He paused, and when he spoke again, she heard a trace of amusement in his voice. "If it hadn't been for you, I probably wouldn't have gotten up either. When my alarm went off, all I wanted to do was go back to sleep. I don't think I quite understood just how early three-thirty is. God, it's _early_."

"Oh, and that's somehow my fault?" she teased.

"Well, yeah," he answered, trying to sound serious.

"Fine. Just for that, I'm waking you up in October so we can do this again."

"It's a date," he agreed, and she found herself already looking forward to it. _Who needs sleep, anyway?_ "You know, the meteors are caused by comets which orbit through the solar system. They leave a cloud of dust and other particles behind, especially as they near the heat of the sun, so when the Earth passes through the trail of debris, it...."

Tomoyo snuggled into her blanket and let the velvety caress of his voice lull her into a peaceful state. She didn't hear much of what he said, but she tried to make the appropriate noises when expected. Her eyes slid closed, and she pulled the blanket closer around her. A lazy smile played at her lips as she imagined him lying next to her, keeping her warm as he told her about the stars and comets and—

"Isn't it?"

She had no idea. "Mmm, pretty," she murmured sleepily.

Touya was silent for a moment, and then he chuckled. "You weren't listening."

"Mmm."

"I'm sorry. I'm such a science geek."

"That's a good quality in a science teacher."

"That's true enough." He paused again, and when he spoke, she could almost feel his breath against her ear. "I just wanted to share this with you."

_I wish you were here to share it with me_. "I'm glad. It really is fascinating." The sincerity of her statement was somewhat dampened by the yawn that followed, and she tried to swallow it. "It almost makes me wish it weren't summer."

"What do you mean?"

"Well, because I don't get to see you at school every day. I miss that."

"If you want to come over tomorrow, I'll give you a quiz. How would that be?"

She perked up at that idea. "Can I?"

"You want a quiz?"

"No," she giggled, and probably a bit too much, because everything was funnier when she was tired. "Can I come over?"

He seemed to be thinking about it. "Yeah. We'll make dinner and watch a movie. And then, if you're really good, we'll see about that quiz."

She giggled again, which was followed by another yawn. She curled up in her blanket and sighed happily. "Touya?"

"Yeah?"

"I love you."

"I love you, too, sweetheart. Now, go inside and go back to bed before you fall asleep in the yard and someone finds you there. I'll see you tomorrow, okay?"

Tomoyo sat up with a start and held the phone close against her ear. "What was that?"

"I'll see you tomorrow."

"No, before that," she said anxiously.

"Go back to bed?"

_He doesn't even know what he said._ She shook her head, even though she knew he couldn't see her. "Never mind." She stood up and draped her blanket around her shoulders like a cloak. "I'll come over around six. See you then. Good night."

She was about to hang up when she heard him laugh, and she realized he'd been teasing her all along. "Good night, sweetheart."

-----

Tomoyo, Sakura, and Meiling dropped their packages on the ground and collapsed with weary yet satisfied sighs into the café's chairs. They'd had a long day of shopping, one that was just supposed to be about looking, not buying. But then one thing led to another, and clothes were tried on, earrings admired, and compact discs sampled until each girl had decided that she couldn't live another second without the desired item.

They gossiped and giggled over chocolate sundaes and cold drinks until Sakura's cell phone rang. "That must be Syaoran-kun," she said as she dug around in her purse in search of the chirping object. "He said he'd call after the soccer game. We're meeting at the movies later." She finally found the phone and smiled as she looked at the display. "Yep, it's him," she confirmed happily.

She excused herself to talk to her boyfriend in private, which gave Meiling and Tomoyo a few minutes for a little private gossip of their own. "I am totally and completely jealous of you, you know," Meiling began teasingly. Tomoyo had dutifully kept her friend filled in on some—but not all—of the details of her relationship with Touya. It had been a week since they'd confessed their love for each other, and Meiling had been thrilled for them.

"Why's that?" Tomoyo asked, but a knowing smile played at her lips. She'd felt herself glowing these past few days, making her happiness blatantly obvious to everyone. Even Sakura had mentioned it once, saying that it was nice to see Tomoyo so cheerful, but she didn't question the reason behind her sunny mood.

"Oh, I can't possibly imagine," Meiling replied with an indulgent roll of her eyes and a nonchalant wave of her hand, almost knocking her glass of iced tea over in the process. "Maybe because you've managed to nab the most perfect man in town, or because he's so crazy about you, or because I know that when you're done with us, you'll be heading over there for who knows what sort of illicit behavior."

"Meiling-chan!" Tomoyo's cheeks flushed pink with shock, even though she knew Meiling was just being her typical brazen self. She hadn't confided _those_ sorts of details to her friend. They were too private and precious, and she felt that discussing them would somehow cheapen their beauty and meaning. Those moments were just for the two of them.

"You know what I mean," Meiling said with a sly wink before letting Tomoyo off the hook. She sighed and stirred her straw in her glass. "But just being in love.... It must be so wonderful. I'm really envious, Tomoyo-chan." Her tone had turned wistful, even though a bit of teasing could still be found there.

"What about Tanaka-kun?" Tomoyo asked with a confused blink. "I thought things were going great for you two."

"Oh, they are," Meiling answered quickly. "But love? I'm not sure that's what it is. We enjoy hanging out together, but—"

"I've seen the way he looks at you," Tomoyo said softly. "If that's not love, it's pretty darn close."

Meiling's own cheeks flushed now. "It's probably too soon," she protested. "And anyway, I don't think I'd be able to handle it. It seems so serious. I don't like being serious."

If Tomoyo had learned one thing from getting involved with Touya, it was that love was indeed serious business. "I can't blame you there," she sympathized. "As wonderful as it is, it does feel overwhelming at times. But it's not something you get a say in, you know? Ready or not, it will happen, and all you can do is go along for the incredible ride." _Listen to me. I sound like an eighty-year-old woman sharing the wisdom of the ages instead of a high school girl with her very first boyfriend_. She smiled sheepishly at her own arrogance in order to take some of the condescension out of her words.

"I don't know," Meiling said, leaning her elbows on the table and blowing her raven bangs out of her eyes. "I don't want to think too much about it, either."

"But it sounds like you are," Tomoyo replied gently.

"Yeah. It's kind of scary, isn't it?" her friend whispered. "When you're younger, you think that love is all hearts and flowers, but it's not. I've seen you go through this, and I know how hard it's been for you. And I'm nowhere near as mature as you are. I just want the happy parts. I'm not ready for the rest." She shook her head and pushed those thoughts to back of her mind where they belonged. "Besides, we can't all be lucky enough to catch the eye of the best looking sensei at Seijou," she joked. "Is he really as great as he seems?"

Tomoyo recognized Meiling's need to change the subject, and she complied with an understanding smile. "Even better," she said dreamily. She'd bored Meiling with all of this before, but if she was willing to hear it again.... "He's brilliant, and funny, and sweet, and so, so—"

"Who are we talking about?" Sakura interrupted as she rejoined them at the table.

"Tanaka-kun and Meiling-chan," Tomoyo answered glibly, giggling at the unconvincing glare Meiling directed her way.

Sakura nodded with a grin of her own. "Aren't they adorable?"

And Meiling, the one who could always be counted on to make a bold joke about such things, blushed redder than the setting sun. The other two girls teased her as she covered her face in embarrassment.

_Whether she's ready for it or not, she's fallen hard for him_, Tomoyo mused as Meiling became suddenly fascinated with stirring more sugar into her tea glass. _She's always enjoyed being chased by boys, but now she's finally let one catch her._

"Boys," Sakura said, sighing dramatically. "What would we do without them?" She seemed to realize what she'd just said, and she cast a guilty glance at Tomoyo. "Oh, except they can really be a pain in the—"

"It's okay," Tomoyo reassured the honey-haired girl with a warm smile. Sakura gave her a relieved smile in return. "So, tell me more about your trip."

As Sakura and Meiling took turns interrupting each other with excited babble about their upcoming trip to Hong Kong, Tomoyo listened with polite interest, nodding when it was expected of her, as her mind wandered. She and Sakura had been making amends to their fractured friendship and were once again becoming as close as they used to be, which was making it all the more difficult to keep this secret. She didn't like lying to people, but especially to Sakura, who had always confided her feelings about Syaoran to her. She wanted to be honest with her, because it would be a relief to get this out in the open. _Should I just tell her? But what would I say? "Oh, by the way, I'm in love with your brother."_

Would it be so bad? Meiling had known from the beginning, and Touya had told her that his father had figured it out. She knew that Sakura would be hurt to discover that no one had said anything to her. But if she told Sakura, it would only be a matter of time before she accidentally let it slip to Syaoran. _What's that they say about three people keeping a secret? And we've already got four._ She didn't know exactly what would happen if a rumor of their relationship got back to the school administration, but she knew that at worst, she could be expelled, and Touya would be fired.

_I'll just have to ask him before I say anything_, Tomoyo decided, focusing her attention back on her friends. _Maybe we can find a way to tell her together_.

"I wish you were coming with us," Sakura said to her now. "It's not too late to change your mind."

"I know," Tomoyo said, then her lips twitched with amusement. "But surely you guys can live without me for a week."

"You'll come next time, won't you?" Meiling asked hopefully. She knew why Tomoyo was staying in Tomoeda, but she still wanted her friend to come home with her.

"Next time, for sure," Tomoyo agreed. "And don't forget, I'm expecting some fabulous souvenirs."

"How about a good-looking Li cousin?" Sakura teased. "They've got tons of them." She looked around sheepishly before grinning. "Don't tell Syaoran-kun I said that," she joked in a conspiratorial whisper.

"A barrette might be easier to bring back, and shouldn't cause a fight between you two," Tomoyo joked in return, hoping that Sakura would get the subtle point, that she didn't want to be fixed up. _We'll definitely have to tell her soon_.

-----

Touya was putting his laundry away when the doorbell rang. He glanced over at the clock on the nightstand. _She's early_. As he quickly finished tossing his socks in the drawer, his brown eyes fell on the picture from their afternoon in the city. It sat on top of his dresser next to his other framed photographs, and he broke out in a grin, remembering how much fun they'd had that day. _We'll have to do that again_.

He bumped the dresser drawer closed with his hip and stored his empty laundry basket away in the closet before heading for the door. He was still wearing his goofy smile as he unbolted the lock and opened the door. "You're ear—" The smile immediately disappeared, and the teasing words stuck in his throat.

The person standing on Touya's doorstep was not his lovely girlfriend. It was a young man with short-cropped silver hair and warm hazel eyes which were no longer magnified by the large, round glasses he used to wear. His own bright smile wavered slightly but didn't disappear, which was typical of him. He wasn't as tall as Touya, but he held himself with the same confident posture. He hadn't aged a day since high school, and he probably never would.

Touya could only stare, and blink, and blink again.

"Hello, Touya."

"Yuki."

-----

Raise your hand if you saw that coming. Seriously, I'd like to know. Thanks again for reading, gang.


	15. Past, Present, and Future

L-chan's notes: Again, I'm sorry for the way the last chapter ended. Thanks for coming back!

Disclaimer: See Chapter 1.

Shadows

Chapter 15—Past, Present, and Future

"Aren't you going to invite me in?"

Touya wondered how long he'd just been stupidly staring at Yukito, and he gave himself a mental shake as he moved aside. "Sorry. Come in." _I think_.

"Thanks."

While Yukito was strangely overly preoccupied with untying his shoes, Touya reflexively put a hand on his chest. His heart hadn't started beating faster, like it might have a couple of years ago. Instead, he wondered if it was beating at all. It felt as if it had fallen into the bottomless pit in his soul, that empty space at the core of his being where his magic sense used to reside. The figurative flesh of that old wound was torn open again, and it ached like a trick knee that acted up when it was going to rain.

Funny. He hadn't felt that hole for weeks.

Yukito, seemingly oblivious to Touya's ruminations, finally left his shoes in the entry and stepped into the living room. "Nice place."

"It's home," Touya replied with a shrug as he forced himself to ignore the familiar, dull ache. He honestly couldn't think of anything else to say. _Well, there's always, "What the hell are you doing here?" but that_ _would probably be a bit rude. _He shoved his hands in his pockets and rocked back on his heels, marking time as Yukito took a deliberate look around. "It's been a while." Then he wincingly rolled his eyes at the inanity of this statement. _This conversation is already on life-support. What's next, "So, how are you?" _

"Since Christmas, I think," Yukito replied. He stood in the middle of the room uncomfortably. He looked incredibly out of place there, and whether it was because they were both feeling awkward, or whether it was because there was no place for him in Touya's life anymore, Touya couldn't say for certain.

And apparently Touya couldn't come up with anything else to say, either. Yukito sighed and reached up to push back his glasses, an old nervous habit he hadn't been able to shake, even though he'd given up wearing the unnecessary lenses over a year ago. As there was nothing there, he absently scratched his nose instead. "So, how are you?"

Touya almost laughed at that. They always had been able to read each other. Well, _once_. Not anymore. Not for a long time. "Good. I'm good." He was slowly coming out of his state of shock. It wasn't like they never saw each other. It was just that they never intentionally sought each other out. _Why is he here?_ "How are you?" he added instead after another span of silence.

"Good. Great," Yukito amended with forced enthusiasm.

"That's good." Touya had had more substantial conversations with the owner of the convenience store down the street. "I'm sorry... would you like some tea or something?" he asked with detached politeness.

"Thanks." Yukito smiled in relief. He relaxed visibly then, as if he'd been expecting Touya to throw him out on sight. "I'm sorry about just dropping by like this. Maybe I should have called first?"

"No, it's okay," Touya said dismissively over his shoulder as he went to the kitchen, gesturing vaguely for Yukito to follow him. "I didn't know you knew where I lived."

"Your father told me."

"Oh." He entertained himself with various implausible but satisfying scenarios for getting back at his father as he filled the tea kettle. He glanced over at Yukito, who was lingering in the kitchen doorway, definitely looking out of place. "Want to sit down?" And when Yukito smiled gratefully and pulled out one of the kitchen chairs, Touya had to bite his tongue to keep from protesting aloud. _Not there. That's Tomoyo's chair_.

_Oh, God. Tomoyo._ He surreptitiously eyed the oven clock. _Quarter to six_. She could arrive at any time. He could call her, tell her to hold off for a bit, that he had to go out, but she was probably already on her way. _Looks like it's option number two. Find out what he wants, and get him out of here._

But he didn't know how to ask, because he wasn't sure he really wanted to know. Another awkward silence settled over the room like a heavy thundercloud, filled with the weight of words that weren't being said. As each second ticked past, the cloud grew thicker with their unspoken thoughts, and soon it would become suffocating.

"So, you've seen 'tou-san recently?" Touya asked as he set the tea on the table. It wasn't the best way to get things started, but he hoped it would serve as an opening.

"We usually have lunch together every couple of weeks," Yukito replied as he poured a cup, then doctoring the tea with milk and sugar. "We meet in the university cafeteria."

_I knew that_. Fujitaka had mentioned it in passing, but as with all other information regarding Yukito, it was stored in an infrequently visited part of Touya's brain. "Are you still with the English department?" The last he'd heard, Yukito had been working as a professor's research assistant while he finished his studies.

"Yeah. It keeps me busy, but some days, that's a good thing." Yukito gulped the hot tea down quickly and poured another cup. That was something else he did when he was anxious about something. "And I haven't seen you since you started teaching. Your father says that's going well."

"Better than I thought it would, in any case," Touya answered honestly, idly wondering what else his father had said about him. "I've really been enjoying it."

"I always thought that would suit you. Sakura-chan thinks so, too."

"Does she? You wouldn't know it from my end." The conversation was flowing much more easily now, but they still weren't any closer to the reason for Yukito's arrival.

"Well, of course not. Do you really think she'd tell you something like that?" It was a teasing question, almost like the old days.

"No, I guess not. Still, it would be nice to hear." But then, he'd never been one to seek validation from his little sister. It was strange how, now, as he saw her growing up, her opinion had started to matter to him. She was almost an adult, and he knew she was an intelligent young woman. He found himself wanting her to see him differently, too. Not just as her mean old onii-chan, but as a fellow adult whom she respected.

While Touya's mind was wandering, Yukito pushed his teacup away with a pensive sigh, bringing Touya's attention back to the situation at hand. "I suppose you're wondering why I'm here."

"Maybe a little," he replied, one corner of his mouth lifting slightly in a wry smile.

"Yeah." Yukito again started to reach for his nonexistent glasses, and when he caught himself, he shoved his hand through his short silver hair instead. "We've come to an important decision, and even though Sakura-chan offered to tell you, we thought we should tell you directly, considering everything you did for us." He'd slipped into the pluralistic way of speaking that represented Yue's participation in the matter. "After discussing it with her and Kerberos-san, and Eriol-san and Nakuru-san, we've decided...." His words trailed off as he searched for the proper explanation. "We've decided it's time to remove the barrier separating us."

Of all the reasons Yukito might have come to see him, that one hadn't occurred to him. But it made sense. Touya let out the breath he'd been holding and felt the tension in his chest alleviate. "You mean... you're not going to be separate from Yue anymore?"

"I know it seems strange, after all this time," Yukito answered, and as he spoke, a silver shadow passed through his clear hazel eyes. "But we're tired. It's become mentally and physically draining to keep ourselves separate." He shrugged, and his faltering smile showed his weariness. "Besides, we're the same. No matter how much we've fought it in the past, we know that we're more alike than we are different." Now his smile turned warm, and Touya recognized it as the way Yukito used to smile at him, back before everything had changed. "You and Sakura-chan have always said so. We just refused to accept it."

Touya knew how much Yukito had struggled with accepting his fate, even when he'd pretended that he had. "If that's what you want, then I'm happy for you," he said quietly. "You deserve to be happy." He meant both of them, and he could tell that Yukito understood.

"Yeah, I guess so." Then Yukito laughed, again just like he used to. It was hard to believe that these last vestiges of his individuality would soon be gone. "But Yue insists that I complete my coursework first, with no help from him. That's the whole point, and it's only fair, he says."

Touya nodded. That sounded like Yue. "So, when...?"

"Sakura-chan says the best time to perform the spell will be the first full moon after the winter solstice. Right at Christmas. Seems fitting, doesn't it? My seventh birthday." Though all public records showed that Yukito Tsukishiro would be twenty-three, he chose to count his age from the date of his awakening, of his first individual memory. After all, that was how long he'd truly been alive.

"Wow," Touya said in a hushed tone. It was really going to happen. It was like finding out someone was going to die. And it was horribly morbid to think of it that way, because Yukito wouldn't die, but become who he always should have been. He'd be completely self-actualized. Fulfilled. "Then, this might be the last time I see you as... _you_."

Now Yukito looked uncomfortable again, lowering his eyes as he poured yet another cup of tea and stirred milk and sugar into the brown liquid. "That's the other thing I wanted to talk to you about. I was wondering—"

His words were interrupted by the buzzing of the doorbell. Touya swore under his breath, which made Yukito's expression brighten, but only because he didn't know Touya's true reason for being agitated.

When Touya opened the door, Tomoyo greeted him with a loving smile. "I know I'm a little late," she apologized sweetly, "but that's because I stopped to get some of those cookies you like." She held up a pink-and-white striped bakery sack, but he just stood there staring at it. She lowered her arm again when it was clear he wasn't going to take the bag from her.

After stepping out of her low-heeled pumps, Tomoyo lifted her face in expectation of a welcoming kiss, but he didn't move. His expression was conflicted, and she studied it carefully before asking, "What's wrong?"

Touya slowly shook his head. "I knew I should have called you," he muttered.

She was about to reply when, out of the corner of her eye, she noticed a figure appear in the kitchen doorway. She immediately recognized the young man standing there. "Yukito-san!" she exclaimed in surprise. It wasn't an appropriate response, but it was understandable.

"Tomoyo-chan?" he answered, sounding more confused than surprised. He recovered quickly enough to remember his manners. "How are you?"

"Fine, thank you," she answered politely, darting her violet eyes at Touya for an explanation. But he didn't seem to have one for her. She gave him the benefit of the doubt and assumed that he couldn't say anything without giving away the fact that they were involved. _Then I guess I need a reason for being here, don't I?_ It needed to be believable, and, more importantly, it needed to be close to the truth. "Touya-sensei has been teaching me to play the piano, so I'm here for my lesson," she said, the words tumbling out in a rush.

Touya still didn't provide any information in return. Not even a quickly formed lie to reassure her that the scene she'd intruded upon was completely innocent. And that certainly made things appear suspicious. She'd always trusted him, but now she felt doubt begin whispering in the back of her mind. She again held up the bakery bag and practically shoved it at Touya's chest, forcing him to take it from her. "Don't mind me," she said, the tremble in her voice belying her cheerful demeanor. "I can start practicing on my own." She waved as nonchalantly as possible as she excused herself from the room, leaving the two men to stare after her in befuddled silence.

Tomoyo hoped she wouldn't stumble in her effort to appear casual and unconcerned, but when she made it to the bedroom, she collapsed onto the piano bench and held her head in her hands. Her heart felt seized in a grip of panic, and each breath she drew was shaky and shallow. _What is going on?_

But she didn't want to think about it. She didn't want to know why the man she loved was secretly meeting the one _he_ used to love. Or what they were talking about. Or what it meant. No, she wasn't going to think about any of it. Instead, she placed her hands over the piano's keys and began slowly playing the warm-up scales, deliberately holding each note to drown out the thoughts she wasn't thinking.

The faint sounds of the piano drifted into the living room, where Touya and Yukito were still standing with their feet seemingly rooted to the floor. "Wow," Yukito said, letting out a low whistle of appreciation. "She's grown up, hasn't she? And prettier than ever."

Touya directed a heated glare at the back of Yukito's head, but it diminished to a disinterested look by the time Yukito turned around. It was an innocent comment, and nothing to get into a fit of protective jealousy over. "I guess." He opened the bakery sack and pulled out a bite-sized chocolate cookie. "Want one?" he offered, even though Tomoyo had bought them just for him. He popped the cookie in his mouth and chewed it with exaggerated care.

"No, thanks. I should probably get going, except...." Yukito shifted uncomfortably, and it looked like he was debating something with himself, which, he probably was. Then he stood up straight as if gathering his resolve. "Would you like to have dinner sometime?"

Touya's brown eyes blinked three times in rapid succession.

"It would give us a chance to talk, and catch up," Yukito continued. "Because, before long, well..." he gestured at himself, "...I'll be a little different. And I want to talk to you while I'm still me. _This_ me."

"Oh," Touya answered. He knew there more to it than that, but the significance dangled just beyond his reach.

"I need to know if... if there's any way... that you and I...."

Now Touya understood, and the meaning hit him as hard as if an anvil had dropped from the sky. "Oh," he said again, a little too loudly. "Oh, well, actually, I'm... seeing someone." For the truth, it sure sounded unconvincing to his own ears. He tried not to look toward the bedroom and give away their secret. Too many people knew already.

"If you don't want to go, just say so. It's okay," Yukito replied quickly, but with an edge to his voice that made him sound hurt and skeptical, as if he suspected Touya was lying. Another mist of silver passed through his hazel eyes, but this time it stayed longer before dissipating.

"No, really, I'm—"

"Because, well, when Sakura-chan told me you weren't seeing anyone, I just thought—"

Touya groaned and shoved a hand through his dark hair. "Oh, God. I don't tell my little sister about my love life, Yuki." He didn't mean for that to sound harsh, but he was afraid it came out that way. "But, no, there's no way that you and I...." He let his words trail off just as Yukito's had, leaving the unspoken as it belonged. "I'm sorry." The words encompassed an enormity of meaning, from a simple apology for his earlier tone, to the deeper regret for the way that things had ended up between them.

"Yeah," Yukito replied with a sad little smile. "Me, too."

It really had been too long since they'd talked. And suddenly time was running out. There were things to be cleared up. Things that needed to be resolved. Or would it be better to leave those things in the past?

Touya had never thought it possible to be friends with someone he'd once loved. Experience had proven that out. But maybe part of it was his instinct for self-preservation kicking in. A way of compartmentalizing the pain, putting it in a box where he wouldn't have to deal with it. And when he closed himself off from those feelings, he denied himself the opportunity to keep people in his life. People he still cared about. It had happened once. He didn't want that to happen again.

"Maybe we _could_ get together and talk sometime. Over coffee or something. If you want."

"I'd like that," Yukito answered quietly, walking toward the door. "Sakura-chan has my number, so...." With his hand on the doorknob, he turned to face Touya once more. "You're really seeing someone?" Touya nodded, and Yukito sighed melodramatically before donning a wistful half-smile. "Good."

And with that, he was gone.

Touya stood there, looking at the door, thinking about everything they'd been through together. He couldn't go back to the past. He couldn't change anything. But even if he had the chance, he knew he wouldn't go back and change things. Everything that had happened had brought him here. _And this is where I'm supposed to be_.

The sounds of the piano interrupted his reverie, and he noticed that Tomoyo had moved on from the practice scales to a simple melody. He felt himself smiling as he walked back to the bedroom to see her.

Tomoyo heard Touya enter, but she didn't turn around, focusing instead on the sheet music in front of her. She didn't speak or acknowledge his presence in any way, except for a slight stiffening of her shoulders and the distracted clunking of a wrong note. She resumed playing as if the mistake was an intentional artistic decision.

"Well, that was interesting," Touya said, coming up behind her.

"Yes, I imagine it was," she said formally as the melody continued. She desperately wanted to ask what had happened. She wanted to know what they had talked about, but... was it any of her business? _It is if it concerns me_.

"Oh, you have no idea," he answered as he sat down on the bench beside her. She slid over to make room for him and resumed the song without meeting his eyes. He noticed her concerted effort not to touch him in any way, but he didn't force the issue. If something was wrong, he'd wait for her to confide in him. He found her place in the music and began following the melody with her, two octaves higher. When they reached the end of the phrase, he lifted his hands again. He looked at her, but she kept her distance, physically and emotionally. "He asked me out."

Tomoyo's fingers froze. "Oh?" she asked shakily. It had been just as bad as she'd imagined. She made her fingers keep moving. "That's nice. Are you going?" She hit another wrong note, and the more she tried to concentrate on the correct chords, the more mistakes she made.

"What? Of course not." _Well, not in a date sense_.

"I think you should. It's okay," she said. She'd been thinking about it in spite of her best efforts not to. She knew that Yukito had a history with Touya that she couldn't begin to compete with. They were bonded by magic. At least, that had been her interpretation of things, based on what Touya had told her and what she remembered from those days. Maybe they were always meant to get back together, and she was just a stop along their path.

"What do you mean, it's okay?" he asked. He probably should have started this conversation at the beginning, with Yukito's more important news, before bringing that up. But it had been at the forefront of his mind, and, besides, it had just been so absurd that he thought for sure she'd see it that way, too.

"I know how much you care about him, so it makes sense that you'd want to see him again."

Maybe it did, but that wasn't why he was considering it. "Tomoyo—"

"I just want you to be happy," she said as tears began to blur her vision. Her fingers kept clumsily pressing the keys, but the notes were all wrong now, and the melody had disintegrated into an uneven mess. But she had to keep going.

"Tomoyo." Touya stopped her hands, and she bowed her head, shaking it furiously. "Look at me."

This was it. This was where he was going to tell her that it was all over. She looked up at him, and her violet eyes glistened. "Do you still love him?" she asked, her voice breaking. Tears clung stubbornly to her long eyelashes, and she closed her eyes, trying futilely to blink them away.

"No," he answered sharply. He grasped her hands firmly. "How can you ask me that? I told you that I love you. I guess I don't know what that means to you, but it means a hell of a lot to me."

She met his brown eyes again, and she saw the truth of his words there. And she saw that he was hurt that she'd doubted his feelings for her. "It means everything," she whispered, choking back a sob. She felt the tears begin sliding down her cheeks, and she reached up to wipe them away. "I'm sorry. I love you so much, and I was afraid you were going to tell me that you didn't... that you wanted to..."

She was trembling, and he realized now what she'd been going through. "Oh, God," he said, wrapping his arms around her. "You've been torturing yourself, haven't you? You came over and found me with Yuki, and I didn't tell you why. So you've been sitting in here all by yourself, imagining the worst." He held her close and pressed his lips to her temple. "I'm so sorry, sweetheart," he murmured. "I should have said something. I didn't know he was coming over, and I know how it must have looked, but it was all perfectly innocent, and—"

"I know. I believe you," Tomoyo said softly, leaning against him. "It's okay." She brushed her face against his shoulder, drying her tears with his shirt. "And I'm sorry for crying. I never used to cry so much. Must be my teenage hormones, you know." She gave a self-conscious hiccup of a giggle, trying to bring some levity back.

Touya didn't say anything, and instead just held her, reassuring her with gentle caresses that she was the only one he wanted. He was always amazed by how good it felt to hold her. Well, maybe it was a little uncomfortable, sitting in a twisted position on the hard piano bench, but that didn't matter. He wasn't going to let her go for anything.

She let herself be comforted, even though her fears had been unfounded. His hands were slowly sliding up and down her back, and she could feel their warmth through the fabric of her summer dress. _I can't believe I let myself get so carried away. I know he loves me._ Her uneasiness faded away, and she wound her arms around him to return the embrace.

His hands sifted restlessly through the silken mass of her hair. She always left it down when she came over, knowing he liked it best that way. She was always thinking of him, doing things for him, making him feel loved. It had been a long time since someone so selfless had cared about him like that. With a heavy sigh, he realized he needed to tell her the rest of the story. "I probably will see him, though," he confessed quietly. "Just to talk. I think... we're going to try to be friends again."

"That's good," Tomoyo replied sincerely. "You need a best friend."

Touya shook his head and held her away from him so he could look into her eyes. "_You're_ my best friend," he corrected her. "I need _you_."

Before she could respond, he kissed her. He could taste the salty remains of her tears on her lips, and he vowed never to make her cry again. She meant too much to him, and he hated that she'd been so upset. He moved his lips over her cheek, tenderly lapping up the damp trail that still stained her porcelain skin. She made a faint murmur of pleasure from his sweet attention, and the sound vibrated in his soul, stirring something deep within him. When his mouth found hers again, it wasn't just about consoling her anymore. He was baring his need, holding nothing back.

She felt a wave of heat unfurl, washing over her from the top of her head to the tips of her toes as his kiss became more passionate, and she eagerly sunk into the delicious headiness of it. When she opened her mouth wider, his tongue swept inside with aggressive, possessive strokes. Her heart was beating in double-time, and when she placed a hand against his chest, she could feel his doing the same. Her other hand laid against his cheek, feeling the flexing of his muscles as his mouth slanted back and forth over hers, and she found herself kissing him back with a skill and ardor that probably should have shocked her.

It did shock _him_, making every one of his excited nerves tingle and sending a pounding rush of blood to parts best not thought about. With great difficulty, he remembered himself and reluctantly dragged his lips away from hers. Disappointment was evident in her shining eyes, but she smiled sweetly at him before nestling into his embrace once again. He closed his eyes and let out another long sigh, feeling an odd and conflicting combination of contentment and frustration. Of calm and... terror.

Relationships always brought out the best and worst in him. There were those times when he was strong and supportive, and those times when he was lost and insecure. And in the past, it had seemed to him that the balance of give and take was off, with him giving more than he received. Not that it bothered him, because for him, love was about giving all he could to the people he cared about. Now, for the first time, he felt that things were equal.

But that might not be enough. Seeing Yukito had just brought all those old fears out again. Twice before in his life he'd fallen for someone, and he'd been devastated when it ended. Both times it was out of the blue, catching him completely unprepared and shattering his illusions of peace and perfection. He'd sworn he wouldn't go through that again. By the ripe old age of twenty-three, he'd almost given up on love. Now that he had it, he needed a guarantee against any future pain. If they could stay in this place, in this moment....

But love was a risk, not a guarantee. The only guarantee was that the inevitable would come to pass.

Touya drew a shuddering breath as he buried his face against her shoulder, feeling the soft tendrils of her lavender hair gently caressing him. "I love you, Tomoyo. I love you so damn much." He held her tightly and let himself be surrounded by the delicate scent of her lilac perfume. "Don't ever leave me," he whispered hoarsely.

Tomoyo reached up to comb her fingers through his thick brown hair. She wished she knew what he was thinking, but she wouldn't press. What he needed was her love, and that was what she would give him, for as long as he wanted it. "I won't," she promised.

-----

Well, I don't know about this one. Maybe you'll tell me what you thought. Thanks again to everyone for reading.


	16. A Rather Large Pest

L-chan's notes: Thanks so much to everyone who has read and reviewed so far. I hope you all enjoy this new chapter and feel it was worth the wait.

Disclaimer: See Chapter 1.

Shadows

Chapter 16—A Rather Large Pest

There was so much racket coming from downstairs that Tomoyo wondered if the circus was being held in the living room. She left her bedroom and leaned over the balustrade to find out what the commotion was all about. In the foyer, her mother's black-suited escorts were carrying in Sonomi's expensive designer luggage and other assorted parcels, while Sonomi was simultaneously carrying on a heated business call and directing specific orders about where things needed to go as they were brought inside.

"Okaa-sama!"

Sonomi looked up to see her daughter excitedly skipping down the stairs, just like she used to do when she was a little girl, rather than descending in the demure fashion of a young lady just days away from her seventeenth birthday. "Tomoyo!" Sonomi abruptly hung up on her hapless subordinate and spread her arms to receive Tomoyo's enthusiastic hug. "I missed you, darling," she said softly as she held her daughter close.

"Me, too. You were gone forever," Tomoyo replied, stepping back and composing herself properly. She didn't usually greet her mother with such emotion. Sonomi was often away on business, and regularly worked long hours besides. It wasn't unusual for Tomoyo to go days without seeing her for more than a few minutes, or even simply sharing a meal together. Still, the house had seemed so lonely the past month, and there was something familiar and comforting about having her mother nearby. "So, what did you bring me?" she asked with a mischievous grin.

Sonomi rolled her violet eyes and huffed in annoyance. "Tomoyo, I was working. Not shopping. Honestly, all you ever think about are such frivolities." Her exasperated expression quickly faltered, and she flashed a grin of her own. "It's possible that I did find a few spare moments to check out some of the boutiques. But you'll just have to wait until your birthday to find out."

She was about to say something else when her cell phone rang again. She looked at the display and grumbled under her breath before tossing the phone to her assistant. "No more calls for the rest of the day. I mean it," she added emphatically when the younger woman hesitated. "I'm tired, and hungry, and I haven't seen my daughter in a month. Everything else can wait until I go into the office tomorrow. Right now, all I want is a hot bath and a cup of tea. Please bring a tray upstairs." This last order was directed at the maid, who nodded before heading to the kitchen.

Sonomi turned toward the stairs, gesturing for Tomoyo to follow her. "Now, you'll tell me all about your summer while I soak so I can forget about that horrible, horrible flight."

Once satisfyingly ensconced in a steaming bathtub with a cup of tea and honey in her hands and a cooling mask over her tired eyes, Sonomi let out a long sigh. "This is more like it." She blindly reached out to Tomoyo, who was sitting on a stool nearby. She found the girl's knee and gave it a squeeze. "Did you get much work done while I was away?"

Tomoyo had been daydreaming as she poured her own cup of tea, so her answer was one of confusion mixed with distraction. "What do you mean?"

"You said you were going to spend the summer studying, remember?"

_Now I do_. "Yes. There was the regular homework, of course. And I also worked on maths and English. I found some study guides for the exams at the library, but I haven't gotten around to those yet."

"Well, you still have plenty of time. But it's always good to be prepared. The business program doesn't accept just anybody, and being my daughter will only get you so far. The rest will be up to you."

Tomoyo flinched at the reminder that she was expected to follow in her mother's footsteps. She considered bringing up her own goals, but they would probably be disregarded with mild irritation. Touya had told her that she needed to be firmer with her mother and make her own plans known rather than meekly acquiescing, but it wasn't that easy. She'd have to give Sonomi a day or two to recover from her travels before bringing it up again. Plus, that would give her time to construct her argument.

So, she shelved that subject in the back of her mind for the time being. "Did I tell you that Sakura-chan went to Hong Kong for a week?" She knew her mother's mood could be greatly improved by any mention of Nadeshiko's daughter.

"She did?" There was more than a hint of passing interest in Sonomi's voice.

"With Li-kun and Meiling-chan," Tomoyo added, although that much was obvious. Sakura wouldn't just go on her own for no reason. "They had a really good time. And Li-kun's sisters kept trying to convince Sakura-chan to stay. His family just adores her."

That was the wrong thing to say. Sonomi huffed and turned her thawing eye mask over. "I hope she's not getting too serious. Sakura-chan shouldn't be thinking about such things. She's much too young to be planning a future around some boy. And wouldn't we all miss her if she moved away? No, I don't think that's a good idea at all."

Tomoyo silently stirred more milk into her cup of tea. She couldn't tell her mother the whole story. Of how Sakura and Syaoran were brought together in the first place, about how every prophecy pointed to their destinies being entwined.... "Well, she does love him," was all she could offer.

"And that's very nice," Sonomi replied sincerely, if a bit skeptically. "But love is a fickle thing. You can't base important life decisions on it. It's simply not practical."

"Yes, Okaa-sama," Tomoyo answered with automatic respect, lowering her eyes guiltily, even though her mother couldn't see her. _Is that true?_ Maybe life decisions shouldn't be based on love alone. It wasn't something you could count on always being there. But was life without love worth it? Was there anything more important? If she didn't have someone to love, whether that person felt the same way or not, then what would drive her? What good was success if it came with loneliness?

But she couldn't just ask her mother these things. It would open a locked box filled with resentment for the way things had gone, and she knew that Sonomi's success _was_ what drove her. That, and the well-being of her daughter, were the two most important things in her life. If not for that, she would fall apart. Tomoyo wasn't sure if she alone would be enough to make her mother happy. _Everyone has something different, something that makes their life complete. For her, it's work. For me, it's—_

"I know there's not much time, but I'm sure I can pull a few strings and get everything ready by Saturday."

_Saturday_? "What for?"

Sonomi removed her eye mask and gave Tomoyo a pointed look. "Weren't you listening?"

"I'm sorry, Okaa-sama. I was thinking about something."

Sonomi reached out and took Tomoyo's hand. "I know I'm not around much, so I said I wanted to make it up to you by having a big birthday celebration on Saturday."

Tomoyo shook her head. "Oh, no, that's not necessary. And, besides—"

"I know I can get a caterer, because someone owes me a huge favor—don't ask. And you can invite whomever you want. We'll have it in the backyard, in the garden, and I may be able to—"

"Thank you, but that's just too much. I'd rather have a quiet dinner with a few friends."

"You're sure?" Tomoyo nodded, and Sonomi nodded in return. "That _would_ be much easier, and, if it's what you want.... You'll be inviting Sakura-chan, of course."

"Of course," Tomoyo echoed. "And Meiling-chan and Li-kun, and Kinomoto-sensei and Touya-sensei."

Sonomi repeated the names, ticking them off on her fingers. "That's it?"

"Yes, that's it. Just the people closest to me. That's all I want."

"Well, okay." Tomoyo was surprised that her mother didn't protest the inclusion of Fujitaka or question her request that Touya be invited. As Sakura's family, and as their family, too, it made a certain kind of sense to invite them. Or maybe Sonomi was simply just too tired to think much about it right now. "So, make up a menu of what you'd like for dinner, and I'll take care of the rest, okay?"

"Okay," Tomoyo answered with a bright smile. That was much easier than she thought it would be.

-----

"Time's up. Make sure I have your lab sheets. And if I were you, I'd prepare for a quiz on Monday. That's the only warning you're likely to get, so heed it wisely. Class dismissed."

Most of the students filed out of the science lab, making their way back to Class 2-C's homeroom for history class. A couple of boys stayed behind to ask Touya about the lab assignment, and Tomoyo remained sitting at her table, pretending to make a note about Monday's quiz. She kept glancing up innocently until the boys finally got whatever answer they needed and left the lab.

Only the two of them were left in the room, and she knew that Touya's next hour was his free period, so no one else should be coming in. She casually walked up to his desk and waited patiently for him to notice her.

He finished shuffling through the lab sheets and stuffed them in a folder. "Did you need something, Daidouji?" he asked offhandedly, not looking up.

"You're still coming tonight, right?" she said quietly.

Now he looked at her, then quickly cast his brown eyes toward the open door. "Of course. Seven o'clock?"

"Or earlier," Tomoyo answered as the corners of her mouth twitched in a secret smile. He shook his head, feigning a stern expression, but she just giggled. "Fine. Seven. But not a minute later."

"Deal." Touya absently pushed up his glasses and flashed her a knowing grin. "Anything else?"

She tilted her head in thought before touching her index finger to her lips, a private signal that meant she owed him a kiss. His dark eyes focused on her lips briefly, and when he raised them to meet her violet gaze again, he held up two fingers. "Two?"

"You did that at the beginning of class, too."

"I didn't think you noticed."

"I always notice. Now, hurry and get to your next class. I'll see you tonight." She nodded, clutching her books to her chest as she turned to go. "Oh, and, Daidouji?" She stopped and regarded him expectantly. He gave her a wink, accompanied by a sexy smile that made her heart flip. "Happy birthday."

-----

Tomoyo had been more than a little worried about Touya coming to her house. Not that he hadn't been before, but that was before things had gotten serious between them. Being at school together was one thing. There was enough else going on to keep them focused on work, and the distance they had to maintain as student and teacher was easier when reinforced by the actual school environment. Now, the environment was going to be much smaller, and that could only magnify everything that was going on, right?

She'd been worried for nothing. Touya, either intentionally or not, had been the last to arrive, even though he'd made it a few minutes before seven. She didn't have to be alone with him and her mother, carefully measuring every word she said. Even so, as she watched him engage in a polite conversation with Sonomi and Fujitaka, she felt a guilty weight settle in her stomach, and she tried to ignore it. _Someday, we're going to have to tell her. She's sure to catch on eventually, anyway, especially if we get married and have children._ That thought came completely out of nowhere, and she felt a huge smile threaten to spread across her face. She hid the beginnings of it by pretending to take a sip from her drink.

"Dinner will be served at eight," Sonomi was saying to everyone now. "So, how about some gifts first?"

Tomoyo beamed again, although she wanted to appear modest before her guests. Of course, she liked presents, but simply having everyone here was what she wanted most. She didn't protest, though, when her mother pulled out several boxes professionally wrapped in designer paper and set them among the other packages.

"You all really didn't have to," Tomoyo said demurely, blushing at the attention.

"Oh, well, in that case...." Syaoran picked up the box he and Meiling had brought and made as if to leave. Everyone laughed, even Touya, and at that moment, Tomoyo's world was perfect. All the people she loved were here, and everyone was happy. That was the best present she could have received.

"Now, Syaoran, I don't know why you would want to keep that," Meiling chastised. She took the box from her cousin and handed it to Tomoyo. "From both of us," she explained.

Inside was a beautiful red blouse made from the finest Chinese silk, exquisitely embroidered at the collar and cuffs with tiny black flowers. "It's gorgeous," Tomoyo exclaimed breathlessly. "Thank you so much." She hugged both of them, giggling at Syaoran's obvious embarrassment.

Sakura handed Tomoyo a smaller, narrow box. "From me," she said cheerily. "And you-know-who," she added in a low whisper. Naturally, Sonomi didn't know about Kero, so he'd obediently stayed home after securing a promise from his mistress for an extra-large slice of birthday cake.

The box contained a necklace with a pale blue stone. At least, Tomoyo thought it was blue, until she held it up to her purple dress. Then the stone changed to a subtle amethyst color.

"That's quite extraordinary," Sonomi said, astonished. "How did it do that?"

A series of anxious glances passed around the room. "Um... magic?" Sakura answered with a nervous laugh.

"It's really beautiful," Tomoyo said quickly, before her mother could ask any more about it. "Thank you, and Kero-chan, too," she whispered, hugging her dear friend. Sakura nodded as she returned the hug.

The boxes from her mother did indeed come from a shopping trip to an expensive designer boutique, just as the wrapping gave away. Tomoyo had already received some smaller gifts at breakfast, so she wasn't expecting more. There was a simple yet sophisticated black dress, with matching high-heeled shoes and a beaded clutch purse, and perfect pearl-drop earrings.

"Oh, Okaa-sama!"

"Every woman needs a perfect black dress," Sonomi said. "But it's the accessories that make it."

"And now we know where Tomoyo-chan got her... _remarkable_ fashion sense," Meiling joked as Tomoyo hugged her mother.

"You can never have too many accessories, right, Tomoyo-chan?" Sakura added with a teasing grin. It was obvious she was referring to the elaborate costumes Tomoyo used to make her wear.

"I'm never going to live that down, am I?" Tomoyo asked, blushing even as she giggled. "Give me a break. I was ten. I think my tastes have improved."

Syaoran shot a quick glance at Touya. "If you say so," he muttered. Sakura, misinterpreting his remark, gently elbowed him in the ribs. He made a big show of being injured, but she just rolled her green eyes at him.

Next, Fujitaka handed Tomoyo a flat box. She hadn't expected a gift from him, too. "You really shouldn't have," she said shyly.

"That's the point, though, isn't it?" he replied.

She hesitated only briefly before opening the package. Inside were two notebooks. As she flipped through the pages, she saw they were printed with musical staffs, and in many cases, the staffs were covered with notes, ranging from short phrases to full passages, sometimes with lyrics printed neatly underneath. The second book was similar, but most of the pages of staffs were still blank.

"They belonged to Nadeshiko-san," Fujitaka explained when Tomoyo looked up at him. "Songs she wrote. She didn't finish all of them, but...." His words trailed off as he seemed to get lost in a memory. Then he gave her a warm smile. "She'd want you to have them."

Tomoyo didn't know what to say. That he would trust her with such a treasure, something that had to hold such meaning for him.... She closed the notebook and ran her fingers along the spine, imagining how Nadeshiko might have hummed as she composed the melodies. "Thank you," she said softly. It didn't seem like enough, but he just nodded, still wearing that same serene smile.

"That's incredibly generous of you, sensei," Sonomi said sincerely, taking the notebooks from Tomoyo and looking through them with a wistful expression. It was clear she'd been just as touched by his gesture.

Touya stood up and reached into his suit pocket. "I guess that leaves me," he said, breaking the quiet that had settled over the room.

"Oh, no, you didn't—" Tomoyo started to protest, but he held an envelope out to her anyway.

"I know. I didn't have to. I shouldn't have. I think we all get the point by now, Daidouji," he joked. "So, take it."

She slit open the seal and found two tickets inside. Sakura leaned close to Tomoyo for a better look, incredibly curious about what sort of gift her brother would give her friend. "Wow, box seats," Sakura breathed. "Those must have been really expensive."

"Not really," Touya said dismissively. "Besides, you mentioned once that you liked the symphony, so, I just thought...."

But Sakura was right. Seats like these were very expensive, and Tomoyo felt a little uncomfortable taking such a gift from him. He gave her so much as it was, things that she couldn't put a price on. He didn't need to spend all this money on her, too. "I do," she answered, "but, really, these are too much."

"Actually, Yamura-sensei knows someone on the board, so she got me a good deal," Touya said. "Don't worry about it. Take someone with you and have a good time, okay?"

Both of them were trying to treat this as a casual thing. It wasn't a secret that they had been spending time together in the form of innocent piano lessons or group outings, but only Meiling and Fujitaka knew that there was more to it than that.

Tomoyo handed one of the tickets back to Touya. "The only way I can accept these is if you go with me," she said. Her voice was steady, her tone formal, but the look in her eyes said that she knew he'd planned it this way. It had taken her a moment to figure it out, that this was a way for them to have a real date without arousing suspicion. "Please? I insist."

"If it's all right with your mother," he answered, looking now at Sonomi.

Sonomi's violet eyes blinked as she glanced back and forth between the two of them. She understood that they'd formed a sort of friendship over the past few months, so there wasn't really anything to object to. "Yes, it's fine," she finally answered.

"Well, okay, then," Touya said, grinning as he tucked the ticket back inside his jacket. "Thanks." Tomoyo smiled sweetly at him in return, then ducked her head quickly before anyone could read more into her expression.

There were still a few more minutes before dinner would be served, so everyone fell back into conversation again. Sakura brought out a photo album from her trip to Hong Kong, and Tomoyo relinquished her place on the sofa so that her mother could see the pictures better. Sakura and Meiling kept correcting each other when telling stories about the trip, and Syaoran broke in occasionally to correct both of them. Sonomi asked plenty of questions and laughed at Sakura's enthusiastic explanations.

Tomoyo had seen the pictures and heard the stories before, so her attention wandered to the other side of the room, where Touya and his father were discussing something quietly. She saw Touya glance in her direction briefly as he spoke, and then Fujitaka did the same, nodding in response to whatever Touya had said. A heated blush spread over her cheeks, since they were obviously talking about her, and she tried to look away casually, but it was too late.

Touya approached her chair and bent down beside her. "Do you think I could talk to you for a minute?" he whispered, so close to her ear that it made her shiver. "Alone?"

Her violet eyes immediately slid over to her mother, who was still focused on the pictures, and then to Fujitaka, who waved his hand almost imperceptibly, signaling that he would cover for them. "All right," Tomoyo answered softly.

She led him down the hall to her mother's office where they wouldn't be disturbed. She closed the heavy door behind them and engaged the lock. "What is it?" she asked, still whispering, even though no one could hear.

"I have something else for you," he said, reaching into his pocket again. "But I thought it would be best to give it to you privately."

In his hand was a small, square box. Tomoyo stared at it, feeling her heart thump wildly as she realized what it had to be. _I'm not ready for this. What am I going to say? _She took the box from him with trembling hands, not daring to look at him as she slowly removed the lid.

Inside was a ring. A large, gold-toned, split ring, with a large, gold-toned, piano-shaped pendant dangling from it.

A keyring.

"Oh," she said, her voice laced with disappointment. She hated how ungrateful she sounded, and she tried to give him a bright smile. "It's cute. Thank you."

"You were expecting something else."

"No," she answered quickly. "No, of course not." _But I was. For a minute, I was, and I was excited about it._

"Yes, you were," Touya teased. "But don't you think it's a little soon for that sort of thing?"

Just for that, she took the keyring from the box and slid it onto her finger. It hung heavily, weighing down her hand. "It must be, if you don't even know what my ring size is," she teased back.

"Wait. That's not the whole present," he said, pulling something else from his apparently bottomless pocket. She wouldn't be surprised if he started pulling rabbits out of his sleeves next. "Here."

"The key to your heart?" Tomoyo joked as he slid it onto the ring for her.

"No. To my place." Touya gave the ring a little shake so that the silver key jangled against the charm. "So you can come over whenever you want, or if you beat me there from school, you can let yourself in. I don't want you to have any excuse not to see me."

"So, basically, it's a present for you."

"Well, yeah. Happy birthday." She laughed, and as his smiling eyes stayed on hers, she automatically touched her index finger to her lips. "That's three now, you know," he reminded her.

"Then I should probably pay up before I get any further into debt," she answered as the space between them disappeared. She stood on her toes and placed her hands on his broad shoulders. "One," she said, lightly brushing her lips over his. "Two," she whispered, her lips lingering a little longer this time, and her tongue flicking over his upper lip. "Thr—" His arms closed around her, and she let him turn her teasing pecks into a soul-stirring kiss.

The keyring hit the carpet with a soft _plink_, but neither of them noticed.

-----

All through dinner, Touya became more and more uncomfortable. The evening had been perfectly pleasant, and everyone had gotten along better than usual. He couldn't even find the desire to torment Syaoran. It was Tomoyo's day, and he didn't want to do anything to spoil her happiness.

_Which makes my decision that much more difficult._

He needed to tell Sonomi what was going on between him and Tomoyo. The longer it went on, the more it would feel like he was betraying her trust. He'd had an excuse before. While she was overseas, he didn't have to worry about her. Even though he knew she'd be back eventually, that he'd have to face her, he'd been lulled into a false sense of security. Now, that was gone, and he was left with reality.

_Maybe after cake and coffee. _

But then the cake and coffee were served, and time seemed to fly by as if in a race, and he was losing. He remained quiet as everyone else talked, observing them all cautiously as his mind debated the wisdom of doing this tonight. At one end of the table, his father was discussing business with Sonomi, and she didn't display any of the hostility he knew she once held, and maybe still did, to some small degree. Over the past few years, she'd started to let herself actually like his family. It had taken time, but it was still progress. That could only work in his favor, right?

Sakura, Syaoran, Meiling, and Tomoyo all sat in the middle of the table, talking about a school assignment of some kind. Touya tried to act like he was paying attention, but he didn't hear a word any of them said. He needlessly stirred his black coffee, tapping his spoon restlessly against the rim before immersing it in the liquid again for another spin around the cup. Tomoyo looked over at him, and he wondered if she'd noticed his odd behavior. He flashed her a careless smile, which she returned as she took a bite of chocolate cake before answering whatever it was that Sakura had asked her.

Everyone was almost finished. Cake plates were nearly empty, and coffee cups were receiving a final refill. Eventually, it would be time to go home. If he was going to say anything, he needed to do it soon.

"Sonomi-san?"

The room suddenly became very quiet. Touya was aware of everyone looking at him, and he realized that he was the one who had spoken.

"Yes?"

"May I speak with you for a moment, please?" They were all still looking at him as if he'd sprouted a third arm.

Sonomi pushed her chair back and stood up from the table. "Certainly," she said, but there was confusion in her voice.

He followed her to her office, the same room where he'd kissed her daughter less than two hours ago. _I have to do this_, he reminded himself. _I can't lie to her_. If he wanted a future with Tomoyo, it couldn't start with them keeping secrets from her mother. He had her trust, and he needed to keep it. Maybe she'd even respect him for his honesty. _Yeah, and maybe the ground will just open up and swallow me before I can say anything stupid. There's never an earthquake when you really need one_.

Sonomi closed the office door, but she didn't lock it as Tomoyo had. "Well?" she said, spreading her arms in an expectant gesture.

This now seemed like a very bad, bad idea. "I need to tell you something," he stalled.

"Yes, what is it?" she asked impatiently, crossing her arms in front of her.

_Don't do this. Come up with something else, anything else_. But his mind went blank. Even the words he had rehearsed for the past month left him. "You asked me to tell you if any 'pests' started getting close to Tomoyo," he said in a somewhat stilted manner. The words were out. There would be no turning back now. He hoped he was prepared for her reaction as he continued. "So, that's what I'm doing. I need you to know that she's caught the attention of a rather large pest."

Sonomi's expression changed to show that she recalled their conversation, and her violet eyes flashed angrily before narrowing at him. "Who is it?" She looked ready to kill.

Bracing himself for the worst, Touya took a deep breath and answered. "Me."

-----

I'm sorry... was that evil?


	17. Confessions and Confrontations

L-chan's notes: Yeah, I guess that was a little bit evil. But if you're reading this, then it must have worked. Thanks for coming back.

Disclaimer: See Chapter 1.

Shadows

Chapter 17—Confessions and Confrontations

"I wonder what that's all about."

No one at the dining table shed any light on Sakura's musings. They were all silently asking themselves the same thing. The honey-haired girl sighed and looked over at her troubled friend. "Tomoyo-chan, you're not failing chemistry, are you?" she tried to tease. Everyone seemed so somber, and her joke fell flatter than a punctured balloon.

"I don't think so," Tomoyo answered absently. _What_ is _that about?_ she wondered. Her eyes traveled down to the end of the table, where Fujitaka was frowning into his coffee cup. When he met her questioning gaze, he gave her a reassuring smile, but it only made her more nervous.

There was only one conceivable reason why Touya would need to speak to her mother. _He wouldn't_, she told herself with a certainty she didn't quite feel. _Not without talking to me first. No, of course he wouldn't._

But what else could it be?

-----

Touya took a quick mental inventory. All of his vital body parts were accounted for. His heart was still beating, and his lungs were still breathing. He clenched and unclenched his fist, feeling his nerves and muscles work just as they should. Everything seemed to be in order. He was still alive.

Sonomi was regarding him with a blank expression. She didn't even blink as she processed what he'd just confessed. "I don't understand," she finally said. There was confusion in her violet eyes that matched that in her voice.

That threw him. He wasn't expecting to have to explain. "I've been spending a lot of time with Tomoyo lately," he faltered.

"Yes, I know that."

"And we've become... close."

"Close."

"_Very_ close."

"_Very_ close," she repeated again. There was still no sign that she knew where he was going with this.

"And...." Touya could only assume that Sonomi was either in shock or denial about what he was trying to tell her. "And I've fallen in love with her." There. He couldn't say it any more plainly than that.

Sonomi didn't move. She didn't blink, or breathe, or raise her hand to strike him. "But...." He could see her putting the pieces together, but they weren't matching up, no matter which way she turned them. She shook her head as if to clear it and tried again. "But... you're gay."

Now it was Touya's turn to be confused. "No, I'm not," he answered slowly.

"Of course you are," she insisted with an emphatic nod. Her voice had found its strength and assurance again. "You and that nice young man with the glasses. I met him at your house a couple of times. I could tell that there was something between you two."

"You mean Yuki?" He was starting to make sense of this now. "Yuki was... an exception. He was special. But that ended a long time ago." He couldn't go into all of the reasons for that. Like the fact that, technically, Yukito wasn't even human. But Touya had never thought of him as anything but Yukito. He had loved Yukito for who he was, just as he loved Tomoyo for who she was.

"So, you're not...?" Sonomi's musings drifted off, and her violet eyes shifted to the side.

"No, not really." He felt his own puzzle pieces click into place. "That's why you trusted me?" he asked. "Because you thought I didn't like girls?"

"I guess I just assumed," she said quietly, still speaking to herself more than to him. "I mean, well, considering... I never thought you might be—" She raised her eyes to him now, and they once again flashed with anger. "What have you done to her?" she asked, a harsh edge to her voice.

"Nothing," he answered quickly. "We're just—"

Now she didn't want to hear it. "How could you?" Her voice was as hard and cold as steel, but her tone was unflinchingly even. Sonomi didn't lose her temper often, preferring to remain calm and rational, but this was about her daughter. Her precious daughter, who had been corrupted by a man. "I told you I didn't want this. Tomoyo's future is too important. I don't want her getting mixed up with anyone. Especially _you_."

"_Especially_ me?" Touya said, making his tone hard as well. He didn't lose his temper often either, but he was not going to stand there and have his character besmirched. He was a decent person, but in her eyes, his unforgivable flaw was being male. "What's wrong with me?"

Sonomi held up a finger like she was prepared to tick off a long list of his shortcomings. "First of all, you lied to me."

"I never lied to you," he explained, trying to remain calm. "Not exactly. You knew she was seeing me outside of school, and you never objected. Besides, you weren't even here when—"

"Don't interrupt," Sonomi snapped. "Secondly, you show disrespect by not only lying, betraying my trust, and interrupting me when I'm speaking, but by coming into my home under false pretenses."

Touya could only look back at her in stunned silence. "What?" he finally bit out.

"Third," she continued, raising another finger and gesturing rudely at him with it. "You obviously don't understand that I only want what's best for Tomoyo, and there's no way that you could possibly ever be—"

Touya couldn't let her go on like this. It was bordering on ridiculous. "So, I was good enough to look out for her, but nothing more. Is that what you're saying?" Her refusal to answer was an answer in itself. "I care about her. I love her more than anything. What more could you want?"

"That's not what I want at all!" she spat. Her arms were at her sides, but she was shaking slightly, and he knew she would have loved to smack him across the face. "Did you listen to a word I said? This isn't about you. It's about Tomoyo. And I refuse to let her—"

"I'm sorry, Sonomi-san," he said, interrupting yet again despite the murderous glare she shot his way. "But I don't see how you can claim to want the best for your daughter when you don't ever consider her feelings. Tomoyo does everything she can to make you happy. God forbid she should make _herself_ happy by doing what she wants for once in her life."

She recoiled as if he had slapped her. "How dare you?" she seethed. "How dare you come into my house and speak to me like that?"

She was right. He had gone too far. He'd felt like he was being attacked, and he'd defended himself by lashing back at her. It was definitely the wrong approach. But he meant every word, and he was not about to take any of it back. "I'm sorry," he said again, but his tone was anything but apologetic. "I'm sorry that you don't know your daughter at all. And you don't know me, either. But you're right. This isn't about me, is it?"

"Get out," Sonomi said with quiet vehemence. It was obvious that Touya's words had struck a chord. When he made no move to leave, she repeated her command. "Get out of my house now, or I'll be on the phone with everyone in a position of authority at Seijou so fast that you'll find yourself without a job by the time you get home. I'll give you five seconds, and then I'll have you escorted out."

This had gone worse than he could have possibly imagined. He'd gone about this all wrong from the very beginning. There wasn't anything he could say now without making it worse, without giving her more reasons to lock Tomoyo away in an ivory tower for the rest of her life.

So Touya did what Sonomi asked. He turned on his heel and left her office, heading for the front door without saying good-bye to anyone.

-----

Tomoyo heard the front door shut with a loud _click_. It was as close to slamming the heavy door as one could get without actually slamming it. She felt a wave of dread pass over her. Something was very, very wrong.

Her mother reappeared in the dining room looking fit to kill. "Tomoyo," she said calmly. Too calmly. It meant that she was just barely in control of her anger. "Say good night to your guests, and then wait in my office."

This was bad. _What have I done? What did Touya say to her?_ "Thank you for coming, everyone," Tomoyo said politely as she stood up from the table. She couldn't meet her mother's gaze and instead stared at a point behind her. This wasn't how her birthday was supposed to turn out.

Everyone else remained seated, looking back at her silently. "Tomoyo-chan?" Sakura finally ventured, but a look from her father kept her from saying anything else.

Sonomi caught the look, and she turned on Fujitaka immediately. "You knew about this, didn't you?" She didn't give him a chance to answer. "Oh, I should have known. Fraternizing with a student. How very Kinomoto of him. You probably even encouraged it."

"Now, Sonomi-kun," Fujitaka began, holding up his hands to placate her.

"Don't 'Sonomi-kun' me," she snapped. "I'm forty years old, dammit." She noticed her daughter still standing behind her chair. "In my office, Tomoyo. I'm not kidding."

"Did you even listen to him, Sonomi-ku—san?" Fujitaka asked now. "My son is a good man, and he only wants to make Tomoyo-san happy."

It was the first time the significance of Touya and Tomoyo's relationship had been acknowledged out loud, and Sakura gasped as she realized what was going on. "Tomoyo-chan?" she said again, but Tomoyo just shook her head as she left the room.

Sakura then looked at Syaoran and Meiling, expecting to see the same shock on their faces, but they didn't seem to be surprised by this news. "Did everyone know but me?" she asked, feeling a little anger of her own now. When Meiling nodded sheepishly, Sakura cast her green eyes to the boy next to her. "Syaoran-kun?"

"I didn't really know," Syaoran mumbled awkwardly. "But I guessed. They seemed to be pretty friendly."

"I can't believe no one told me," Sakura said, her voice wavering.

"Now you know how I feel," Sonomi replied harshly, still glaring at Fujitaka. "I assume you all can find your way out."

He looked as if he wanted to say something, but he knew that this wasn't the time. Sonomi needed to get over the initial shock before she'd be ready to discuss this rationally. "Thank you for dinner," he said, maintaining his polite demeanor even in the face of such hostility. He was certainly used to it. "Come on, kids, I'll take you home."

-----

Tomoyo paced back and forth in her mother's office, wondering just how much trouble she was in. She kept moving, afraid that if she didn't focus on that activity, she might find herself so upset that she'd start shaking, and she might not stop. What had her mother said to Touya to make him leave like that, without even saying good night?

She knew she wasn't allowed to date. That was one rule she'd broken, although, technically, her mother had given her permission to see Touya. It was for piano lessons or studying for chemistry, which they did most of the time. At first, anyway. But with her mother away for the summer, it had been easier to turn those short visits into several hours with him. And just because they'd almost always stayed in didn't mean they weren't dating.

When Sonomi entered the office, Tomoyo had never felt smaller. It was as if she were four years old again and being punished for drawing all over her mother's important business contracts. But back then, she hadn't known any better. She didn't have that excuse any more.

"I'm very disappointed in you, Tomoyo," her mother began. And the disappointment was in her voice, more so than any anger. "I don't even know where to start."

Tomoyo remained silent. Her hands were clasped behind her back, and she stared down at her slippered feet. She didn't know where to begin, either. An apology would sound insincere, excuses would get her in more trouble, and the truth was already out. She hated feeling like this, like a penitent child, when she should be standing up for herself like an adult. She'd always been intimidated by her mother, and so intent on pleasing her to avoid scenes like this. She'd spent her life doing what Sonomi wanted her to do, what would make Sonomi happy, and now, when she'd followed her own desires, she'd failed her mother.

Sonomi folded her arms and looked at her abashed daughter. "What do you have to say for yourself?" she asked coolly.

"I don't know what you want me to say," Tomoyo replied quietly.

"I want you to say that everything I learned tonight is some elaborate joke. That you are not carrying on with your teacher." Her daughter didn't answer, because of course it was all true. "Then tell me that he somehow forced you into it."

"He wouldn't do that," Tomoyo protested feebly, and she hated herself for sounding so weak. _Grow up_, she reprimanded herself. _Don't let her treat you like a child_.

"Then, what, Tomoyo?" Sonomi shook her head, causing her long auburn bangs to fall into her eyes, and she pushed them back with a sigh of irritation. "Honestly, what were you thinking? It's not enough that you had to break my rules, the rules I'd set to protect you—"

"To protect me?" Tomoyo repeated skeptically. That was better. She looked her mother in the eye with defiance and confidence, even if she didn't quite feel those things. "What are you protecting me from? From the world? From growing up?"

"What is that supposed to mean?"

"It means that you think you're protecting me, but you're not. You tell me what to do and plan my life. How am I supposed to learn how to be an adult when you make all of my decisions for me? It isn't fair." Those words had been hiding inside Tomoyo for so long, but she'd always been afraid to confront her mother. It was like a dam had burst, and now everything was going to come pouring out.

"I have never heard anything so ungrateful in all my life," Sonomi said, and a tremor of shock was in her voice. "I love you, Tomoyo, and I only want what's—"

"What's best for me. Yes, I know. That's what you always say. But do you have any idea how that makes me feel? It's like you don't trust me enough to live my own life. Like you don't think I'm smart enough." It felt good to say that. Even in the context of this discussion, it gave her strength to finally say exactly how she felt.

"When you exercise such poor judgment, it's no wonder. I thought you knew better."

"Knew better than what? Than to go against what you want, instead of doing what I want?" Tomoyo shook her head. "I'm sorry, Okaa-sama. I won't always be what you want me to be or do what you want me to do. Not when it comes to things that are so important to me."

"Is that what this is about?" Sonomi asked, missing her daughter's point. "Some sort of teenage rebellion against your horrible, wicked mother?"

"It's not about that at all!" Tomoyo cried in frustration.

"Don't take that tone with me. What happened to the respectful daughter I raised?"

"She grew up," Tomoyo shot back. Her mother just wasn't hearing her. "Why is that so hard for you to accept?"

"Because clearly I can't trust your judgment, Tomoyo. You lied to me. You broke the rules. And while you're in my house, you will do as I say. It's for your own good."

Tomoyo had never seen her mother so upset or heard her say such harsh things. They might have had disagreements in the past, but Tomoyo had always relented in order to please her mother. Never had an argument gone this far. She'd never given Sonomi a reason not to trust her, but with this one choice, it was as if all the trust she'd earned was suddenly and unfairly lost. And by speaking up for herself, instead of gaining her mother's respect, she was being admonished.

"You are not to see him again. Do you understand me?" Sonomi had brought her own voice back down to a more reasonable level, but there was still an authoritative edge to her words.

"But, Okaa-sama, I'll have to see him at school."

"Not if I have anything to say about it," Sonomi replied with a grim expression.

"What does that mean?" Tomoyo asked. Then realization dawned, and her violet eyes went wide with worry. "You're not going to—"

"He abused his position, and that cannot go unpunished."

Tomoyo shook her head. "You can't. Please, Okaa-sama, don't. He's a good teacher, and the students love him."

"Yes, apparently," Sonomi drawled.

"Okaa-sama...." Tomoyo searched for a plea that would change her mother's mind. "You know what will happen, don't you? There will be an investigation. I'll be suspended, or worse, and my grades will be scrutinized and questioned. My school record could be ruined because of this."

"Then you should have thought of that before," Sonomi snapped. But the conviction had gone out of her voice, and a concerned expression crossed her face. Tomoyo's point was valid. Her academic career would be tarnished, if not destroyed, if word of this got out. Would she sacrifice Tomoyo's future just to punish Touya and, in a roundabout way, Fujitaka?

Tomoyo saw the change in her mother's expression and held onto this little bit of newfound hope with both hands. "So, you won't...?"

"I didn't say that," her mother answered quickly, her voice hard once again. But it was clear that she was rethinking the wisdom of such an action. "You can't see him anymore. I won't have you throwing away your future over a man." The conversation was over, and she turned to leave.

This couldn't be the end of it. She had to make her mother understand. "I love him, Mama," Tomoyo said softly. She bowed her head and closed her eyes tightly. She wouldn't cry.

It almost worked. Tomoyo hadn't called her that since she was three. Sonomi stopped, but she wouldn't look at her daughter. "You're young. You'll get over it."

Tomoyo kept her head down, fighting the tears that threatened to spill over. After a long pause, she said, "You never did." It was the most hurtful thing she could think to say.

Sonomi stood completely still. Her rigid posture didn't falter, but Tomoyo's words had cut straight through her heart. She had never hit her daughter, had never even been tempted. But she didn't turn around now, for fear that she would do something she'd regret. She just walked away.

Tomoyo wiped her damp eyes. She wouldn't accept her mother's words. It was cruel and unfair of her to completely disregard everything Tomoyo had said. _I'm an adult_, she reminded herself. _She can't control my life anymore. I have to make my own decisions._

And with that, she walked up the stairs to her room, determination in her every step.

-----

"Touya."

Someone was calling him in his dream. _A woman's voice?_ He couldn't see her through the fog. She was too far away. _Where is she? What does she want?_ The voice became louder, clearer. _Tomoyo?_ And then someone was shaking him.

"Touya."

He opened his eyes and saw Tomoyo standing next to his bed. He sat up with a start. "Tomoyo? How did you—?" Then his groggy brain remembered that he had given her a key. He yawned and ran a hand through his dark tousled hair. He flicked on the lamp and glanced at the clock on the nightstand. It was after two. The middle of the night. She wouldn't come over in the middle of the night unless something was wrong. "What happened? Are you all right?"

"I want to get married," she said simply.

Touya blinked, and then he blinked again. "Okay," he answered slowly. _This couldn't have waited until morning?_ It was a strange thing to think, but he still wasn't completely awake yet. If he had been, he would have understood what exactly she'd just said. And he also would have noticed the suitcase next to her feet.

"I want to get married," Tomoyo said again. "Today."

-----

Everyone still hate me? Good, just checking.


	18. Those Who Forget History

L-chan's notes: I'm glad to see you all back for the new chapter.

Disclaimer: See Chapter 1.

Shadows

Chapter 18—Those Who Forget History

"What?!"

Now Touya was awake. He threw back the sheets and jumped out of bed. "You can't be serious!" He felt a chill, and he belatedly glanced down at himself. Luckily, he'd had the foresight to leave his shorts on when he went to bed. He walked over to his dresser and opened the middle drawer, searching for a t-shirt. "That's crazy!" he said, his voice muffled as he pulled his blue Seijou Science Department t-shirt over his head.

This wasn't the reaction Tomoyo was expecting. "Don't you want to marry me?"

He turned to her and put his hands on his hips. "Sweetheart, of course I want to marry you," he answered with a slight tinge of irritation. "But I thought we'd wait until you finished high school to start talking about that." This was the first time he'd said anything that specific about it, but that was only because the future had seemed so far off. He should have known better. _The future always comes sooner than you think_.

"Why?" Tomoyo asked, matching his tone. "I'm old enough. Why should we wait?"

Touya just looked at her for a second, wondering if perhaps this was still all a dream. "Are we really talking about this now? Right now, at damn two-twenty in the morning?" he replied, his tone turning weary but still a little annoyed. "Because if we are, I'm going to need some coffee. Lots of coffee."

He left the room, leaving Tomoyo to cast a dispirited glance at her suitcase before following him to the kitchen. She stood in the doorway and watched him scoop enough coffee into the pot to last the rest of the week. "I'm sorry," she said, not sounding sorry at all. "If I'd known I was going to be such an imposition, I wouldn't have come."

He sighed and met her frosty gaze. "I'm sorry, too," he said, but his apology was sincere. He hadn't meant to snap at her. "Give me a few minutes to wake up, okay?" She nodded, and he gave her a tired smile before reaching into the cabinet for a mug. He cocked an inquisitive eyebrow at her, and when she nodded again, he took a second mug and set them both on the counter. "I can be a grouch when I don't get enough sleep. That's something you should know before you marry me."

She brightened at his words. "Does that mean...?"

"No," he answered quickly with a shake of his head. "I'm not going to marry you, Tomoyo. At least, not yet."

Her face fell again. Any good feelings that had started to flow were immediately dampened by the reality of their situation. "So, that's it?" she asked. "You've already decided? God, you're just like my mother."

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"It means that you've gone ahead and decided everything for me without even hearing my side of it. And this isn't the first time."

Touya had no idea what she was talking about. "Just wait a second, okay?" he said impatiently, holding up a hand. She bit her lip but didn't say anything else. The strong, comforting scent of hot coffee filled the kitchen, and he pointed to the table. "Sit down, and I promise I'll listen to you. God knows I don't want to be compared to Sonomi-san." He muttered this last bit, but she caught it anyway, and her violet eyes narrowed at him. _She's just like her mother, too_.

Tomoyo slid into her usual chair, but she stared down at the tabletop when he set the mugs and carafe in front of her. He sat down across from her and poured coffee into both of their cups, but she still didn't move. "Why didn't you tell me?"

"Tell you what?"

She picked up her cup but didn't drink, instead letting it warm her hands. "I had a horrible fight with my mother," she said quietly. "If I'd known that you were going to tell her about us, I might have been better prepared."

The evening's events came back to him in a rush. "Oh." That explained why she was here. She'd run away from home. "I was just trying to do the right thing."

"The right thing would have been to discuss it with me first," she answered bitterly. "I need to have some control over what happens to me. I expect you of all people to understand that, Touya."

"I do," he reassured her.

She raised her head, but she wouldn't look at him. "It hurt," she said in a small, wounded voice, with her eyes fixed on the refrigerator. "You're supposed to be the one I can trust. And then you do this, and I...." She brought her eyes to his now, and they were clear and dry. "You should have told me."

"I know," he said. "I screwed up, and I'm sorry." He reached across the table, and she hesitated only briefly before taking his hand. "I should have been there with you. Was it that bad?"

"I don't know. It was a long time coming, I think. But you were the final straw, for obvious reasons."

_Ouch_. On the one hand, it was good that she'd finally stood up for herself, but he hated that he'd caused this rift between mother and daughter, however indirectly.

"But, anyway, after that, I just had to get out of there."

"How did you sneak out?"

She made a huffing sound. "I've lived in that house for a long time, and I know how things work. It was actually easier than I thought it would be. I guess no one ever thought I'd try it. Being a good girl has its rewards after all." The irony that pervaded her words didn't suit her. It made her sound hard and disillusioned.

"God, Tomoyo, I'm sorry," he said again. "This is my fault. Maybe if we'd told her together—"

Tomoyo laughed, but it was an empty sound. "It wouldn't have made any difference. Nothing can change her mind. I should know. She even said that I can't see you anymore. Can you believe that?"

"Yeah, I think I can." A thousand-watt bulb lit up in his head. The coffee had done its job. "That's why you want to get married?"

"It's the perfect solution," she replied with a plastic smile.

She sounded so convinced that Touya almost agreed. _Maybe I need something stronger than coffee_. "No, Tomoyo, it's not." He squeezed her hand before reluctantly letting go of it.

"Why not?" She pushed away her cup, and the cooling coffee sloshed over the rim. She trailed a finger through the puddle, drawing a thin brown trail along the tabletop. "Why don't you want to marry me?"

"It's not that," he corrected her. "I just don't think we're ready."

"There you go again. I'm never ready for anything, am I?" Tomoyo retorted crossly. "Not sex, not marriage—"

"I didn't say 'you,'" Touya interrupted, ignoring the first issue for the sake of his sanity. "I said 'we.' That means 'me,' too, you know. We've only been dating for three months. But since you brought it up, do _you_ really think you're ready, after such a short time, to make a commitment like that?"

"I love you," she said in answer. _Isn't that enough?_

"And I love you, too," he replied. "But that doesn't mean we should rush into this. There's still a lot we don't know about each other. And there are things people should discuss before getting married."

"Like what?"

"Like... do we want to have children? And how many?" he improvised.

"Yes, and two," she responded confidently.

That was what he'd always imagined, too. "Okay. And what about money? How are we going to pay for you to go to university?"

"I have money."

"I'm not using your mother's money. No one is going to support us but us."

"Maybe I can get a part-time job while I go to school, like you did."

"Where are we going to live?"

"Here."

"It's pretty small."

"Then we'll find a bigger place, if we can afford it."

She was being too amenable. If things fell into place this easily, then he wouldn't have an argument. "Which side of the bed do you sleep on?" he asked, grasping for a point.

"The left."

"So do I. See, that's a problem."

"Not really," Tomoyo said with a nonchalant shrug. "I'll just be on top."

Touya choked on his coffee. When he stopped coughing, he wiped his watering eyes. "There's a mental image I didn't need right now."

She knew exactly what she'd said, but she just looked at him with the same clear, unflinching gaze. "That's all?" she asked. "Those are the only issues you can come up with?"

"At two-thirty in the morning, yes," he replied. "Not to mention the most obvious problem: that you're still young, and I'm still your teacher. It wouldn't be easy for us."

"Your parents did it," she reasoned. She'd thought about all this on the cab ride over. It had been about justifying her decision to herself. It was also the only argument she thought she'd need. "They were happy."

"And look how long it took for our families to make peace," he countered. "Do you want to put everyone through that again?"

She'd thought about that, too. "We already are," she said quietly.

Touya remembered the look of anger and disapproval on Sonomi's face when she threw him out. He could only imagine what else had happened after he left. She'd probably been waiting for an excuse to direct her barely suppressed fury at his father, and he'd given her one. Maybe the truce between the families was never strong enough to be more than temporary in the first place. "Point made," he conceded.

Tomoyo sighed and got up from the table, dumping the cooled contents of her mug into the sink. She found a dishtowel and was going to wipe up the spilled coffee, but she just twisted the towel anxiously in her hands. "So, what do we do now?" she asked.

"I don't know." He watched her restlessly wring the towel until it seemed that the weakened fibers were about to unravel. She was so focused on twisting it back and forth, as if she had emotional energy to burn and needed a physical release. It was a thin, frayed old dishcloth, but until he did laundry, it was the only clean one he had, and she was only a few twists away from rending it in two. "Give me the towel, Tomoyo," he said gently.

"No."

"Tomoyo...."

"It's mine," she said, sounding like a stubborn child refusing to give up her security blanket. She gave him a petulant pout, but something else flashed in her violet eyes. "I like it." Her lips twitched with an imperceptible trace of mischief.

Touya stood up and leaned his hands on the table. "Give it to me," he said with an almost menacing growl. His brown eyes flashed, too, daring her to defy him. But there was no malice there. More like... amusement. He knew what she was doing, and he was willing to play along.

She dangled the towel in front of him. "Do you want it?" she teased huskily.

"You know I do." His low voice promised danger, but when he tried to grab the towel, she snatched it away.

"Then come and get it."

She turned and ran out of the kitchen, and he was right behind her. Unfortunately for her, the apartment was too small for her to really get away. When he saw her head for the bathroom, he went into his bedroom instead, cutting her off as she came through the other door. She crashed into his chest, and he caught her in his arms.

She threw the towel over his shoulder in a pathetic attempt to distract him. "It's over there," she said, squirming unconvincingly in his grasp. "See?"

"Nice try, but I got what I wanted," Touya replied.

Tomoyo stopped wiggling and looked up at him with round, shining eyes. She felt her heart pound, and she thought he was going to kiss her, but he only pulled her closer and held her. She settled against him and let him stroke her hair. "That was pretty childish of me," she admitted sheepishly. "I just...."

"I understand," he said. "It was getting to me, too."

She slid her arms around his waist and sighed. "So far, seventeen isn't my favorite age. Does it get better?"

"I think it's about to." With his index finger gently prodding her chin, he lifted her face to his. She closed her eyes as their lips met, and she held onto him as if she would never let go.

The coffee-flavored kisses started slowly at first, just brief brushes back and forth. Each kiss led to another, lasting a little longer and growing a little hotter. He shoved his hands into her long hair and opened his mouth wide against hers, making her gasp at the sudden rise in passion. She found herself matching it, and then some. She wanted more. She always wanted more.

"I love you," he murmured between kisses.

"I love you," she answered breathlessly.

As their kisses continued, she felt the heat of desire uncoil like a charmed snake. It started in the pit of her stomach, circled around her heart, and then dropped heavily to someplace deep within her. The intensity was higher than it had ever been, and though it made her feel weak, it was exciting.

He was feeling the stirrings, too, only the warning lights that usually signaled such dangerous ground were conspicuously absent. He moved as close to her as he could get, running his hands up and down her back, tracing his fingers along the zipper of her dress. It was the wrong time, but then it always seemed to be the wrong time for them. If he kept waiting for the right time, it might never come.

His lips moved to her ear, and he felt her tremble as his warm breath made the curling tendrils of her lavender hair flutter. "If you're going to say no, say it now," he whispered, "because I don't think I'll be able to stop."

She froze, just for a second, as she realized what he was asking. "Does that mean you think I'm finally ready?" she said, almost teasingly.

He put his hand on her cheek, forcing her to look up at him. His eyes were dark, and his expression was completely serious. "Do _you_ think you're ready?"

Maybe she'd never truly be ready. But she knew that she loved him, and that was all that mattered right now. When she nodded, he smiled at her, caressing her cheek with the tips of his fingers. He kissed her again, and she all but purred as his fingers trailed down to her neck, and then lower, skimming along the bodice of her dress.

"But, you know," Tomoyo whispered shakily, trying to take her mind off the feeling of nervous anticipation that was making her body hum. "I always imagined a room filled with flowers. A girl should have flowers." He was tugging at her sleeve, exposing her skin to his lips, and her breath caught in her throat as his mouth brushed over her bared shoulder.

"Mmm, flowers," Touya repeated absently. His other hand slid up her back and found the zipper's tab on her dress, pulling it down slowly.

There was a sudden chill against her flushed skin as her purple birthday dress dropped to the ground. "And candles, too." Why was she still talking?

"Next time," he murmured, hoping to God that there would be a next time. The t-shirt he'd put on earlier joined her dress on the floor.

"And there should be music. There's no music." Her words came out as a gasp as he lowered her onto his bed.

"There will be if I do this right," he answered, and when she opened her mouth to respond, he kissed her in a way that sent every single thought out of her head.

-----

Tomoyo remained absolutely still, half-awake and half-asleep, as her languid body lay curled against Touya's. With her head on his chest, she could hear his heart beating in a comforting rhythm. Though physically she was tired, her mind was racing, replaying everything that had just happened. It was an experience she'd waited a lifetime for, one that had lasted a lifetime itself, and now it was suddenly all over.

She felt closer to him than ever before, and she knew that things would never be the same again. But their relationship would only be stronger. She couldn't imagine sharing this with anyone else. Every part of her was his, and no one could ever possess her as completely as he did.

She didn't want to move, to disturb the peaceful haze that had settled over them. But her legs shifted restlessly beneath the sheet, and she whimpered at the ache that pulsed between them.

His hand had been resting low on her hip, and when it gave her a tender squeeze, she realized he was awake, too. "Sore?" he asked softly.

"A little," she whispered back. The idyll was shattered, all because of a little pain. She'd just wanted to sleep in his arms until morning, when they'd get dressed and catch the train to somewhere, anywhere, to register their marriage and have a special wedding dinner. That _was_ what was going to happen now, wasn't it?

"I'm sorry," he said. "It will be better next time."

Tomoyo shook her head emphatically as she leaned up to look at him. "It's not that. It was fine. Really."

"It was fine?" Touya repeated dryly. He rolled his eyes. "Great. That's just what every guy wants to hear."

She knew he was teasing her, and she smiled warmly at him. "It was beautiful," she whispered.

"Yes, it was." He returned her smile and lovingly tucked a lavender curl behind her ear. They kissed, and she settled down against him again with a contented heart.

Silence filled the room again, but it wasn't the same as before. Tomoyo nestled against Touya and lightly brushed her fingers over his chest, but when he didn't respond to her touches, she could tell that he was distracted. His body had stiffened, and it felt like he was slowly withdrawing from the moment. After a long pause, he let out a deep sigh. "We should get dressed."

She sat up, clutching the sheet to her with unnecessary modesty. "Why?" she asked, trying to keep panic out of her voice. She knew something was wrong. A switch had been flicked, changing the mood in the room instantly.

It seemed like an eternity before he spoke again. "You can't stay here, Tomoyo."

The world stopped spinning, and she hung on for dear life, afraid she might fall off the edge. "Why not?" She couldn't keep the tremble out of her voice this time. She clutched the sheet tighter, using it as a shield against whatever was coming.

He didn't look at her and instead stared up at the ceiling. "This is the first place your mother will look for you, and if she finds out that you came here, and that we...." He sat up, too, but the sheet stayed loosely draped over his lap. "She can't find you here. If you don't want to go home, you can probably stay with Sakura. I'll take you over there."

This wasn't happening. He was supposed to marry her now. Wasn't that why they had... because why would he make love to her if he didn't intend to marry her? "No," she said.

He sighed again and got out of bed, walking around to the other side where he'd left his clothes. "We don't have time for this, Tomoyo." His voice was unyielding and condescending. She watched in disbelieving silence as he pulled on his shorts and found a pair of socks in the dresser. "Get up," he ordered. "You can clean yourself up in the bathroom, but I'm only giving you ten minutes, and then we're leaving, whether you're ready or not."

No, this couldn't be happening. Maybe she'd accidentally slipped into some alternate reality. _Why is he acting this way?_ "Touya," she pleaded.

He sat down on the edge of the bed and placed his hand on her knee. His expression softened, but it was clear that he had made up his mind and would not be swayed. "Get up," he said gently. "Please."

Her grasp on the sheet loosened, and it fell down to her waist. "I don't understand," she said, searching his brown eyes. "Touya?"

"Ten minutes," he repeated.

She grabbed his arm when he tried to stand up. "Talk to me," she begged. "What's wrong?"

Touya looked down at her hand and linked it with his own before meeting her gaze. "We have to stop seeing each other for a while," he said. "Until your mother can accept me, we have to play by her rules."

"But—"

"It's the only way right now."

"But, if we get married—"

"She threatened my job," Touya explained bluntly. "How would I support you without a damn job? How would I support _myself_?"

Tomoyo yanked her hand away from his grasp. "So, your job is more important to you than I am?"

"Of course not," he answered. "Be reasonable, Tomoyo."

No matter how old she was, everyone was always going to treat her like a child and tell her what to do. "Fine, I'll be reasonable," she snapped, climbing out of bed. She went into the bathroom and slammed the door behind her.

When she finished dressing, she found him in the living room, sitting on the sofa with his elbows on his knees and his head in his hands. He was wearing jeans and his Seijou t-shirt, and a black jacket was draped over the arm of the sofa. Her anger vanished as her heart clenched to see him looking so dejected, and she knew this decision had to be tearing him apart. It almost made her forgive him for this.

"I can't stay with Sakura-chan," she said, making him look up. "I don't think I can face her right now." She didn't know how Sakura had taken the news, and she wasn't in the mood to explain the whole story. And being with Touya's sister would only remind her of him.

Touya stood up and went to her. "You understand, don't you? This is for the best."

"It's for the best," Tomoyo answered, not claiming to understand at all.

He pulled her into his arms and held her. She resisted at first, and then put her arms around him, burying her face against his shoulder and clinging to him desperately. After several minutes, they left together without a word, and the clicking of the front door echoed in the silent apartment.

-----

The buzzing doorbell echoed in the silent apartment, and Syaoran muttered every curse word he knew. It wasn't bad enough to be so rudely awakened in the middle of the night. He knew he'd have to get up and answer the door, because Wei was attending to family business back in Hong Kong, and because Meiling, when she so chose, could sleep like the dead.

The digital clock on the nightstand mockingly displayed the time in big, green numbers. Four-thirty. If this was some stupid little kid playing a prank, Syaoran would not be held responsible for any physical harm that came to the child. He dragged himself out of bed and left his room, shooting a heated glare at Meiling's door as he made his way down the hall.

For a split-second he wished he'd brought his sword with him, maybe to scare a little common courtesy into the punk, until he saw the person standing on the doorstep. "Daidouji?"

Tomoyo's face was streaked with falling tears, but before Syaoran could ask what was wrong, she threw herself into his arms. He held her awkwardly, patting her on the back as she sniffled against his pajama top. The cool night air breezed in through the open door, and he felt Tomoyo shiver against him. But that might have just been her body shaking from crying. He tried to kick the door shut, but he couldn't quite make his ankle turn that way without permanently remaining in that position.

"Syaoran? What's going—?"

Tomoyo let go of him suddenly and lunged toward something behind him. Either Meiling was sleepwalking, or she'd miraculously woken up on her own and discovered that she could indeed get out of bed before noon on a Sunday. Or else he was dreaming, because this was the damned strangest thing that had happened in a long time.

Now Tomoyo was clinging to Meiling, and she was sobbing in earnest. Meiling hugged her tightly, cooing gentle words to her and casting curious glances at Syaoran, who could only shrug.

"It's okay, Tomoyo-chan," Meiling said soothingly. "It's okay."

The other girl was shaking her head furiously. "I think we broke up," she sobbed.

Meiling exchanged another look with Syaoran and then jerked her head toward the door. She kept an arm around her distraught friend and continued whispering words of comfort as she led her away.

Syaoran noticed Tomoyo's abandoned suitcase sitting in the doorway, and as he picked it up, something niggled at his magic sense. It was a familiar presence—the aura of one who used to have magic but no longer did. There was just an echo of the old power, like the far-reaching light of a star that had burned out long ago.

A scowl automatically crossed his face as he went out to the walkway and looked down at the street. Touya was standing on the sidewalk, looking back up at the building. He seemed to be waiting to make sure Tomoyo was all right, and Syaoran, temporarily ignoring how he personally felt about Touya, nodded in confirmation. He saw Touya's shoulders slump in relief, and the older man nodded back at him, then raised his hand as if to say thanks.

Syaoran took the suitcase inside and set it outside Meiling's room. He rapped a quick knock on her door, and then went back to his own room, crawling into bed and speculating about what had happened rather than resuming his interrupted sleep.

-----

When Touya returned home, the apartment had never felt so unwelcoming and confining. This was the last place he wanted to be right now. The air was filled with imaginary voices calling him everything he'd called himself for the past half hour. They weren't going to leave him alone, but he accepted his punishment. Because he deserved it.

Maybe he should have agreed to marry Tomoyo. There was a part of him that wanted to, despite his protestations that it was too soon. It would have been so easy to go to the courthouse and fill out the paperwork. Not very romantic, but he could have made it up to her by taking her someplace special during their next school break. And if they were married, they could be together, and no one could say anything about it. In a way, she had been right. It was the perfect solution.

Only, it wasn't.

And he should have explained why.

Everything he'd said was true. He'd given her plenty of good reasons why they couldn't get married right now. But he hadn't told her the most important reason.

His mother had been disowned when she married without her family's approval. There was every chance that Sonomi would threaten to do the same to Tomoyo. And he couldn't let that happen.

Because then Tomoyo would have to choose. What was more important to her? Right now, while she was so upset with Sonomi, she wanted to choose him. But she was only thinking about the immediate future. Her judgment was too clouded by her emotions to sensibly consider the consequences. Marrying him now could destroy her relationship with her mother, and eventually, that would cause an irreparable rift between them, too. Once she had thought about it, really thought about it, she'd realize why he couldn't put her in that position. Why he wouldn't make her choose between him and her mother.

But if they were patient, things would eventually work out. They had to.

Touya sighed and went into the bathroom to get ready for bed... again. As he stood in the doorway, brushing his teeth—again—his eyes fixed on the rumpled bedsheets. Maybe that had been a mistake, too. He'd wanted to prove to Tomoyo that he was committed to her, even if they had to be apart for a while.

And now he was going to be haunted by how it had felt to be with her. Every moment came flooding back to him, from the excitement of exploring the enticing curves of her body, to the beautiful glow in her violet eyes as she experienced pure physical pleasure for the first time, to the overwhelming sense of completion he'd found by being a part of her. Maybe it _had_ been a mistake, but he'd never regret making love to her.

But that didn't stop him from yanking the sheets off the bed. He threw them into the laundry basket and grabbed his pillow. There was no way he could sleep here.

He stretched out on the living room sofa and closed his eyes, waiting for mental and physical exhaustion to give him a reprieve from his thoughts, but it was no use. He lay awake until long past sunrise, hoping he hadn't been stupid enough to lose both his job and the woman he loved in the same night.

-----

I don't think this counts as a cliffhanger, but I'm sure some of you will feel differently. Thanks, as always, for reading, and please, as always, drop me a review if you have the time.


	19. Passing Notes

L-chan's notes: Things aren't going so well, are they? Hmm, I may have to do something about that.

Disclaimer: See Chapter 1.

Shadows

Chapter 19—Passing Notes

By third period on Monday morning, Touya still hadn't been summoned to the headmaster's office regarding his affair with a student, so he could only assume that Sonomi hadn't yet followed through on her threat. He refused to let himself feel too relieved. Just because she hadn't said anything didn't mean that she wouldn't. If the call came, then he needed to be prepared. He planned to take full responsibility and protect Tomoyo as much as he could.

The bell rang, and everyone settled quietly into their seats. As Touya pulled out the papers for today's quiz, his dark eyes fell on the one unoccupied stool in the classroom. He wasn't surprised, as Tomoyo's name was on the list of absent students. The explanation given was that she was ill, but he knew why she hadn't come to school. _She doesn't want to see me. And I don't blame her_.

But Tomoyo's absence was going to affect her grade. She'd been made fully aware of the quiz, and she understood that no make-ups were given. He wouldn't make an exception in her case, no matter how much it hurt him to have to fail her for the day. _Great.__ Now I've failed her twice_.

After the quiz, he searched through the stack of last week's lab worksheets, scribbling a quick note on one of them before handing them out. He dropped the paper on Meiling's table and moved on to the next with his usual detachment, but out of the corner of his eye, he saw her look up at him with a mix of confusion and hesitation. Then her eyes focused on the page again. _Please see me after class_.

And Meiling did so, remaining in her seat after everyone was dismissed. Touya closed the door and pulled up a stool across from her. "She's not really sick, is she?" he asked without prelude.

Again she hesitated, perhaps not wanting to betray her friend's confidence. "No, she isn't," she finally answered with a shake of her head.

Touya sighed and closed his eyes. He knew it. Tomoyo was avoiding him. Well, there was the outside chance that Sonomi was keeping her daughter home from school, but he doubted it. Especially if Sonomi didn't know what had happened Saturday night. He prayed she didn't. "You have history next, don't you? Can you be a few minutes late?"

Meiling looked skeptical. "Normally, I'd be thrilled to miss history, but I'm supposed to take notes for Tomoyo-chan."

"But you can get them from someone else?"

"I guess so."

"Thanks." He wondered if talking to Meiling about all this was a wise thing to do. _Well, why start being wise now?_ he asked himself wryly. "Open your book, so it looks like we're talking about an assignment."

She did, and even picked up her pencil and doodled in her notebook as if she were writing down instructions. "She's really upset," she said after a brief pause. She glanced up from her book and twirled her pencil in her fingers. "That's what you wanted to know, right?"

"Yeah." Touya sighed again and folded his arms on the lab table. "Does she hate me?"

"Not really," she said tersely.

That answer didn't do much to reassure him. It meant that she hated him a little bit. "How much did she tell you?"

Meiling set her pencil down and looked at him with fierce protectiveness in her ruby eyes. "Everything."

So he didn't need to go into detail about what had happened. She knew more than anyone else did, and she was probably the person closest to Tomoyo right now. No wonder she seemed so cold.

"For what it's worth," Meiling continued while he was considering whether to start with an apology or an explanation, "I think you did the right thing."

"You do?" That was surprising. Didn't women usually stick together when something like this happened?

"I think you went about it the wrong way, but I understand why you did it," she clarified. "But Tomoyo-chan can't see that right now. She thinks you broke up with her."

"But I didn't," he replied, and she nodded. "It's just... this is all so complicated, and no matter what I do, it seems like I just make everything worse."

"Well, of course," Meiling said. "You're a man. Your intentions are good, but your execution simply sucks."

Touya was taken aback by her bluntness. She didn't know him well enough to talk to him like that. Other than their relationship as student and teacher, they'd only ever known each other as cousin-of-gaki and brother-of-girl-with-inexplicable-affection-for-gaki. But then he saw the teasing smile that threatened to crack her stoic expression, and he decided not to be insulted. It was just her nature to be straightforward and honest. _And, after all, she_ is _right_. "Yeah, it does," he admitted. "I've never been very good at this."

"From what I hear, you've done just fine," she said, and this time her sly grin did appear for just a second before vanishing again. "For the most part. But you need to talk to her."

"That's just it. I can't. I can't see her, and I can't call her. I tried." He'd found yesterday that Tomoyo's private phone line was out of service, and she didn't answer her cell phone. When he dialed the main number for the house, the housekeeper had politely advised him not to call again, per Sonomi's orders. How was he supposed to explain or apologize when he couldn't even talk to her? "I was hoping to say something to her today, but...."

"Hmm," Meiling murmured thoughtfully. "Maybe this is a little inappropriate, but I could give her a message for you."

"You'd do that?"

"Why not?" she shrugged. "If it will make her feel better. I hate seeing her so miserable. When she went home yesterday afternoon, she looked like she was going to her death." She left out the part about Tomoyo crying all night, using curse words she shouldn't even know when she wasn't defending Touya or blaming herself for not being mature enough to handle an adult relationship, until she finally fell asleep on the floor, completely exhausted.

His heart clenched anyway. To think that he was putting her through this pain, when that was the last thing he wanted. He'd taken away the little bit of comfort he'd always offered her. He had to tell her something. He had to reassure her that his feelings hadn't changed and that he still wanted to be with her.

"Give me a second," he said as he stood up. He pushed up his glasses with distracted irritation and walked to his desk to get a sheet of paper.

Meiling flipped through her chemistry book and pretended to study while she waited. Her ruby eyes instead stayed on Touya, watching as he wrote and crossed out and crumpled up the paper to start over. He finally made it to the end without crossing anything out, and he chewed the end of his pen as he reread his words. Then he muttered under his breath and folded the sheet of paper in half, stapling it twice against the prying eyes of curious friends.

"Passing notes," he grumbled as he gave the letter to a slightly amused Meiling. "I feel like I'm in high school."

"You are," she reminded him. She held the letter up to the light and tried to see through the thin paper. "You probably should have let me read it first. Although I don't suppose your foot will fit any further in your mouth."

"I sure hope not. But I've got another one, so you never can tell."

She tucked the letter in her red folder as she stood up to go. "I think it will be okay," she said seriously. "She loves you. It would take a lot to change that."

"We'll see," Touya answered, unconvinced. He didn't doubt that Tomoyo loved him, but he was afraid it wouldn't be enough to get them through this. _What kind of defeatist attitude is that?_ he reprimanded himself. _Do I have that little faith in us?_ No, he believed in her. He had to hold onto that. It was the only thing that would keep him going. "Hey, Li," he said before she made it to the door. She stopped and waited for him to continue. "Thanks. And thanks for taking care of her the other night."

Meiling just shook her head modestly. "That's what friends do. Besides, I owed her one." She shifted her books to her other arm and gave him an almost flirtatious smile. "And, you know, if it doesn't work out with Tomoyo-chan, give me a call." He looked utterly shocked for a moment, and she laughed at his flustered expression. "Just kidding. See you later, sensei."

-----

Tomoyo was curled up on the sofa in her screening room, making her way through a large box of chocolates as she watched the video play out in front of her. It was probably the wrong choice, but it was one of the few good ones she had of him. She knew, because she'd spent the entire day rooting through her extensive video collection. This one had been at the bottom of the stack. She couldn't believe she'd forgotten about it.

"_I know the truth_," the Touya on-screen said to Yukito, and the camera shot cut between the two of them as the movie reached its climax.

Tomoyo watched in rapt attention, though she wasn't involved in the story being told. It was almost like torture, a masochistic mix of pain and pleasure, to watch him like this. Every time he spoke, she remembered the way he'd whispered to her, telling her how beautiful she was and how much he loved her as his large, gentle hands caressed every part of her. Any time he smiled, which, unfortunately, was rare in this movie, she imagined him smiling down at her before he kissed her. And when she looked at him in those period clothes, she could picture the hard, lean body underneath.

She closed her eyes briefly and then shut off the video player. She couldn't take any more. It was bad enough that she'd been dreaming about it. She didn't need to dwell on it when she was awake, too.

She popped another chocolate in her mouth and wrapped her tongue around the chewy caramel center as she thought instead about what had happened since that night. For the first time in her life, she had flat-out lied to her mother, saying that she'd been at Meiling's the whole time. Meiling, good friend that she was, backed up the story. _You got what you wanted,_ Tomoyo said bitterly when Sonomi had picked her up. _He doesn't want to see me anymore_.

She'd expected her mother to be happy about that, but Sonomi's expression remained impassive and inscrutable.

She didn't escape punishment, nor had she expected to. For her transgressions, her phone was taken away, and she was restricted to the house. She would be driven to and from school every day until further notice, and if she absolutely must go anywhere else for pre-approved reasons, she was not to go unescorted. Her friends could still come over to study, but she was not allowed to receive them in her room, where cell phones could be smuggled in.

Tomoyo had accepted this calmly and proposed a condition of her own. She'd asked again that Sonomi not report Touya to the school board. Sonomi had reluctantly agreed to reconsider but made no promises, which was as much as Tomoyo could hope for.

_What a coward I am_, she thought now as she sat in the dim room, picking through the remains of her candy comfort. She'd thought that nothing short of a fever would have been enough to keep her home from school, but Sonomi had allowed it. It kept Tomoyo away from Touya, so her mother had to be glad of that.

Even though she wasn't ready to face him, a part of her wished she'd gone. She did want to see him, to give him a chance to explain. And she wanted to apologize for the selfish, childish way she'd acted. But then there was that other part of her, that tiny voice that said it was over. She didn't want to believe it, and so she stayed away in order to avoid confirmation. If he were to treat her coolly and distantly after what they'd shared, she didn't know if she could take it.

_But he wouldn't_, a stronger voice inside her said. _He'd never be so callous and cruel_.

There was a tentative knock on her door, rousing her from her reverie. "Ojou-sama, your friend is here with your schoolwork."

"Thank you. I'll be right down," Tomoyo replied automatically. She looked at the candy wrappers in her lap and felt disgusted with herself for finishing the entire box. She chucked the empty container into the trash before heading downstairs to greet Meiling. _A friendly face would be appreciated right about now. And it beats talking to the voices in my head like a crazy person_.

Only, it wasn't Meiling waiting in the living room.

"Sakura-chan?"

The green-eyed girl looked a little uncomfortable, as if she'd been caught doing something she shouldn't. "I brought you today's notes," she said with a hesitant smile. She held up Meiling's red folder as proof. "I think they're all here. I didn't check."

Tomoyo composed herself, her confused expression giving way to a more welcoming one. "I'm sorry if I seemed surprised. I thought Meiling-chan was coming."

Sakura shifted restlessly on her feet. "Well, I asked her if I could bring them. I thought maybe we could talk for a minute, if that's okay." Her voice held traces of hurt, curiosity, and apology. None of the emotions seemed to dominate her tone, which made Tomoyo wonder how her friend was really feeling, and what she thought of Tomoyo's impossible situation.

"Yes, I'd like that," Tomoyo answered quietly. She felt a wave of relief that Sakura was still speaking to her. She wouldn't have been able to stand losing one of her dearest friends, too. She needed all the allies she could get. "Do you want something to drink?"

"Sure, thanks." This time Sakura's smile was a little cheerier, though it faltered as she sat down.

After requesting the tea, Tomoyo joined the other girl on the sofa and fussily smoothed out the wrinkles in her slacks. "How was school?" she asked too casually. "Did I miss anything interesting?"

"No, it was the usual thing," Sakura replied, pretending to go along. "You know, calculus, history, English, music...." She trailed off and then gave Tomoyo a deliberate look. "Chemistry."

"Sounds pretty dull," Tomoyo said with a pathetic attempt at levity. She awkwardly tried to turn the subject away from the obvious. "I hope Meiling-chan took good history notes. I know how hard it is for her to stay awake in that class."

"Tomoyo-chan," Sakura began cautiously, but she was interrupted as the housekeeper brought the tea tray from the kitchen. It was only after the older woman left that she continued. "Why didn't you tell me?"

"I wanted to," Tomoyo answered regretfully. There was no point in acting like she didn't know what Sakura meant. "But we had to keep it a secret. We were breaking the rules."

"But you told Meiling-chan," Sakura pointed out, this time with definite hurt creeping into her voice. She absently fiddled with her spoon as if deciding whether to add sugar to her tea. "I know you and I haven't been as close as we used to be, but...."

"I know," Tomoyo said. She sighed and leaned back against the sofa, leaving her own teacup untouched. "It seems so long ago now," she mused. "Back when school first started, Meiling-chan knew I was developing this horrible crush on him. I didn't tell you because it seemed so silly, and I thought it would pass. But it didn't." She filled Sakura in on the piano lessons, which had led to them spending more time together and becoming closer.

Sakura listened silently as everything sunk in. "So, all this time, whenever we all went someplace, and he just happened to come along...."

"It was the only way we could go out together," Tomoyo finished.

Sakura nodded as everything came together. "Syaoran-kun saw it. He said he could sense something going on between you. Why didn't I see it? I feel so stupid."

"I'm the one who's stupid," Tomoyo corrected her. "I should have insisted that we tell you. I really hated keeping it from you, but Touya always said it wasn't the right time to say anything." She huffed a little, remembering how he'd changed his mind without her. "I guess he got over that."

"It's all so unbelievable," Sakura said. "I mean... you and Onii-chan? I don't think I would have seen that coming in a million years."

"Me neither," Tomoyo agreed with a wistful half-smile.

"So, now what?" Sakura asked. "I know there's more to it. Your mother was really upset, and you didn't come to school today. And you look so sad for someone who's supposed to be in love. What's wrong, Tomoyo-chan?" She asked this kindly, taking the other girl's hand and giving it a warm squeeze.

"See, you're not so oblivious after all," Tomoyo tried to joke, but the tremor in her voice betrayed her true feelings. "We've... kind of... split up."

"What? Why?" For someone who'd only found out about this relationship two days ago, Sakura was sure making up for it now.

"A lot of reasons. My mother. His job. Our whole situation. It's just not meant to be, I guess."

"I don't understand. There's still something you're not telling me."

Tomoyo was again surprised by Sakura's observation. For a girl everyone had always affectionately called naïve, she could be very sharp. "You saw how my mother reacted," she began, and Sakura nodded. "She told me I couldn't see him anymore. So, after she went to bed, I snuck out and went over to Touya's. I proposed to him, and, well, he turned me down." Sakura gasped at this news but didn't say anything, letting Tomoyo continue the story. "I thought if we got married, our problem would be solved. But then we argued about it. He said he wouldn't marry me because I was too young, and because he could lose his job. And he said he wanted my mother's approval. He doesn't want our families to be estranged again." She left out the part about them sleeping together, even though she'd spilled everything to Meiling. She just thought that it might be uncomfortable for Sakura to hear certain things about her brother. "Then he said we had to stop seeing each other. He took me to Meiling-chan's, and I stayed the rest of the night there." She assumed Sakura had already heard that much from Syaoran. "I haven't talked to him since."

"Wow," Sakura breathed.

"Yeah."

"Wow. I'm so sorry, Tomoyo-chan." Sakura poured another cup of tea and spooned too much sugar into it as her thoughts distracted her. She took a sip, and her face screwed up when she realized she'd ruined her drink. It was all her brother's fault. "I'm going to give him a piece of my mind. How could he do that to you?"

"No, it's okay," Tomoyo replied, grateful for Sakura's anger on her behalf. "He's just doing what he thinks is best. And I don't want him losing his job because of me." That was true, but it didn't change the fact that she thought he was wrong.

"Well, if you want me to beat him up for you...." Sakura offered, hoping to elicit a smile from her melancholy friend. It worked. She grinned, too. "You and my brother. That's just so weird."

"I guess it is," Tomoyo answered. Her violet eyes shone with her old humor for the first time all day as she let out an exaggerated dreamy sigh. "But, God, he's a fabulous kisser."

"Oh, yuck," Sakura said with a disgusted grimace, making Tomoyo giggle. "Maybe we should go over the homework now, before I'm scarred for life."

"Now you know why I told Meiling-chan instead of you," Tomoyo joked. She gave Sakura a quick hug. "I'm glad you came over," she said softly. "Thanks." Talking about all this in the clear light of day had made her feel better, and she could admit to herself now that some of the things Touya had said made sense, even if she still didn't understand exactly how breaking up was a better solution than getting married.

"Any time," Sakura replied with a sympathetic smile. "So, you're coming to school tomorrow?" Tomoyo nodded. "Good, because if it's anything like today was, you'd fall behind for sure." She pulled out her own notebook and handed Meiling's folder to Tomoyo. "Let's make sure everything is there, and I'll try to explain what we covered. Unless it's calculus. You'll have to ask Syaoran-kun about that."

"Got it." Tomoyo opened the folder and borrowed a pen so she could make her own notes as they went over everything. "What's this?" There was a folded sheet of paper in the left-side pocket.

"I don't know," Sakura answered. "Something from Meiling-chan, I guess."

But Meiling wouldn't have stapled it shut. Tomoyo probably should have set it aside and looked at the schoolwork, but curiosity won out over her need to study. She carefully tore the note open, and her breath caught in her throat as she immediately recognized the handwriting. A quick glance at the bottom of the page confirmed it.

_Tomoyo—_

_I'm sorry about the other night. Not for what happened, but how I handled it. I don't blame you for being upset with me. I'm trying to do what's right, but all I do is hurt you. I'm sorry._

_I want us to be together. I just don't know how._

_But we'll find a way to make it work. I promise. Please be patient with me._

_I love you. Don't ever doubt that._

_—Touya_

He loved her. He wanted to be with her. Tomoyo felt tears well up in her eyes, even though she'd sworn she was through crying. "Oh, my," she said quietly, reaching up to brush away the dampness clinging to her lashes.

"What?" Now Sakura's curiosity was piqued, but Tomoyo didn't answer as she silently reread the note. After the third time through, she smiled and folded the sheet again before tucking it in her pocket.

"Will you do me a favor?"

"Sure," Sakura answered, now both curious and confused.

-----

The doorbell rang, and Touya set his lukewarm take-out container on the coffee table. He wasn't annoyed about his dinner being interrupted. He wasn't hungry anyway.

He opened the door to greet his unexpected visitor. "Sakura?" He should have been prepared for anything, but she was the last person he would have guessed. She hadn't visited him since… well, he couldn't remember the last time she'd been to his apartment.

"Hi, Onii-chan," his little sister said cheerily. "Can I come in?" She held up a pale yellow envelope from a decidedly feminine stationery set. "I have something for you."

And as easy as that, Sakura became their willing new go-between.

-----

Yay, filler! Thanks for reading, and be kind—rewind. Um, I mean, review.


	20. Holding Pattern

L-chan's notes: Wow, twenty chapters so far. How did that happen? Thanks to all of you for reading this far, and for reviewing, too.

Disclaimer: See Chapter 1.

Shadows

Chapter 20—Holding Pattern

Touya sat silently through Wednesday's family dinner, pretending to listen to his father, his sister, and her little plush guardian. They were engaged in a carefree conversation, but he couldn't find the enthusiasm to join in.

For four weeks now, his contact with Tomoyo had been limited to third-hour chemistry class and the letters they passed through Sakura. He should have been grateful that he even got that much time with her, but it was starting to wear on him. It just wasn't good enough. _From friends to lovers to damn pen pals,_ he griped silently. _What's next, looking at old pictures and trying to recall each other's name?_

"But the thing is," Kero was saying insistently, but failing to draw Touya's attention away from the ice cubes melting in his glass of tea, "you have to form a strong group if you're going to get anywhere. It's the only way to make it through some of the levels."

"What levels? There's no end to the game," Fujitaka countered. "All we do is battle the same creatures, collect experience points and magic items, and then do it all again. Where's the point?"

"The point is to keep getting stronger," Kero replied with a blasé wave of his little yellow paw. "To get a reputation for being so advanced. Other players will be in awe of you."

"But why be so advanced if there's no way to win? It just keeps going on forever. You could play for the rest of your life and never finish," Fujitaka pointed out.

"Then why do you play?"

"Because I'm addicted," Fujitaka revealed sheepishly, and Kero flashed a triumphant grin.

"So, I guess we're playing later?"

"Of course."

Sakura yawned with an exaggerated stretch and dropped her napkin on the table. "How can you two talk for hours about a video game? I can't think of anything more boring."

"Oh, should we be like you and talk about boys and clothes?" Kero asked. "Like I don't hear enough of that when you're on the phone with Tomoyo or Meiling. And don't get me started on that gaki."

The mention of Tomoyo brought Touya back to the present. He looked at his sister to find out what he'd missed, and if they'd been talking to or about him, but she was clearly preoccupied with her annoyance at Kero, who was now making juvenile kissing noises in his wildly inaccurate reenactment of her phone calls with Syaoran.

Sakura stuffed her napkin in the guardian's mouth to shut him up. "Why is everyone so mean to me?" she asked no one in particular. Fujitaka covered his laughter with a sip of iced tea, but Touya's brooding expression remained the same.

"And how are things with you?" his father asked him now. "You've been awfully quiet tonight."

Touya shrugged.

"Very succinct. Would you care to elaborate?"

"There's nothing to elaborate on. Nothing's changed."

Sakura and Kero stopped scowling at each other as the conversation took an interesting turn. They exchanged curious glances before shifting their eyes to Touya. Normally, he would have told them to mind their own business, but apparently, his business had become everyone's business. _Is there anyone who doesn't know what's going on?_

Even though he'd said there was nothing else, his father was patiently waiting for him to continue. Touya frowned, knowing his options were to either remain silent or reveal more of his personal feelings for everyone's entertainment. _Doesn't look like anyone is going anywhere_. He sighed and pushed his barely-touched dinner plate away. "I feel like we're in a holding pattern. We can't seem to move forward." He didn't need to be more specific.

Fujitaka nodded in understanding. "So, what are you going to do about it?"

What an infuriating question. "What can I do?" Touya retorted sulkily. "I'm waiting."

"For what? For Sonomi-san to magically change her mind?" Fujitaka asked. "Believe me, it doesn't work that way."

"I know that." _Of course, I know that_. Touya ran a hand through his dark hair in a gesture of frustration. "I should have just married her when I had the chance," he muttered.

"I think you know that wouldn't have made things easier," Fujitaka replied gently. Sakura and Kero still watched in rapt silence. Their presence was hardly noticed.

"Then, what?" He looked at his father, as near to hopeless as he'd felt since he'd first realized his attraction to Tomoyo, but the older man didn't have an answer for him. "I don't know what else to do, all right? God, for once in my life, can't someone just tell me what to do?"

"Son...."

"No, listen. I've thought about this. Nothing I've come up with is good enough. I refuse to make things worse for Tomoyo. I have to do what's best for her, no matter how hard it is for me, and no matter how much I want to see her."

"Is this really what's best? Doing nothing?" There was no accusation in his father's tone. Just concern. Which actually bothered Touya more.

"For now."

"And how does Tomoyo-san feel about that?" Fujitaka still spoke with the same quiet tone, like a therapist skillfully drawing out information, one reluctant revelation at a time.

"She's fine. She understands." Except... except for the letter she'd written him last week. The one where she'd let out all of her anger—at him, at her mother, at herself. The one where she'd expressed her doubt and impatience. The one she tried to take back the very next day, and even though he'd thrown it away like she asked and told her it was forgotten, he remembered every word of it. It had wrenched him with guilt, knowing that she was hurting, and that it was his fault that things had come to this. He had no right to make all of the decisions in their relationship and ask her to go along. Neither of them was happy like this.

"She does." His father didn't sound convinced. _And he shouldn't, because I don't believe it either_. "Well, that's the most important thing."

"What does that mean?" Touya shook his head and stood up from the table. "Never mind. Just... I don't know. I'm sorry. I'm not really in the mood for this tonight." Talking about it wasn't doing anything but making him feel worse, and he didn't need any help in that department.

"Onii-chan...." Sakura spoke up. He'd almost forgotten she was there, listening to every word.

"Don't forget to do your homework, kaijuu," he said before she could continue. His pathetic attempt at levity was only met with more concerned frowns. "I'll see you guys later."

A heavy silence hung in the air for several minutes after Touya left.

Sakura was lost in thought as she helped her father clear away the dishes. Once she'd found out about the relationship between her brother and her best friend, she'd been able to see the strong connection they had, and looking back, she wondered why she didn't see it sooner. She could remember now how much happier her brother had been, even if she didn't recognize it, or the reason for it, at the time. And it had been the same way with Tomoyo. But the peaceful, contented aura that had surrounded her friend lessened a little more with each passing week.

If these two people who meant so much to her could make each other happy, then Sakura wanted to help them in any way she could. "There has to be something we can do."

"I've thought about that, too," Fujitaka answered. "But I think it's best that we stay out of it. This is between your brother and Tomoyo-san. They'll have to get through it together."

"But they can't even talk to each other," Sakura replied. "How are they supposed to...?" Her words trailed off as she looked at her sun guardian. Kero blinked back at her but didn't say anything. The creature who usually had an opinion on everything had nothing to offer but his mediocre dishwashing skills.

Even so, he'd given her an idea. And until she worked it out, she was going to keep it to herself. Besides, her father might not approve.

-----

Tomoyo pretended to listen to Meiling's bubbly conversation as they left the music room after Thursday's choir rehearsal, but her thoughts were elsewhere. Specifically, they were on the second floor at the other end of the building, and had been for most of the day.

She'd noticed a difference in Touya's behavior during class that morning. It was something subtle, something that only someone close to him would detect. He was tired. Not physically, but emotionally. And seeing him like that made her realize that she was tired, too.

There was a strain on their relationship now. They couldn't be as open with each other as they had been in the past. They could share their thoughts and feelings through letters, but it wasn't good enough. Being together was what kept them balanced, and that had been taken away.

Tomoyo had tried to explain it in one of her letters, but it came out all wrong. It had sounded hurt and angry, and that wasn't what she'd meant. It wasn't right for her to put all of that on him, and she didn't know what she'd expected him to do about it. If she was impatient, it was only because she felt like a vital part of her was missing. And she knew that he had to be feeling the same way.

She couldn't dwell on that. She had to be strong. Whenever she saw him, she gave him a carefree smile, letting him know that she was all right. Each day, it got a little harder, but she had to act like everything was normal. That nothing was wrong. No matter how much she was hurting inside, she couldn't let him see it.

She wanted to talk to him, but more than that, she needed to drink in the comfort that his presence brought. _All I want is to be with him. If only for a few minutes._

"And you should have seen the look on Hiro-kun's face," Meiling said, laughing at her own story. "He'll wear a gas mask next time!"

Tomoyo's attention was snapped back to her friend, and she giggled weakly at the joke, even though she had no idea what had happened. Something in her expression clearly showed her distraction, because Meiling gave her a peculiar look.

"What did I just say?" the raven-haired girl asked, her voice laced with suspicion.

"Gas... mask?" Tomoyo answered tentatively, but that didn't make any sense. Why would Meiling be talking about gas masks?

Meiling sighed and shook her head. "One of my best stories, and you didn't even listen."

"I'm sorry."

Her friend's ruby eyes rolled with good-humored exasperation before focusing on someone coming toward them. "Well, no matter now. Looks like my work here is done."

Tomoyo followed Meiling's gaze and saw Sakura rushing toward them. "I got here as soon as I could," Sakura said, panting slightly. "Thanks, Meiling-chan."

"No problem. See you guys tomorrow." With a knowing wink and a casual wave, Meiling headed for her locker.

Sakura linked her arm through Tomoyo's and began leading her down the hall. "What's going on?" Tomoyo asked. She gave the other girl a confused look, but Sakura just kept walking, practically dragging Tomoyo along with her. "My ride should be here any second. I have to go."

"I'll just tell them we were in the bathroom," Sakura reassured her as they reached the girls' lavatory. "Besides, it's true." She peeked inside and let out a relieved breath. "Good, it's just us. Come on."

"What are you—?" Tomoyo started to ask, but Sakura put a finger to her lips and gestured for her to follow her inside. They stopped near the sinks, and Tomoyo watched with confusion and curiosity plain on her face as Sakura searched through her bag. "Are you going to give me a clue?"

Her green-eyed friend made a triumphant noise and pulled a pink card from her backpack. "Know what this is?" she asked, holding the card up for Tomoyo to examine.

"One of your Sakura Cards." The point of all this eluded her.

"No. Well, yes, but it's more than that." She turned the card around so Tomoyo could see the design on the front. "This is a way for you to see my brother."

Tomoyo recognized the graphic on the card, but it wasn't until she read the name that the significance dawned on her. "Illusion?"

"That's right. I don't know why I didn't think of this before."

"What? How—?"

"What time does your mother get home?"

"Around seven, in time for dinner."

"Okay. And it's just after four now, so—"

Tomoyo held up a hand to stop her friend's enthusiastic chatter. "I don't get it."

Sakura looked a little sheepish, and she gave the other girl a lopsided grin. "Sorry." She flashed Illusion again as she pointed to Tomoyo. "It's quite simple, actually. I'll pretend to be you and go to your house. I'll hang out in your room and do homework or something. Meanwhile, you can go see my brother. I checked with the faculty office, and he's already gone home. Then later, say around six-thirty, I'll fly over and pick you up. I can get you back in your room before your mother gets home."

Tomoyo tried to take all of this in. "You're going to pretend to be me?"

"Right. Watch, I practiced this last night." Sakura took the pendant from around her neck, and it changed into her star-tipped staff. When she called on the power of the Illusion Card, a swirl of light surrounded her, leaving Tomoyo to blink in astonishment.

Standing in front of her was a girl who could be her twin. Sakura now had long lavender hair, twisted in a loose braid, just as the real Tomoyo's hair was. Her green eyes were now violet, and her skin was slightly paler than before. She even looked two inches shorter.

"What do you think?" Sakura asked cheerily. Her voice was softer and higher-pitched than usual. She didn't sound exactly like Tomoyo, but it was a pretty good imitation.

"Amazing," Tomoyo breathed.

"So, it's settled." She pushed Tomoyo into a stall and pulled the door closed, just in case someone came in and saw the two identical girls. "Give me about five minutes to get out of here. I'll pick you up at six-thirty, okay?"

"Wait, Sakura-chan," Tomoyo said, laying her hand against the door. She heard her friend pause on the other side. "Why are you doing this?"

"Because I love you guys," Sakura answered, a tremor of emotion in her voice. "You need to see each other. And this is the only way I could think of to help." She cleared her throat before speaking again. "Everything will be all right. I know it."

Tomoyo bowed her head and closed her eyes, feeling her heartbeat speed up with nervousness and hope. "Thank you."

"Remember to wait five minutes," Sakura repeated, sounding more like her normal, cheerful self. She lightly tapped the stall door to say good-bye. "Have fun," she giggled.

Less than twenty minutes later, Tomoyo was standing in front of Touya's apartment door. The short walk from school to the apartment building had been uneventful, and no one had noticed or questioned her presence. She looked at the keyring in her hand, then glanced at the doorbell, and then back at the key. _Should I go on in like I live here?_ she wondered. It might be presumptuous, but she shrugged to herself and inserted the key into the lock. _That's why he gave it to me_.

The living room was empty, but she saw his school books on his desk. Everything looked the same as it did the last time she'd been here. It was weeks ago, but now it seemed like no time had passed at all. Standing here was like being back where she belonged. All of the loneliness she'd been suffering suddenly fell away and was replaced with a sense of peace.

As she left her shoes and schoolbag by the door, she heard the sounds of the piano coming from Touya's bedroom. After draping her uniform's blazer and tie over the sofa arm, she walked down the hall and stood inside the open bedroom doorway, watching him as he played. His complete concentration was focused on the music in front of him, and as the crescendos rose and fell, it was clear that he was letting his emotions dictate how the piece should sound. It was a beautiful, melancholy song, and hearing how he was feeling made her glad she came. Sakura was right—they both needed this.

As much as Tomoyo hated to disturb him, she wouldn't let this time to go to waste. She knocked softly on the open door, and Touya immediately froze before turning around. He was obviously surprised, but he didn't look upset. "Hi," she said casually, raising her hand in a cute little wave.

Touya didn't move from his spot on the piano bench. "Hi." He sounded confused.

"I let myself in. I hope that's okay."

"Yeah, of course," he answered automatically. Now he stood up and crossed the room to her. She did the same, meeting him in the middle. "But, Tomoyo, what—?"

She put her fingers to his lips, gently silencing his words. "We can talk in a minute," she whispered, and she rose up on her toes to press her lips to his.

It was a sweet kiss, and one that made their memories pale in comparison to the reality. They eagerly sank into it, appeasing their longing with each lingering caress. She wrapped her arms around his neck as his went around her waist. She felt his hands squeeze her, like he was convincing himself that she wasn't a vision that would disappear as soon as he stopped believing in it. For the moment, their impossible situation was forgotten.

She hugged him tightly and smiled, nestling closer to him. Everything seemed perfect again. "I've missed you," she said.

"Me, too." His hands were still squeezing her, and his cheek rubbed against her hair as he let out a long, deep sigh. "God, Tomoyo."

He didn't sound happy to see her. "What?"

His arms had her in an almost suffocating grasp now. "What are you doing here?" he asked. The possessive way he was holding her conflicted with his unemotional tone. When she tried to pull away to look at him, he wouldn't let her. "I can't believe your mother gave you permission."

"No," she answered guiltily. She hadn't even broached the subject with her mother since the night she ran away. She'd been trying to keep everything as normal as possible, which seemed to be the way to go, as her mother preferred to act as if nothing had happened. "This was Sakura-chan's idea. She—"

"Did she tell you what I said?"

"No," she said again. "Why? What did you say?"

Touya's arms finally loosened, and Tomoyo was able to step back and meet his eyes. He didn't answer her, instead shaking his head.

Nothing ever went the way she thought it would. As she'd walked here from school, she'd hoped that things would be like before. When she'd walked into the apartment, she'd still had the feeling that they would be able to talk and tease and flirt and kiss like they always did when they were together. It never occurred to her that he wouldn't want her here. "Do you... want me to go?" she asked hesitantly.

"No." He sat on the edge of his bed and let out another sigh. "This isn't working, is it?"

She sat down next to him but didn't say anything.

"I mean," Touya continued, "I thought I was doing the right thing. Now I don't even know what the right thing is anymore." He took both of her hands in his, but he wouldn't look at her yet. "Is this what you want? Are you happy?"

"I just want _you_ to be happy," Tomoyo answered quietly.

He made a sound that could have been a laugh if it weren't so forced. "Yeah. Now that we've gotten the selfless bullshit out of the way, tell me the truth. What do you want?" His brown eyes bored into hers so intently that she could feel it, like they could reach a place inside her that no one else could see. "Because I want you. And I'm finding it very hard to care about anything else. Maybe it hasn't been very long, but it's been long enough. I'm tired of this."

She didn't know how to respond to that. She didn't know what he meant, or what he expected from her. "I'm sorry," she whispered.

Now he did laugh, but still with that sardonic edge to it. "You're sorry? What are you sorry about? I'm the one who messed this up. I'm the one who didn't trust you." His grip on her hands tightened, and she tried not to flinch at the brief flash of pain. "You said it yourself."

"When?"

"The letter you wrote. You said I never gave you enough credit, and who the hell did I think I was to proclaim what was best without considering—"

"I told you to throw that away."

"I did. Did you mean it?"

"Yes, I wanted you to throw it away."

"Tomoyo," he warned.

"Fine, I meant it," she admitted. He raised a dark eyebrow pointedly, like he'd won some sort of battle. He really was in an odd mood today. "I know about Mizuki-sensei, remember? I know that she decided to leave without bothering to discuss it with you first, and that you felt she was being patronizing by acting like she was doing you a favor. Well, how do you think it makes me feel when you do the same thing?"

"Like a child," he answered. His voice was softer now, and his large hands had started rubbing hers gently, infusing them with warmth.

"Exactly." She couldn't find it in her to be angry about it, but that may have been because the bones in her hands were practically melting. "I understand why, I really do, but it still makes me feel like you don't respect me. Like you don't trust me."

"I know. I've always had a problem with that. Trusting," he clarified. "But I do trust you."

"Then you should be able to talk to me about anything."

"I know," Touya said again. He closed his eyes briefly and let go of her hands. "I don't want you to end up like my mother."

"Your mother," Tomoyo repeated, confused.

"My mother was your age when I was born," he said. "She was seventeen years old, with a husband and a child, working and trying to finish school and—"

"But she was happy," Tomoyo interrupted.

"She was," he agreed. "It was hard at times, but she was happy. She had the life she always wanted. And her family punished her for it."

"Oh," Tomoyo breathed.

"I know you know this already," Touya continued. "The edited version, anyway. My mother loved her family more than anything. When she was growing up, her grandfather and her cousin were the people closest to her. But when she went against their wishes, they tried to cut her out of their lives. No matter what she did, things were never the same between them."

The pieces were falling into place. "Do you think my mother would do that to me?" she asked quietly.

"I don't know," he answered honestly. "I hope not. I thought... maybe... if I stopped seeing you...." He shrugged and gave her a sheepish look. "I was afraid that if I came between you and your mother, then...." His words trailed off again. It wasn't necessary to explain any further.

Tomoyo understood now. He really had been thinking of her this whole time. It was just like him to do what he thought was right to make the people around him happy, even if he had to suffer silently to keep it that way. That he cared that much for her made her feel so special, and so incredibly lucky to have him. She threw her arms around him, startling him with her impetuous gesture. "I love you, Touya" she whispered.

He returned her embrace with a genuine laugh when she pressed a quick, ticklish kiss to his neck. "I love you, too." It had been too long since either of them had said or heard the words out loud. Seeing them written at the bottom of a letter wasn't quite the same.

"But don't worry about me," she said, leaning back just enough to meet his brown eyes. "I'm a big girl."

"I know."

"I can handle my mother." He cocked a skeptical eyebrow at her. "Okay, so maybe 'handle' is too strong a word."

"You think?"

She gave him a little poke for making fun of her, grinning when he winced. "I have to try talking to her again," she said, serious once more. "We were both too upset to listen to each other last time. I need her to understand that I can't spend the rest of my life trying to please her, or apologizing when I don't live up to her expectations. I have to do what I want, at least some of the time."

Touya nodded, even if he didn't seem completely convinced that it would change anything. Stubbornness was a deeply rooted Amamiya family trait. "Do you want me there with you?"

"That's probably not a good idea," Tomoyo mused, "but thank you." She felt his fingers twine through the end of her loose braid, and the heady sensation of being touched by him again made her insides turn to mush. "You asked what I wanted," she said softly. "I want to be with you. And if that's selfish, then I don't care."

"That's the spirit," he replied. "But, really, Tomoyo, if you want me to talk to her with you—"

She knew he couldn't help wanting to make things right. It was one of the many reasons she loved him. But this was something she needed to do herself. "Let me try first."

"Okay." His fingers were still lazily playing with her hair, and she sighed contentedly as she leaned against him again. "Did you say something about Sakura before?"

Though there were still things they needed to talk about, she was more than willing to let the serious subject drop for now. "She's covering for me," she answered. "She used one of her—"

"Don't tell me the details. Then I can plead ignorance if my father finds out about it," he joked. "How long do we have?"

She glanced over at the clock on the nightstand. "Over an hour, still."

"That should be plenty of time."

A coy smile curved her lips. "For what?" she asked innocently. The month that they'd been apart had seemed longer, but every moment from the last time they'd been alone together was now at the forefront of her mind. If they could put the discussion they'd just had aside for a little while, they could concentrate on more pleasurable things.

Touya pulled away from her and, with a perfectly straight face, asked, "Want to help me grade today's quizzes?"

"Not really," she deadpanned in response, and she began slowly scooting backwards on the bed. "Any other ideas?"

"We could play cards," he suggested, watching with great interest as she made herself comfortable.

"You cheat." Tomoyo languidly stretched her arms above her head and waited for him to join her.

He didn't make her wait long. "Do not," he retorted, leaning over her and smiling into her sparkling violet eyes.

Her breath caught in her throat. This was what she'd wanted. It was a feeling she couldn't adequately put into words, but that didn't matter, because when he kissed her, sweetly at first, and then more passionately, words weren't necessary. Everything she was feeling she expressed with her lips, her hands, and her body. And he answered her the same way. The rest of the world started to fade, getting smaller and smaller, until they were aware of nothing but each other.

"I still don't have any flowers," he murmured apologetically as his hand slid up and down her thigh.

"Send me some," she answered in a breathy whisper, playfully nipping at his lips.

"Or candles."

"Fire hazard." Her sensitive skin flushed even hotter as it came into more direct contact with his, and she gasped. But that didn't stop her from getting in one last teasing remark. "What about the music?"

"That I can do."

-----

Thanks again for reading, gang.


	21. The Little Things

L-chan's notes: Thanks, as always, for reading and reviewing.

Disclaimer: See Chapter 1.

Shadows

Chapter 21—The Little Things

Tomoyo made it back into her room with a few minutes to spare. Sakura's Fly card had made good time, giving her a chance to change out of her wrinkled school uniform before heading downstairs to dinner. She quickly brushed her long hair, still slightly damp from the shower she'd taken at Touya's, and twisted it back into the braid she'd been wearing earlier. The reflection in the mirror showed a proper young woman who had behaved herself all afternoon, though she was still afraid the truth about her extracurricular activities would be written all over her face. Consciously drawing her mouth into a noncommittal line, she hoped a guiltily pleased expression wouldn't crack her innocent façade.

"There you are," Sonomi said when they met in the dining room doorway. "I was about to send the police."

"Excuse me?" Tomoyo answered, doing her best to keep all traces of panic out of her voice. Did her mother know where she'd been? How did she find out?

Sonomi held up her watch and tapped the dial lightly. "Five after seven. You're normally sitting at the table by now. Get caught up in your homework?"

Tomoyo held back a sigh of relief. "Yes, something like that," she replied, absently using a phrase she'd picked up from Touya. They took their places at the table, and within seconds, the housekeeper set their plates in front of them. "Thank you. It looks wonderful." She tried to focus on these mundanities instead of remembering what she'd promised Touya. She had to speak to her mother, and she had to do it soon if anything was going to change. She couldn't wait another year and a half before she finished high school and got sucked into the business program without a spare moment to breathe.

_Maybe the business program isn't so bad_, she'd said to him as they lay curled up together. _If I do what she wants, maybe she'll give in on something _I _want. Maybe she'll let us see each other again._

_I don't want you doing that_, he'd answered. _If you want to study music, you shouldn't give that up._

_But compared to being with you, it doesn't matter. If I give in on the little things, then I can have the big things._

_But that's just it_, he'd countered._ Sooner or later, the little things tend to become big things._

He was right. If she gave up something so important to her for the sake of compromise, that sacrifice would eventually become a source of resentment.

Dinner passed in silence for the most part. After a polite inquiry about her mother's day, which was met with a complicated answer about a new line of electronic games being held up by a miscommunication about packaging design, Tomoyo let the conversation drop. She knew she had to be an adult, and she knew for her mother to respect her as one, she had to give respect in return. The trick was finding the balance between respecting what her mother wanted without letting go of her own dreams. It sounded so easy, and in theory, it would work. In actuality, she had no assurance that Sonomi would see it that way. The parent was always right, and what the parent said was always the final word on the subject. That was the traditional Amamiya way of handling things.

Only Nadeshiko had broken that pattern. She'd followed her own happiness. There had to be a way for Tomoyo to do the same without losing her dear mother in the process.

"Finished, Tomoyo?"

A quick glance down showed that her plate was empty. She didn't even remember tasting anything. It had simply been a mechanical response to the food in front of her. While her thoughts had been otherwise occupied, her hand had continued lifting the food to her mouth, and the reflexes of chewing and swallowing had taken over from there. It had kept her from speaking.

"You must have been hungry," her mother continued with a raised eyebrow.

"I guess so," Tomoyo replied. Oddly, she was still hungry.

Sonomi gave her a curious frown as she stood up from the table. "Well, I have to make some calls about that damn package design, so—"

"Wait, Okaa-sama, please," Tomoyo interrupted, getting to her feet as well. "I need to talk to you. It's important."

Sonomi nodded and gestured for her daughter to follow her into her office. All important discussions took place here. It was the most secure and quiet room in the entire house. That made it ideal for business, because Sonomi wasn't disturbed by the other goings-on in the house, and it afforded much needed privacy for family-only conversations.

As Sonomi sat in the large leather chair behind her desk, Tomoyo felt herself begin to tremble. She shouldn't be so intimidated by her own mother. Her mother loved her and wanted the best for her. It wasn't always easy to remember that, but it was true. Just because Sonomi was overprotective.... But that protectiveness had steadily increased even as Tomoyo grew older, instead of relaxing when she didn't need to be watched as closely anymore.

Perhaps Tomoyo _was_ just being selfish and immature to disregard all of the things her mother had done for her, all of the opportunities afforded her as both an Amamiya and a Daidouji. She had chances most people never had. She'd been lucky to be born into a good family, a respected family, and she had no right to throw all of that away.

And those thoughts were the ones that had been ingrained in her since she was born. Now she knew the truth of it. She knew that as important as her family was to her, it was more important to be true to herself. She could not be happy living someone else's dream. And it would be disrespectful to try when she didn't believe in any of it. If there was one thing her mother disapproved of more than disrespect, it was dishonesty.

"Okaa-sama, I've been giving this a lot of thought," Tomoyo began shakily. She forced the nervousness from her mind, picturing it as a pulsating ball of purple energy, a ball she mentally willed across the room and into one of the heavy oak cabinets, locking it inside. "I know you want me to apply to the business program next year, but I can't. I can't do that for you. It's not what I want."

"Tomoyo, we've discussed this."

"Yes, Okaa-sama, I know. But do you understand how important this is to me? I don't want to work in an office. I want to teach children about music, about how beautiful it is and how it can become a special part of their lives. It's something they need, and it's something _I_ need. I can't silence that part of myself."

Sonomi started to shake her head but seemed to catch herself before completing the gesture. "When have I ever said that you had to give up music? It's a perfectly fine hobby, and—"

"But it's not just a hobby," Tomoyo answered. "It's who I am. It's where I find truth and meaning. I can't find that in selling toys."

"Are you saying that what I do is somehow unimportant?"

"No, Okaa-sama. I admire you. I don't think you could ever possibly know how much. And what you do _is_ important. I know you give happiness to so many children. I know your company is involved with many children's organizations, and that's wonderful. I'm glad you can do that. But that's not something I can give. I have other things to offer.

"You have to understand, Okaa-sama," she continued, "that I do love you and respect you. And I never want to disappoint you. But I can't live my life regretting the choices I make to satisfy your goals for me. I have to be able to live my own life, just as you've been able to. Just like Nadeshiko-san was able to."

Her mother's expression changed slightly, her calm yet imposing mask giving way to a flash of anger. "You don't know anything about Nadeshiko" she said. "Or maybe you think you do. Maybe you've been talking to Touya-kun about how his mother was able to escape her tyrannical family and do whatever the hell she pleased, no matter what anyone else thought of it."

Tomoyo shook her head fiercely, but her mother took no notice. "Don't you see now, Tomoyo? This is why I want you to stay away from him."

Was her mother listening to her own words? That didn't even make sense, and it had nothing to do with what Tomoyo was saying. "No, I just... I just want to be happy," she said. If they'd had this conversation a month ago, she probably would have been fighting back tears. But she'd grown up a lot since then. The nervousness stayed locked in the cabinet where she forgot all about it. Her voice remained strong and steady, and she met her mother's disapproving gaze with confidence and directness. "I was hoping you'd want that for me."

"That's what I'm trying to do," Sonomi replied. "I don't want you making any mistakes. I want you to have a secure job and a secure life."

"I'll always have that. With Touya."

"You can't—"

"I can't be away from him," she continued, again interrupting her mother, something she never would have done just a few short moths ago. How her life had changed. "I want to marry him." Now her mother really looked upset. "No, he hasn't asked, but that doesn't matter. I love him, and he loves me, and that's what's important." Tomoyo wanted to turn away from her mother before her bravado disappeared, but she couldn't leave without one last plea. "I know you love me, Mama, and I love you, too, more than anything. That's why I have to do this. You've raised me to follow my own dreams, whether you realize it or not. Now that it's time for me to do so, I hope you can be happy for me."

Her mother didn't answer, which was the only answer Tomoyo was going to get tonight. She left the office and went back upstairs to her room, feeling... feeling lighter than she had in a long time. She'd said everything she wanted to say. It didn't matter what happened next. She knew that she had the strength to face anything.

She just hoped her mother could see it that way, too.

-----

At school the next day, Sakura and Meiling both commented on Tomoyo's new disposition. Gone was the disheartened girl of the past few weeks, the one who'd been passively living under her mother's unchallenged rule. Her smile came easily again, even though nothing had been settled the night before. Her mother didn't follow her upstairs and apologize for not realizing what her only child needed, but neither did she furiously reject everything Tomoyo had said and reinstate her unfair punishments.

Maybe Tomoyo should have been upset that her mother was avoiding her, but instead, she took it as a small victory in her battle for independence. If anything she'd said had made her mother think, then that was what counted.

Sakura and Meiling weren't the only ones to notice Tomoyo's improved attitude. Touya had been the recipient of many of her unguarded smiles. They appeared on her lovely face readily and were given freely, much like when she was younger. She was positively glowing with her satisfied expression, so much that Touya was slightly confused. She couldn't still be glowing from yesterday afternoon. He wasn't _that_ good.

It was almost disconcerting, enough that he tried to avoid looking at her during class. Fortunately, the moments ticked away quickly, and time ran out just as he finished writing the last formula on the blackboard. "And so as some bonds form, other bonds are broken," he concluded. "Which means you're free to go. See you Monday." He set the piece of chalk on the tray and rubbed a bit of white dust from his fingers as the class began to file out of the lab. "Daidouji, may I see you for a minute, please?"

"Yes, sensei." Tomoyo approached the front of the classroom almost giddily, and now Touya _was_ concerned. She was acting _too_ happy. And this wasn't the brave show she'd put on for him before. It was genuine joy.

"What's with you today?" he asked quietly as he reorganized his notes for his afternoon classes.

"Nothing," she answered, still smiling.

"Did you talk to your mother?" She must not have, because she wouldn't be acting like this if she had. Plus, he knew Sonomi, and since no call had come into the school demanding his termination, she couldn't know that they'd been together yesterday.

But Tomoyo was nodding. "It went very well."

It wasn't that Touya was skeptical, but he checked the calendar to make sure it wasn't Opposite Day. "It did?"

"I think so."

Now they were getting somewhere. "You think so. What happened?"

She gave a little shrug and hugged her books closer to her chest. "Well, I told her how I felt. I told her I had to do what I wanted, whether that meant studying music or being with you, and that I still respected her and everything she does."

"And what did _she_ say?" he asked. He doubted Sonomi threw a party after hearing that.

"She didn't really say anything," Tomoyo answered. "But at least I did. And if felt pretty good."

Something wasn't right about this. "And that's it? Your punishments have been lifted, and we—" His eyes flew to the door to make sure no one was eavesdropping. "—we can start seeing each other again?"

"Well," she said, shifting a little on her feet. "I don't know." Her smile faltered, and some of the rosy glow left her cheeks. Whatever emotional high she'd been on, it was wearing off. He hated bringing reality back into their situation, but it had to be done. "She certainly wasn't thrilled with what I said," she continued, her voice near a whisper. "Do you think she was too angry?"

Sonomi would never be too angry to speak. She seemed to work best in such a state. "Maybe you just gave her something to think about," he said, trying to be supportive. "And once she's thought it over, maybe everything will be—"

"Kinomoto-sensei?" One of his first hour students poked his head in the door, and they both flinched at being caught.

"Yes, what can I do for you, Matsuya?" Touya asked calmly.

"Sato-sensei says there's a call for you in the office."

He knew Tomoyo was looking at him, but he avoided her panicked eyes and concentrated on shuffling his papers again instead. "Thank you. I hope I answered your question, Daidouji."

"Yes. Thank you, sensei," she answered politely. Her face was pale, but she covered her distress well and left the room to head for history class.

This was it. This was the call he'd known was coming for weeks. The white light was flashing on his phone, and he watched it blink as he gripped the receiver in his hand. He quickly jabbed the button and prepared to clean out his desk. "This is Kinomoto."

When the call was over, he sank into his chair in relief. The parents of one of his students wanted to know if he could recommend a tutor for their son. It was a simple, typical call, the kind that should not set him on edge every time his phone rang. That didn't mean the other call wouldn't be next. _I can't do this anymore_, he thought with a sigh, closing his eyes and resting his head in his hands.

"Long week?"

He looked up to see Eiko Yamura, the choir director and head of the music department, standing by his desk, a cup of coffee in each hand. "Yeah, something like that," he answered as she set one of the cups in front of him. "Thanks."

"Well, it's almost over," she replied cheerily. "And not a moment too soon, if you ask me." He nodded and took a sip of the coffee. "By the way, I never asked how you enjoyed the symphony. The seats were good?"

"Actually, I didn't go," he said sheepishly. "I... was sick that weekend." In truth, he'd ended up giving the other concert ticket back to Tomoyo so she could ask Sonomi to take her. He figured that Sonomi's practical nature wouldn't allow her to let such expensive tickets go to waste. He'd been right.

"That's too bad," she said with a sympathetic shake of her head. "If you ever want to try again, let me know, and I'll see what I can do."

"Thanks." After Eiko wished him a good weekend, Touya pulled out his lunch and made a pathetic attempt at eating it while flipping through a sports magazine someone had left in the office. His thoughts were still on Tomoyo and Sonomi, and he gave up pretending to read and picked up the phone instead. He stared at the receiver, then replaced it before picking it up again. This time, he managed to dial the first three numbers before setting the handset down with a frustrated groan. Chances were she wouldn't talk to him unless he forced her to.

All afternoon, he thought about what he had to do. This situation wasn't just affecting his employment status; it was affecting his performance, too. The afternoon lectures were delivered robotically, and any questions were answered distractedly. Until something was settled with absolute finality, he wasn't going to be able to concentrate properly.

After school, Touya took the express train into the city. The imposing high-rise building dared him to enter, but he glared back at the name over the double-doors and made his way to the elevator. After checking the listing, he rode to the top floor, where he easily found the prominent office of the company's president.

The secretary looked up at him with a polite smile. "Yes, may I help you?"

"I'm here to see Daidouji-san," he said clearly, though it felt like a wad of cotton was wedged in his throat.

The young woman glanced at her calendar with a confused furrow. "Do you have an appointment?"

"No, but she'll see me. I'm her...." _Her what? Her cousin? Her daughter's teacher? Her daughter's lover?_ "I'm Touya Kinomoto. If you'd please tell her I need to speak with her. Please," he repeated.

The secretary nodded and pressed a button on the telephone to relay the information. She put a hand over her earpiece as she listened to Sonomi's instructions, nodding blankly and casting a curious glance at Touya. "You'll have to wait a few minutes, please, Kinomoto-san," she finally told him. "Can I get you some coffee?"

"Maybe some water, please." His mouth was completely dry, and he cursed himself silently for acting like a scared little boy. He and Sonomi had gotten along fine in the past. They certainly weren't the closest of friends, but she was always cordial, if a bit distant. She'd never exhibited any hostility toward him until this whole thing with Tomoyo started. If he had to guess, he'd say that on some level, Sonomi _did_ like him, or at least had no problem with him, and his being Nadeshiko's son should have meant something to her. It was the matter of his also being Fujitaka's son that sat at the core of her resentment.

_But that was all cleared up years ago_, he thought as he sipped the water, trying not to chug it down like a man lost in the desert. Sonomi and his father spent time together occasionally, discussing business and investments and family matters. It was his own fault for disrupting that peace. But there was nothing that could be done about it now. He wasn't going to let Tomoyo go. Not if he had anything to say about it.

He paced the floor restlessly, only stopping when he realized that the secretary was doing her best not to stare at him, clearly aware of his agitated state. The bottom line was he had to say his piece and let Sonomi know where he stood. The last time he'd spoken to her, he'd been too busy defending himself to do anything other than respond to her attacks. This time, it would be different. No matter what she said to him, he would keep a level head and answer her calmly and honestly.

The intercom buzzed again, and the secretary answered immediately. "You may go in now," she told him, but the cheerful tone she'd initially greeted him with had changed to one of apprehension. If it was an indication of Sonomi's mood, that didn't bode well for him at all.

As the young woman opened the door for him, Touya was still surprised Sonomi had agreed to see him. That was a point in his favor. Keeping score, that made one for and one against. This could go either way.

Sonomi didn't even glance up from her desk when he entered the room, and he stood before her awkwardly, waiting to be acknowledged. He understood now why Tomoyo was often intimidated by her mother. She had a very authoritative bearing, one that commanded respect and obedience.

When she finally looked up at him, it was with a completely neutral expression. No anger, no disgust, no interest of any kind. "Well?" she said, icicles forming on the word as it met the air.

"Thank you for seeing me," he said stupidly, inwardly cringing at his obsequiousness. This was not the kind of person he was, but being in Sonomi's presence drained all of his confidence. It was an admirable advantage she had.

"And?"

"And... I want to apologize." Now she looked somewhat surprised, though she remained impassive. Only the slight widening of her violet eyes gave her away. "I didn't mean to lie to you, or betray your trust," he continued. "I was wrong, and I'm sorry." Every word was sincere, and he hoped she would understand that.

"Is that all?" She wasn't going to give him a single inch.

"No, it isn't. I don't think you realize just how much I care about Tomoyo. Maybe I haven't explained myself very well, but she means the world to me, and I want the best for her, just like you do. I'm not trying to come between the two of you, or force her to go against you. I just... I just want her to be happy."

Sonomi's eyes flickered toward her computer screen, and she idly tapped a couple of keys before meeting his gaze again. "Do you?" she asked skeptically.

"Yes. I know what she wants, and I support her one hundred percent. I don't know what you have against her studying music, but that's where her true talents lie. Music comes from her soul, and it's amazing. It's beautiful. Why do you want to silence that?"

"Her place is here," she answered, gesturing vaguely at the office.

"I know you helped build this company, and you have no idea how much I respect that. But Tomoyo is different. This isn't something she wants to do."

"She doesn't know what she wants. She's a child."

"She's not a little girl anymore, Sonomi-san. She's the most mature and sensible seventeen-year-old I've ever met. And that includes me. She knows exactly what she wants, and has for a long time. She's just been so afraid of disappointing you," he said quietly, unknowingly echoing Tomoyo's words.

"And yet," Sonomi huffed.

"We're not doing any of this to hurt you. We both want your approval, and your respect. You have mine." The words were only met with silence. "You probably don't believe me. I wish I knew what to say to make you trust me." His hands balled into fists at his sides when she still didn't reply. It was like talking to a wall, only more frustrating, because the wall didn't shoot sharp daggers at him. "All I can say is... I won't let you keep us apart."

"Even if it means your job?"

"I don't care about my job," he said forcefully. "If it comes down to that, I'll leave voluntarily." As much as he enjoyed teaching, as much as he thought it was his calling, he'd find something else if he had to. "But I hope you'll consider how Tomoyo would be affected by any accusations of impropriety."

"Yes, that's what she said," Sonomi mused, more to herself than to him.

"This is about Tomoyo," Touya said. "And whatever you decide, whatever you may think about me, just remember her in all of this. If what she wants means so little to you, you can hold that over her. She may decide it's not worth it and do whatever you say to please you. You can lock her away forever if you think that's best, and she might even let you, because she loves you that much.

"But she loves me, too," he continued before Sonomi could answer him. He was on a roll and needed to get all of this out, even if the words were jumbled and clumsy. "And that shouldn't be the end of the world. She doesn't have to choose between us. But if you make her choose, you may lose her. And if you do, it won't be because of me. It will be because of you."

It had to be said, whether she hated him for it or not, because that was the root of the matter. His eyes conveyed this to her, letting her know that this was exactly why she'd lost his mother, and pleading with her not to make the same mistake again. To say anything more would be superfluous, so he bowed his head quickly in a sign of respect that almost contradicted the way he'd spoken to her. Then he turned around and left without another word.

As the elevator took Touya back to the ground floor, he leaned against the wall and let out a shaky breath. He couldn't remember a thing he'd just said. But it was up to Sonomi now. He had faith that Tomoyo would choose to follow her heart, no matter what the consequences were.

It was just a question of whether Sonomi could accept that.

-----

We're close to the end. Maybe I'll be inspired to get the story done by the end of the year, so cross your fingers and toes!


End file.
